Page 20 | Son dumped by gf -update

OneGreenPoster · 2025-12-16T17:06:45+00:00

Some posters said I should update with what happened, That thread is now full. Things have escalated a bit and it looks like he'll have to move a lot sooner. Not much else to say on the matter. I didn't think the last thread would get so much interest, thanks for all the advice though

CleansUpButWouldPreferNotTo · 17/12/2025 07:35

"you should've got your arse into gear if you wanted her that much"

Well done dad! Very sensible advice to the 30 year old son.

Saladbrains · 17/12/2025 07:35

CrazyGoatLady · 17/12/2025 07:22

That's not what most people are saying here.

The son wasn't ready for marriage. Fine. He just needed to be honest about it and deal with the consequences instead of obfuscating and hoping it would all go away and he could continue having his cake and eating it, then being outraged when his gf said no to that.

He's entitled not to be ready or not want marriage at all, and she needs to either accept that or not continue the relationship. She's chosen not to continue the relationship, which he in turn needs to accept and behave like a grown up. Not panic buy a ring and then harass his ex in her own home with pressure to take him back. She's smart enough by the sound of it to know that his panic proposal is more about not wanting to be alone than wanting to marry her, and that will not end well. Perhaps she's been on here and read the countless sad threads from women dealing with reluctant husbands/fathers who probably never wanted marriage and kids in the first place.

Unfortunately, OP's attitude to all this shows exactly why she has a 30 y o man baby on her hands.

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It’s his home too.
He’s lived there for three years.

Did you think he didn’t contribute it’s to rent/mortgage, utilities, insurances etc.?

Had she financed everything or did he contribute to the household… either way it is his home as well and he has rights.

UneAnneeSansLumiere · 17/12/2025 07:38

OneGreenPoster · 16/12/2025 21:31

He is a brilliant dad, but he is very blunt at times.
Telling your son "you should've got your arse into gear if you wanted her that much" Isn't great when he's newly heartbroken
I think he needs some sympathy.

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No, he doesn't. Your husband is 100% right and you are wrong. Stop coddling your son.

NeverDropYourMooncup · 17/12/2025 07:38

Saladbrains · 17/12/2025 07:29

Three years established contract - that started when they moved in together.

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So all the women who have children with their partners who then leave are entitled to half the house and his pension because it establishes contract? Or does this offering of the rights of marriage when the option has been rejected only apply to rejected men?

Thatsalineallright · 17/12/2025 07:39

Saladbrains · 17/12/2025 07:31

Can you not?

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Ah, no answer. Figured.

LadyKedleston · 17/12/2025 07:40

Saladbrains · 17/12/2025 07:35

It’s his home too.
He’s lived there for three years.

Did you think he didn’t contribute it’s to rent/mortgage, utilities, insurances etc.?

Had she financed everything or did he contribute to the household… either way it is his home as well and he has rights.

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You can't be serious?!?

Saladbrains · 17/12/2025 07:40

NeverDropYourMooncup · 17/12/2025 07:38

So all the women who have children with their partners who then leave are entitled to half the house and his pension because it establishes contract? Or does this offering of the rights of marriage when the option has been rejected only apply to rejected men?

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That is how so many living arrangements terminate financially.

CaptainMyCaptain · 17/12/2025 07:41

Saladbrains · 17/12/2025 07:35

It’s his home too.
He’s lived there for three years.

Did you think he didn’t contribute it’s to rent/mortgage, utilities, insurances etc.?

Had she financed everything or did he contribute to the household… either way it is his home as well and he has rights.

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They were dating for three years, we don't know when he moved in. He's not entitled to anything as they are not married.

Seagullstopitnow · 17/12/2025 07:42

No children
No ring
No contract

She owes him nothing.

Saladbrains · 17/12/2025 07:44

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Silverbirchleaf · 17/12/2025 07:44

Saladbrains · 17/12/2025 07:35

It’s his home too.
He’s lived there for three years.

Did you think he didn’t contribute it’s to rent/mortgage, utilities, insurances etc.?

Had she financed everything or did he contribute to the household… either way it is his home as well and he has rights.

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No such thing as ‘common in law’ partner. If they weren’t married, then they weren’t legally tied. As far as we know, it was her flat.

supersop60 · 17/12/2025 07:45

When I was in my twenties, I was madly in love with a man . He was separated from his wife, but not divorced. He asked me to marry him quite early on in the relationship, we moved in together, but he kept putting off the divorce. I remember vividly the day when I said “when are we going to get married?” And he replied “ when you stop asking me”
Something in my brain switched off at that point, and six months later, I got a job that meant moving away, and we split up.
He got divorced immediately and begged me to come back, but I didn’t feel the same.
To reply to pp talking about love - this man I would still say was the love of my life, but he let me down.

