Page 19 | Son dumped by gf -update

OneGreenPoster · 2025-12-16T17:06:45+00:00

Some posters said I should update with what happened, That thread is now full. Things have escalated a bit and it looks like he'll have to move a lot sooner. Not much else to say on the matter. I didn't think the last thread would get so much interest, thanks for all the advice though

HerNeighbourTotoro · 17/12/2025 06:35

OneGreenPoster · 16/12/2025 21:31

He is a brilliant dad, but he is very blunt at times.
Telling your son "you should've got your arse into gear if you wanted her that much" Isn't great when he's newly heartbroken
I think he needs some sympathy.

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He needs both a bit of realism and symparthy, and gets bothfrom you and his dad.
I was recently watching a video on SM where people present random takes, and someone had a really good one, that before getting married you should have got through a big breakup and I thought of it today. That the breakup is sad but it also can shape you into being a better person and not repeat the same mistakes again. When your son meets another woman in future and he will really love her, hopefully he will appreciate her enough to listen to her and communicate, rather than being a stroppy kid who wants things on his terms.

Thatsalineallright · 17/12/2025 06:37

MayeJane4 · 17/12/2025 00:38

💯 % agree

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Please explain why you think a break up needs to be a negotiation?

The gf realised they both wanted very different things. She asked if he wanted to marry her, he said no not right now. She asked if he had any timeline in mind, he said timelines were silly

If the gf wants to marry and have kids then what more is there to say? Should she try to change his mind? But even if that worked she'd be left with a half-hearted husband who might well end up resentful that she'd 'nagged' him into trying the knot and fatherhood.

It's completely normal to want to get married. It's completely normal to want the other person to actuallywant to marry you. He couldn't give her that and so she knew the relationship was doomed and broke up with him. Why would it require multiple conversations potentially stretched out over months/years?

Saladbrains · 17/12/2025 06:44

“Because No means No”

She didn’t listen to his “no” way back when she was pressurising him to get married.

He had then and still has now the right to say “no”.

Gf chose to wait around stewing and cooking up the Christmas getaway-and-dump-him-plan yet you’re saying she is the innocent here.

Grow up and stop hiding her behind the badge of victimhood.

They weren’t a good match and when he offered her the shut-up-pity-ring-she’d-said-she-wanted she finally realised they had to get off the merry-go-round.

They co-created this outcome, manifested it together.

You lot can’t wait to pack together and tear someone down.

They were 24 and 27 years old when this started, they don’t have your peri-wrinklies’ decades of wisdom behind them because they’re finding these things out first time around.

Thatsalineallright · 17/12/2025 06:46

Saladbrains · 17/12/2025 06:30

You’re absolutely right, the bastard should have gone along with her and commenced the joyful nuptials apace. Sod his own feelings, they don’t matter, everyone knows it’s all about hers on this thread.

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Literally no one is saying that. We all think she was right not to accept his panicked proposal after the break up. They would have both been miserable and regretted it.

But hopefully the son will realise that refusing to discuss/give answers to serious questions is not the right move. If he never wanted to marry her then he should have just said that. If he did want to get married at some point then he should have the maturity to actually have a conversation about when - not a strict date set in stone, but some sort of timeline like his gf was asking.

It's the "yes I want to marry you but not right now, I'll decide at some point and you should just wait, your question about timelines is silly" bit that I and other posters find so ridiculous.

Boomer55 · 17/12/2025 06:47

Your son obviously wasn’t certain he wanted to marry her, so it’s best they have split before any “legal contract” of marriage.

KilliMonjaro · 17/12/2025 06:50

Thatsalineallright · 17/12/2025 06:37

Please explain why you think a break up needs to be a negotiation?

The gf realised they both wanted very different things. She asked if he wanted to marry her, he said no not right now. She asked if he had any timeline in mind, he said timelines were silly

If the gf wants to marry and have kids then what more is there to say? Should she try to change his mind? But even if that worked she'd be left with a half-hearted husband who might well end up resentful that she'd 'nagged' him into trying the knot and fatherhood.

It's completely normal to want to get married. It's completely normal to want the other person to actuallywant to marry you. He couldn't give her that and so she knew the relationship was doomed and broke up with him. Why would it require multiple conversations potentially stretched out over months/years?

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This.

