Son dumped by gf -update

[OneGreenPoster]

Some posters said I should update with what happened, That thread is now full.
Things have escalated a bit and it looks like he'll have to move a lot sooner.
Not much else to say on the matter.
I didn't think the last thread would get so much interest, thanks for all the advice though

I agree. Her reaction shows that it wasn't just because of the lack of proposal, either there were other problems or she has someone new. In any case, OP's son should work on himself and meet someone more compatible.

Well I don’t know the mothers must be hoping that there are still women to be strung along with deep pockets otherwise said son will be back at home… or maybe that was always the idea anyway

You have no idea though! He just went running to mummy complaining that she'd ditched him because of her single friend and a Christmas party.

It's very possible that she expressed hurt and he disregarded, until she reached breaking point.
How many relationships die a slow death, with one of the 2 blissfully unaware because they have a happy status quo and ignore signs.
Sounds like it was the case there. He thought he'd fobbed her off with a vague someday answer, when she insisted he refused to talk about it.
Hardly a mature loving attitude.

You think that they only ever had one or two conversations about this? That’s highly doubtful. You’re going off what his mum is saying on a forum and suggesting that’s the full sequence of events…

Do you think it’s more likely that this has been discussed and dismissed multiple times by him and she’s decided his non committal responses don’t align with what she wants so broken up with him, or more likely that she has only raised the subject of marriage on two occasions? The latter seems hugely unlikely to me.

No, three months ago she wanted to have a conversation with him about where he saw the relationship going. That is not the same thing as demanding marriage inside of outside of a timeline. I do wonder what the wider context of the relationship was too, as still living in a house his girlfriend provides at 30 years old doesn’t exactly suggest this is a man with either drive or solid future plans.

She tried to have a conversation with him and he shut her down. I’m not sure why she owes him one now that she’s done with him.

Not allowing the conversation now doesn’t mean that there was no emotional attachment to or genuine love for him, although it may be convenient to think so if you’re intent on framing her as the problem and applying salve to his wounded ego (it’s on a par with ‘yeah? Well I wouldn’t want to date you anyway, you’re ugly!’ tbh). People can and do fall out of love, and oftentimes very quickly. This may of be considered ‘cold’ by the emotionally sloppy, of course 🤷🏻‍♀️

He's suffering, so sympathy is in order. But he needs to realise that this break up is not something that 'just happened' to him, it had a lot to do with what he was putting into his relationship. It seems that his partner was more than willing to make a commitment, but he didn't value that willingness and now she is fed up and decided to move on.

Sounds like 3 months ago was pretty much the make or break sit down what’s our future convo.

Bet there was smaller interactions in the last 12 months. The nice more care free moments on the sofa where children and weddings get mentioned but it’s not a serious sit down chat.

Maybe he has in the future her for the last year and now she wanted a babe let’s be serious what kind of time line are you thinking engagement wedding babies. But his brushed her off yet again and then as said all shocked she had enough of his wishy washy some point. Some point. I love you. One day.

Completely disagree, and the implication that goes with it is utterly vile. You two are saying : once you have picked up that he is giving you the runaround stay longer so he can do it some more. You might console /fool yourself that people don’t leave relationships when they love the other. They do when they see their love is being taken for granted and they are being treated shabbily.

You can think it strange she dumped him, because marriage isn’t important to you, but if you exchange it for something that is important (perhaps the relationship being closed or open) and then assess how you would like it, perhaps her views are not so strange. The faux bemusement that it wasn’t important to you therefore how could ex possibly thinks it’s important at all, is in and of itself a dumping issue.

As it happens I don’t think three years is that long - but refusing to have an honest conversation makes someone a bit of a shit and is a red card offence.

She did love him, he didn’t value that, only the domestic services she was providing. Is sad that the services he likes have been withdrawn but still doesn’t love her. Simple really.

Who wants to have a long drawn out discussion after a break up? They probably did have some form of conversation - I doubt she said "we're over, I'm off! - I wouldn't 100% trust OP's version of events and she wasn't there. Why can't she leave to go to a party that has probably been planned for some time? Was she supposed to sit there all night holding his hand listening to his woes? OP is also assuming that a lack of proposal is the only reason for their break up and it might be a multitude of issues for all she knows. Yes the son made a mistake and not having a proper conversation or treating the GF seriously when she asked for some indication of timings possibly made her see him in a new light and reevaluate their relationship.