TheaBrandt1 · 17/12/2025 07:45

You can sure spot that particular type of boy mum “my little prince can do no wrong” on this thread!

My mums friend is of this mindset. Three adult sons all divorced. But it’s all the women’s fault according to her.

Tyimg themselves in knots to demonise the woman. Sad to see really.

She essentially proposed and he said no. What was she supposed to do? If a man proposed and the woman declined am sure the toxic boy mums would think it eminently reasonable for him to then walk away.

Fifi2022 · 17/12/2025 07:48

ThatAquaRobin · 16/12/2025 17:12

It's a lesson in how young women should behave if they ask for clarity about intentions and then get it.
He said no to marriage after 3 years!
She moved on to look for someone who is ready.
Respect to that woman who is clear about what she wants.

Absolutely agree!
Even 3 years is too long to wait for a proposal.
If after 2 years there is no serious discussion about marriage then move on I say
A woman's biological clock waits for no man

slightlyunimpressed · 17/12/2025 07:53

Saladbrains · 17/12/2025 07:35

It’s his home too.
He’s lived there for three years.

Did you think he didn’t contribute it’s to rent/mortgage, utilities, insurances etc.?

Had she financed everything or did he contribute to the household… either way it is his home as well and he has rights.

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I don’t know which country you are posting from, but in the UK cohabitees have very few rights. He may be able to claim some
money back if he has paid anything towards the mortgage but that is it. he can’t claim anything towards bills and will be laughed out of court if he tries to do so.

VaxMerstappen · 17/12/2025 07:54

Anyone rushing a partner to commit to a timeline they're not comfortable with isn't the right person for them.

Three years might seem a long time for some people, but if it was your son's first long-term relationship, it probably felt nowhere near as long. In contrast to most, I can totally empathise with his position. People reach different life stages at different times, and quite clearly the thought of marriage at this point of his life was something daunting that he just wasn't ready for.

And that is completely fine. We live in a society where most people always seem in such a rush to do everything, have kids, get married, whatever, and then only find out afterwards that they're not really compatible. Rather than just take the time to enjoy each other's company and life naturally, rather than always be wondering what's next.

There's probably more to the story, though. For her to act so cold and indifferent to someone only a few months ago she was putting pressure on to propose to her, there's surely a good chance that her head has been turned.

Ultimately it's the best outcome for both of them, even if you son struggles to see it now.

WomenAreNotEmotionalSupportAnimals · 17/12/2025 07:55

LadyKedleston · 17/12/2025 07:40

You can't be serious?!?

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No this poster is a very unserious person who is trying to rage bait other posters.

Haven't you noticed? We're all old, wrinkly smellies who are mean. OP's son is a total catch and any woman should feel blessed to be taken advantage of by him! Obviously the exGF is a game playing or cheating or trying to break off the relationship by asking about getting married, and by all rights should hand over all her worldly goods along with her dignity. She should have been counting her lucky stars whenever sunshine-out-his-arse-boy deigned to throw her a crumb or two. She'll get her comeuppance though, she's practically an ancient spinster at 27 after all 😂

It's a bit pathetic, but also a little amusing to see how much effort it takes these posters to skew things so this young woman, who is in reality totally reasonable, becomes somehow a bad person!😂

Thatsalineallright · 17/12/2025 08:00

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Luckily I don't like cats 😂

But I think the problem is your imagination is in overdrive. You've changed many things from what OP actually wrote and so aren't arguing from any basis in reality.

Seems like you're having fun though, so carry on!

TheaBrandt1 · 17/12/2025 08:07

Parenting sons like this doesn’t do them any favours either in today’s world.. Young women have basically wised up.

Their preferred option is a decent mature man that values them and is a successful lovely Dh. Their second option is the single life with their friends which is now also a pretty appealing option. They have eschewed the third option which is stick with a lame compromise man. They’d rather be in Poland with their mates. This is leading to the male loneliness epidemic imo.

Not helped by toxic boy mums and Andrew Tate telling men like this son how marvellous they are they are and women would be lucky to have them. They are then deluded as to their own value and are complacent in their relationships. Then this happens and they are baffled and devastated. The world has moved on and this type of man needs to wake up or get seriously left behind. The dad knows this and is trying to help the son.

bombastix · 17/12/2025 08:11

This “man” is 30 yet isn’t operating maturely. He sounds like a fool who is getting some very bad advice about trying to patch it up as if her opinion or wishes still don’t count. Obviously she has decided there is nothing to patch up and all further contact makes it worse.

