Page 23 | Son dumped by gf -update

OneGreenPoster · 2025-12-16T17:06:45+00:00

Some posters said I should update with what happened, That thread is now full. Things have escalated a bit and it looks like he'll have to move a lot sooner. Not much else to say on the matter. I didn't think the last thread would get so much interest, thanks for all the advice though

AbbaCadaBra · 17/12/2025 10:01

Saladbrains · 17/12/2025 07:09

As you think “he had all the benefits of marriage” you’ll agree that she should sell the property and give him half of the proceeds.

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Are you crazy? It is her house.

Lobelia123 · 17/12/2025 10:05

Relationships have to be growing to stay alive and it sounds like this one (from his part anyway) was just ticking along and he was very comfortable with the status quo. Well she wasnt. I have so much sympathy for her - in fact I was her when I was younger except I stayed in the relationship for FIVE YEARS before realising that it was going nowhere. So good for her.

LVhandbagsatdawn · 17/12/2025 10:08

I don't know how these threads have gone on so long. There are no bad guys here. Its just a situation which didn't work out.

GF is not being unreasonable to move on if she's not happy.

Son is not unreasonable to be upset, nor unreasonable not to get married if he didn't want to.

OP is not being unreasonable to be upset for her son.

OPs H is not being unreasonable with the tough love.

It is a sad situation but hardly a controversial one.

xogossipgirlxo · 17/12/2025 10:11

LVhandbagsatdawn · 17/12/2025 10:08

I don't know how these threads have gone on so long. There are no bad guys here. Its just a situation which didn't work out.

GF is not being unreasonable to move on if she's not happy.

Son is not unreasonable to be upset, nor unreasonable not to get married if he didn't want to.

OP is not being unreasonable to be upset for her son.

OPs H is not being unreasonable with the tough love.

It is a sad situation but hardly a controversial one.

Agreed. Can’t believe the amount of hate op’s son receives. He was very reasonable saying he’s not doing these timelines thing. Nothing good would come out of it. He’ll find someone else, so will his ex gf

harlemshake · 17/12/2025 10:13

OneGreenPoster · 16/12/2025 18:03

She isn't polish, they've gone for a Christmas market I believe. She will be home for a day or so before going to her parents.
She's blocked him now anyway
Husband has told him not to try and contact her in any way now.

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Please ensure he doesn't because that is legally regarded as harassment

TwoTuesday · 17/12/2025 10:14

He only changed his mind about marriage when he had lost her, when it hurt his feelings and he was having to find somewhere else to live. His gf's hurt feelings at his refusal to commit didn't bother him at all. Only his own comfort matters to him. I doubt it's out of the blue for her, she gave him enough chances. If he didn't want to marry he shouldn't have been with her, knowing she expected it. It can't have been a surprise to him however much he makes out that it is. It's a case of "she left me after 20 years because I left a cup out."

mydogisthebest · 17/12/2025 10:16

VaxMerstappen · 17/12/2025 07:54

Anyone rushing a partner to commit to a timeline they're not comfortable with isn't the right person for them.

Three years might seem a long time for some people, but if it was your son's first long-term relationship, it probably felt nowhere near as long. In contrast to most, I can totally empathise with his position. People reach different life stages at different times, and quite clearly the thought of marriage at this point of his life was something daunting that he just wasn't ready for.

And that is completely fine. We live in a society where most people always seem in such a rush to do everything, have kids, get married, whatever, and then only find out afterwards that they're not really compatible. Rather than just take the time to enjoy each other's company and life naturally, rather than always be wondering what's next.

There's probably more to the story, though. For her to act so cold and indifferent to someone only a few months ago she was putting pressure on to propose to her, there's surely a good chance that her head has been turned.

Ultimately it's the best outcome for both of them, even if you son struggles to see it now.

The son is 30 not 18. Three years with someone is long enough to know whether you want to spend the rest of your life with them or not. They were living together so what more does he need?

harlemshake · 17/12/2025 10:17

PInkyStarfish · 16/12/2025 21:33

Your son sounds an absolute horror.

He was lackadaisical about the relationship and dismissed her concerns when she wanted an adult discussion about where the relationship was heading and now she’s ended it he’s bombarded her with messages trying to get her back!

If he’s going to be a horrible nuisance I hope she gets a restraining order.

lackadaisical ? because he did not want to be married at her time? it's a mutual decision and no one should do it just because of the other person and if it is not mutual, you have this result.

nothing lackadaisical about him at all.