Duckswaddle · 17/12/2025 06:56

I can’t believe the guy is 30 🤣 what sort of stunted ‘man’ have you brought up here?

From mummykins’ wailing about his ‘heartbreak’ I thought he was about 19.

AbbaCadaBra · 17/12/2025 06:57

The dad must be fed up of watching his wife mollycoddle his son and excuse inexcusable behaviour. Imagine your wife saying she is going to talk sense into adult son’s gf. Bombarding the ex gf with messages is harrassment. No means no. In what universe should any woman have to put up with that?

Team Dad.

Zippedydodah · 17/12/2025 07:00

OneGreenPoster · 16/12/2025 21:31

He is a brilliant dad, but he is very blunt at times.
Telling your son "you should've got your arse into gear if you wanted her that much" Isn't great when he's newly heartbroken
I think he needs some sympathy.

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Your husband is 100% right.
Your son sounds like he’s a user and the girlfriend has seen the light at last.

Saladbrains · 17/12/2025 07:09

WomenAreNotEmotionalSupportAnimals · 17/12/2025 01:11

Not on something this fundamental, and after so long no.

With him 30 and her 27. Especially if the GF wants to have children. Why would she? He made his feelings clear, she was 'silly' for trying to discuss it and her wants for the future. He was the big I am and would make the decisions unilaterally so she could just sit down, be quiet and wait for the day if and when he decided that he wanted to discuss it.

This guy had lived in the GFs house and had all the benefits of a marriage, but when asked about a discussion on the future possibility of getting married he belittled and demeaned her. He could see she was upset and didn't address it, or offer any further discussion.

As others have said, it's fine if he's not ready or will never be ready to marry, but he doesn't get to shut down discussion about it. That's not how loving relationships work, you're supposed to communicate honestly with each other.

He's lucky he got three months grace while she processed all this and dealt quietly with her hurt. He's even luckier after that shoddy treatment of her, that she was going to let him stay in her property till after Christmas but he shot himself in the foot by harassing her.

I think there's more to this than OP is letting on, or possibly it would be kinder to say that there more to this than the OP actually knows.

There's little hints that the son is actually a bit of an arsehole frankly. Future faking and possible cocklodging #1, Son's attitude over the possibility of marriage discussion #2, then the co-dependant 'shut up' panic ring #3, the harassment to take him back #4, and then the planned ambush after she asked him to leave because of the harassment #5.

I think we'd hear a very different story if the GF were able to tell her side. I think she's suffered the death of this relationship through a thousand cuts. I think she's been very smart, and I wish more young women knew their worth and had such iron self esteem as she did.

I think the OP's son has treated his exGF very badly, cruelly in fact. I don't think he's the catch he or his mum thinks he is 😂

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As you think “he had all the benefits of marriage” you’ll agree that she should sell the property and give him half of the proceeds.

Thatsalineallright · 17/12/2025 07:10

Saladbrains · 17/12/2025 06:44

“Because No means No”

She didn’t listen to his “no” way back when she was pressurising him to get married.

He had then and still has now the right to say “no”.

Gf chose to wait around stewing and cooking up the Christmas getaway-and-dump-him-plan yet you’re saying she is the innocent here.

Grow up and stop hiding her behind the badge of victimhood.

They weren’t a good match and when he offered her the shut-up-pity-ring-she’d-said-she-wanted she finally realised they had to get off the merry-go-round.

They co-created this outcome, manifested it together.

You lot can’t wait to pack together and tear someone down.

They were 24 and 27 years old when this started, they don’t have your peri-wrinklies’ decades of wisdom behind them because they’re finding these things out first time around.

I can't figure out what you think the gf should have done.

You say she "pressurised him". Do you think she was wrong to even raise the topic of marriage? But in previous posts you were saying she should just ask him to marry her which is exactly what she did.

You said she "didn't listen to his no". Do you think she was wrong to ask a follow up question of if he had a timeline? Surely it's a normal follow up to his "I maybe want to marry you but not right now" answer. He didn't answer (calling it silly) and the conversation ended there. But you're labelling it as her not listening and pressurising him. What should she have done instead?

You say she "waited around stewing and cooking". Do you think she should have broken up with him immediately without thinking things through? Or should she have kept talking to him about it? But surely that would have been her "pressurising" him even more?