How can you get to 30 and not know this stuff?

HisNotHes · 17/12/2025 08:12

MayeJane4 · 17/12/2025 00:14

I find all the responses on this thread confusing. We are tearing this guy apart for not being ready to get married after three years of dating. But isn't that actually quite a short amount of time, especially at their relatively young ages. I think she has found someone else and is now using this as an excuse OP. But regardless of reason, your son will be just fine.

I don’t think anyone’s tearing him apart for not wanting to get married. It’s the fact that he refused to discuss it and then is devastated when she ends it because she wants someone who IS prepared to get married. Now suddenly he’s ready to buy a ring after calling her wishes to know where she stands “silly” - that’s what people are criticising.

Buildabear25 · 17/12/2025 08:12

OneGreenPoster · 16/12/2025 21:31

He is a brilliant dad, but he is very blunt at times.
Telling your son "you should've got your arse into gear if you wanted her that much" Isn't great when he's newly heartbroken
I think he needs some sympathy.

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He needs balance. You're there for the sympathy. His Dad is giving him the reality check.

At the end of the day he messed up and got his heartbroken. He's not the only person in the world to have suffered heart break. It's only a very small minority of people that haven't.

It's going to hurt but you have to let him feel that hurt and process it in a healthy way. A way that allows him to see where he was at fault and also where she was. She might be right for breaking up with him but that doesn't mean the relationship was perfect or that she was either.

The point is to not direct all the blame her way - because then you end up with a 30yr old man full of rage (not healthy).

She wanted more than he could offer but next time he'll know to handle a conversation like that better and not to be so dismissive.

ThatAquaRobin · 17/12/2025 08:13

TheaBrandt1 · 17/12/2025 08:07

Parenting sons like this doesn’t do them any favours either in today’s world.. Young women have basically wised up.

Their preferred option is a decent mature man that values them and is a successful lovely Dh. Their second option is the single life with their friends which is now also a pretty appealing option. They have eschewed the third option which is stick with a lame compromise man. They’d rather be in Poland with their mates. This is leading to the male loneliness epidemic imo.

Not helped by toxic boy mums and Andrew Tate telling men like this son how marvellous they are they are and women would be lucky to have them. They are then deluded as to their own value and are complacent in their relationships. Then this happens and they are baffled and devastated. The world has moved on and this type of man needs to wake up or get seriously left behind. The dad knows this and is trying to help the son.

THIS
And it is a worldwide phenomenon causing falling birth rates.

Endless news articles that blame the rising cost of raising kids and women having careers
But this is the real and biggest reason IMHO.

LadyKedleston · 17/12/2025 08:13

TheaBrandt1 · 17/12/2025 08:07

Parenting sons like this doesn’t do them any favours either in today’s world.. Young women have basically wised up.

Their preferred option is a decent mature man that values them and is a successful lovely Dh. Their second option is the single life with their friends which is now also a pretty appealing option. They have eschewed the third option which is stick with a lame compromise man. They’d rather be in Poland with their mates. This is leading to the male loneliness epidemic imo.

Not helped by toxic boy mums and Andrew Tate telling men like this son how marvellous they are they are and women would be lucky to have them. They are then deluded as to their own value and are complacent in their relationships. Then this happens and they are baffled and devastated. The world has moved on and this type of man needs to wake up or get seriously left behind. The dad knows this and is trying to help the son.

Absolutely this!

DonicaLewinsky · 17/12/2025 08:15

TheaBrandt1 · 17/12/2025 08:07

Parenting sons like this doesn’t do them any favours either in today’s world.. Young women have basically wised up.

Their preferred option is a decent mature man that values them and is a successful lovely Dh. Their second option is the single life with their friends which is now also a pretty appealing option. They have eschewed the third option which is stick with a lame compromise man. They’d rather be in Poland with their mates. This is leading to the male loneliness epidemic imo.

Not helped by toxic boy mums and Andrew Tate telling men like this son how marvellous they are they are and women would be lucky to have them. They are then deluded as to their own value and are complacent in their relationships. Then this happens and they are baffled and devastated. The world has moved on and this type of man needs to wake up or get seriously left behind. The dad knows this and is trying to help the son.

Yeah, on the off chance this is real then the DH here is actually doing some excellent parenting. Some young men need to hear this, from older family men in successful marriages.