FerrisWheelsandLilacs · 17/12/2025 10:21

OneGreenPoster · 16/12/2025 20:52

I think so too

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I disagree, if she didn’t care the begging wouldn’t be too much. She’s probably also heartbroken that the person she wanted to spend her life with doesn’t care enough to give her a reasonably meaningless and unending commitment of engagement.

I could be head over heels in love with someone, but I’d lose all respect for myself for accepting a pity proposal and then marrying someone who I’ve effectively forced into it.

She wants a partner she loves and who loves her enough to be ready to commit to her without being strong armed. Your son was only one of those things, and so now she has to be strong and move on or in 5 years she will still be with your son, unmarried and childless and have likely missed her opportunity to be a mum.

sueelleker · 17/12/2025 10:43

harlemshake · 17/12/2025 10:17

lackadaisical ? because he did not want to be married at her time? it's a mutual decision and no one should do it just because of the other person and if it is not mutual, you have this result.

nothing lackadaisical about him at all.

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But it wasn't mutual. He didn't want to discuss it, and told her it was silly. She didn't agree.

HelpMeUnpickThis · 17/12/2025 10:43

DeftWasp · 16/12/2025 22:48

I'd say immature in three ways:

Doing the dumping and clearing off on holiday (bit of cowardice)

Allowing him to stay on at the flat (not going to work)

Blocking Him (childish)

I'm not saying the OPs son is a prince here, not saying he hasn't played his own part - but - I suspect that she has someone else, and further more I suspect that she might well be on holiday with that person right now.

I know statistically its men that usually cheat, but women do it too - and I'm not even scalding of her because of it, she felt she wasn't getting anywhere with OPs son, was treated as "silly" for asking about marriage, met someone more suitable.

Critical thing is for OPs son to get his stuff before she is back, drop the key through the letter box and not look back, for his own sake.

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@DeftWasp

What on earth are you talking about?

She is going on holiday to Christmas markets with friends. What is wrong with ending the relationship formally and then making plans to cheer yourself up surrounded by friends who will distract / comfort you? What if the plans were already in place ages ago? Are people who end relationships not allowed to travel? WTF are you on about?

Allowing him to stay at the flat - to give him time to make alternative arrangements?! Surely after 3 years you would allow the person you loved / still love some time to organise things?

Blocking - because he was harrassing her with calls and messages?!

WHAT ARE YOU ON ABOUT? Your spin on things is wild. Do you always have such an over active imagination?

As for suggesting that she is cheating?! WHAT? Where did you even get that from? None of your comments have any evidentiary basis. You sound unhinged.

I hope you dont jump to unfounded conclusions like this in real life.

Nevernonono · 17/12/2025 10:44

MayeJane4 · 17/12/2025 00:44

But if you are leaving a person because of a reason is it not normal to raise the issue more than once and give an indication as to the strength of your feeling on the matter (if it doesn't change I'm off type thing)? Wouldn't you expect this from a partner?

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You think that asking more than once if someone has any intention of marrying you is acceptable?

Are you a glutton for punishment or what?

Being told once that you’re not discussing any “silly timelines” is enough for anyone with some shred or self respect!

She wasn’t asking him to make sure he put the bins out or picked up after himself!

Thalia31 · 17/12/2025 10:46

Catwoman8 · 16/12/2025 17:40

I disagree with the posters who have claimed your son didn't love her just because he hasn't proposed - yet. Less than 3 years is fairly short to be honest , most couples I know have got engaged between the 3-5 year mark. However, your son handled a serious conversation poorly, instead of reasurring her he wants marriage and a future (if that is what he wants) , he refers to " silly timeframes" instead and in doing so, he has clearly put doubts in her mind about his level of commitment

3 years is more than enough time at 30 years old to know if you want to marry someone. Men know within months whether they see it as long term or not. He was stringing her along

Nevernonono · 17/12/2025 10:46

harlemshake · 17/12/2025 10:17

lackadaisical ? because he did not want to be married at her time? it's a mutual decision and no one should do it just because of the other person and if it is not mutual, you have this result.

nothing lackadaisical about him at all.

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Not lacksidasical, correct! Outright lazy and foolhardy, yes!

Isekaied · 17/12/2025 10:50

Thalia31 · 17/12/2025 10:46

3 years is more than enough time at 30 years old to know if you want to marry someone. Men know within months whether they see it as long term or not. He was stringing her along

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He was waiting to see if he got a better offer.

Nevernonono · 17/12/2025 10:52

Saladbrains · 17/12/2025 07:35

It’s his home too.
He’s lived there for three years.

Did you think he didn’t contribute it’s to rent/mortgage, utilities, insurances etc.?

Had she financed everything or did he contribute to the household… either way it is his home as well and he has rights.

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Firstly, I doubt he’s lived there for three years, unless the cock lodger moved in immediately they started dating.