Having very high standards about proposing? Seriously? Waiting 3 years, 'giving him his comforts' for 3 years classed as high standards about proposing?
Poor, poor girl. He used her for 3 years, to the detriment of her reproductive ability, and she has always had serious intentions about him, from what we are being told. He just used her for 3 years with no intention of being serious. Poor, poor, silly girl.

And I disagree it will take her ages to find a new good man. Totally disagree - this time she will not be so silly - she will be upfront and not waste 3 years. She will be like 'want to get married and have children? No? NEXT!'. I wish her the best of luck and I hope she finds a worthy chap very very soon.

She blocked him because he was harassing her.

You’re also assuming she’s not upset. She’s probably devastated as well, and grieving the future she once thought she had. Yes, she is away on holiday with friends, but that doesn’t mean she’s not upset.

Wonder the advice for her would if she started her own thread. ‘… My boyfriend and have have been together for three years and he lives with me in my flat. I tried to have a serious conversation about whether we plan to get married etc, and he replied about that talking about timelines are silly. Am I being taken for a ride? We’re in our late twenties/early thirties’

So you’d tell your daughter, who by OPs admission keeps getting calls begging to allow that to continue?

She's changed her mind because my son kept texting and calling her begging for another chance and she's said it's all a bit much.

You’d not encourage your daughter to stop that happening? I urge you never to give advice to a female being harassed in such a way! Damn right she was to block him!

Exactly. Why on earth should women put up with this sort of behaviour.

He’s lucky she didn’t report him to the police.

Nope.

Not for this one. Otherwise he'll do the same all over again and take everyone for granted.

He's firmly into manchild land and you are way too babying.

Also if she is currently away on holiday that will be another reason she blocked him.

It’s not very pleasant for herself and by extension the friends she’s traveling with to be preoccupied with his angst while they are away.

If he is blowing up her phone while she is on a girls hols that is a very bad sign in itself . The kind of men who do that are usually very problematic and selfish .

An emotionally mature considerate man would at most send maybe one text saying “have a lovely time hopefully we can talk when you’re back ”.

Nah. I'm not begging a man to marry me or have kids with me.

She stated what she wanted, he called her silly.

He absolutely was taking her for granted.

And if she waited another 3 years to still be called silly, all of us here would call her silly indeed for being stupid enough to waste her fertile years waiting around for a man who thinks a discussion about the future is silly.

She's still young, she should absolutely go out and find a man while she has plenty of time. Too many women wait until they're 35 and desperate.

I didn't say 3 years isn't long enough to not know if you want to get married. I am taking about the length of time to propose as other factors can influence that, such as being in a position to afford a ring and subsequent wedding. His downfall was telling her he wasn't sticking to silly time frames instead of telling her he wants to marry her. He left her with uncertainties.

Well then the breakup is in both of their best interests. Why did he initially want to get her back?

He didn’t really, but that’s what you’re supposed to do, isn’t it, if your partner says they’re leaving, you ask them to stay and reconsider, tell them that they’re wanted. That is what she wanted previously, wasn’t it, to be cherished and loved and appreciated and married.

& what happens if he dies? you have no claim on his estate it would also go to next of kin. This could see you forced to sell a property if it is joint. Have you thought of that? My dad died last year even though she is a spouse still lost a lot of money that state pension bought in selling her house ( chain just collapsed) You need to protect your assets hypothetically you could die leave him your estate, he could marry & your estate would end up going to new wife, think Suzanne shaw from one of the pop bands had this happen to her, all went to new wife’s family none to children of first marriage.
just somthing to think about.

And have to be blocked because of his relentless pursuit!

Are you replying to anyone in particular? Or just yourself?

Real Saladbrains. I guess somebody is bored this evening. But if he did not want her back constant texts and messages till she has to block him is a weird way to show it.

He was harassing her. You wouldn't block someone who was harassing you?

I think she was being quite generous to allow him to stay with her while he found a new place to live after they had broken up. That doesn't say cold to me, I thought that was rather kind.