Secondly, he should have shown some commitment, getting a different place, that they jointly owned or rented.

The property is hers, she’s blocked him because he is being intolerable, why the hell would she want to stay at the same place as him?

It’s her home and she doesn’t need to babysit.

Hopefully he’s come to his senses or he may find a visit from the police to escort him out of the GFs property.

jumpintheline · 17/12/2025 10:53

Sorry your son is heartbroken this Christmas OP.

I don't think three years is awfully long, but can also see that the GF wanted to know where things were going.

I also think its quite sweet how much you thought of her. I'm sure he will meet someone else and it will all feel "meant to be".

Nevernonono · 17/12/2025 10:54

Nevernonono · 17/12/2025 10:52

Firstly, I doubt he’s lived there for three years, unless the cock lodger moved in immediately they started dating.

Secondly, he should have shown some commitment, getting a different place, that they jointly owned or rented.

The property is hers, she’s blocked him because he is being intolerable, why the hell would she want to stay at the same place as him?

It’s her home and she doesn’t need to babysit.

Hopefully he’s come to his senses or he may find a visit from the police to escort him out of the GFs property.

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And what “rights” do you think he’s got?

Seriestwo · 17/12/2025 10:58

Is he moving back in with you, @OneGreenPoster ?

Isittimeformynapyet · 17/12/2025 11:03

UnintentionalArcher · 16/12/2025 20:54

I’m a big Archers fan, although it was initially unintentional.

I also listen to Today quite often on the drive to work. Unless I need cheering up, then I choose a podcast.

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@UnintentionalArcher Your reply was flagged up as potentially dangerous! 😄

Would you like me to go and buy some gift cards?

TheIceBear · 17/12/2025 11:11

I don’t get all the people saying “after 3 years” as though it’s a really long period of time to be going out and not engaged. To me that’s not a long time at all. However if she wants to get married asap she is entitled to leave and look for what she wants and fair play to her in a way for not hanging around.

CaptainMyCaptain · 17/12/2025 11:13

sueelleker · 17/12/2025 10:43

But it wasn't mutual. He didn't want to discuss it, and told her it was silly. She didn't agree.

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This. I think dismissing her as silly was the final straw. He had no respect for her.

ChristmasTreeTop · 17/12/2025 11:14

OneGreenPoster · 16/12/2025 20:52

I think so too

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I don’t see it this way. Women don’t tend to leave when they’re done. They tend to wait a while until they are more than done. I imagine she was done waiting when she raised the engagement convo with your son and he completely shut it down and instead she’s waited months for him to bring it back up to her and he hasn’t… then she’s done. He’s completely shut her feelings down. Regardless of how long they’ve been together, she wanted to have a conversation and he didn’t allow it and dismissed her feelings as silly.

He hasn’t helped it by saying they will go ring shopping now. He’s still saying we will do this if she wants, not because he wants.

A better plan would have been buying a ring, sitting her down and telling her how much he realises he’s hurt her, how much he loves her and then proposing and leaving her to sit on it for a bit. Nothing he’s done has actually shown he wants marriage, just that he doesn’t want to break up!

RoomToDream · 17/12/2025 11:15

OneGreenPoster · 16/12/2025 21:31

He is a brilliant dad, but he is very blunt at times.
Telling your son "you should've got your arse into gear if you wanted her that much" Isn't great when he's newly heartbroken
I think he needs some sympathy.

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I totally get you are his mum and on his side but it isn't too early for your son to reflect on his behaviour. It's not doing any good trying to make it better for him by focusing on her behaviour.

After all, he can only change himself and can't control her actions.

He messed up and you can't smooth those feelings over for him. To be a better man he has to learn from this.

Scout2016 · 17/12/2025 11:18

At 27 she's got her own flat, job, friends and social life and she and wants to know where her relationship is going and what her future looks like. She sounds fairly clued up to me.
He dismissed something important to her as silly, she decided he's not right for her anymore. 30, happy living in her flat but won't commit to anything more than "yes I will marry you, when it suits me, but no I won't discuss when, your views on having a plan are silly so you need to just hang around for who knows how long until I say so."

I mean, how many 'is he a cocklodger / I want to marry but he keeps stringing me along with "one day" and it's been 15 years and 2 kids' type threads do we get on here? Good on her for knowing what she wants.

Despite being lucky that Ex has been decent and given him some time to find somewhere else to live, son screws that goodwill over by harassing her until she wants him gone.

I know you feel for your son OP but to come out with patronising misogynistic crap like you think she's just copying her best mate, and doesn't she realise she'll be left on the shelf (at 27!) is low.