You say she had a Christmas "getaway and dump him plan". Do you think she was wrong to break up with him and have a trip booked for soon after? How long is she supposed to put her life on hold after a break up?

ThatAquaRobin · 17/12/2025 07:11

"you should've got your arse into gear if you wanted her that much"
100%This.
Or Beyonce put it a different way.
He is a man of 30 FFS.
You can't treat grown women as an option.

Saladbrains · 17/12/2025 07:12

InterIgnis · 17/12/2025 01:23

I know what you’re aiming for is ‘Knowledgeable in the field of human relationship and how women work’, but you somehow keep landing on ‘Women? I’m familiar with those creatures. I read about them. Once. Thirty years ago’.

If I’m failing to extend enough respect to engage in a conversation with someone who I’m not only supposed to love, but am reliant upon for the roof over my head, then I would consider any resultant short shrift to be earned. No need for kid gloves and biblical angst.

Anyway, no one has said he can’t feel aggrieved. He can. That he feels aggrieved does not mean that she’s done anything wrong.

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If as you say “he was reliant upon her for the roof over his head” she’ll be selling the property to give him his fair half-share of the proceeds.

CaptainMyCaptain · 17/12/2025 07:18

Anuta77 · 16/12/2025 21:13

You sound very bitter, it's not this man, it's op's son and just telling a woman that he doesn't want to follow silly timelines isn't a reason for breakup and blocking. Op's son will do better and the ex will wait much longer for a marriage proposal from whoever she's seeing.

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Of course it's a valid reason for a break up. You can end a relationship for any reason you like .. it's not as if they were married or even engaged is it?

NeverDropYourMooncup · 17/12/2025 07:20

Saladbrains · 17/12/2025 07:12

If as you say “he was reliant upon her for the roof over his head” she’ll be selling the property to give him his fair half-share of the proceeds.

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He laughed at her offering the legal possibility of that happening. It was 'silly'. He didn't want that.

Can't refuse to enter a contract that confers those rights and then expect to benefit from her handing over hundreds of thousands of pounds because if he had entered that contract, he would have been entitled to claim it.

HessianSack · 17/12/2025 07:20

Going against the grain here and I’ve not RTFL but I’m team DS - I think he’s had a lucky escape!

OnlyMabelInTheBuilding · 17/12/2025 07:20

Saladbrains · 17/12/2025 07:12

If as you say “he was reliant upon her for the roof over his head” she’ll be selling the property to give him his fair half-share of the proceeds.

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Why do you keep posting this, of course she doesn’t (and shouldn’t) need to do this? Why does the idea of a woman with her own home, telling her ex to move out, bother you so? He needs no reparations.

CrazyGoatLady · 17/12/2025 07:22

Saladbrains · 17/12/2025 06:30

You’re absolutely right, the bastard should have gone along with her and commenced the joyful nuptials apace. Sod his own feelings, they don’t matter, everyone knows it’s all about hers on this thread.

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That's not what most people are saying here.

The son wasn't ready for marriage. Fine. He just needed to be honest about it and deal with the consequences instead of obfuscating and hoping it would all go away and he could continue having his cake and eating it, then being outraged when his gf said no to that.

He's entitled not to be ready or not want marriage at all, and she needs to either accept that or not continue the relationship. She's chosen not to continue the relationship, which he in turn needs to accept and behave like a grown up. Not panic buy a ring and then harass his ex in her own home with pressure to take him back. She's smart enough by the sound of it to know that his panic proposal is more about not wanting to be alone than wanting to marry her, and that will not end well. Perhaps she's been on here and read the countless sad threads from women dealing with reluctant husbands/fathers who probably never wanted marriage and kids in the first place.

Unfortunately, OP's attitude to all this shows exactly why she has a 30 y o man baby on her hands.

Silverbirchleaf · 17/12/2025 07:23

Don’t blame her really. I get he’s been contacting her for her to change her mind, but she has found it too much and wants a clean break. A few messages, fair enough, but it sounds like he’s been hassling her.

She was very generous letting him stay whilst she was away.

I’m curious as to whether they had an equal footing in the flat (except mortgage) or whether she was supporting him. Apart from the timeline comment, were any plans being made to buy somewhere together etc, or were they just coasting? I’m guessing she thought that when he turned thirty, things would changed, but nothing did.

WomenAreNotEmotionalSupportAnimals · 17/12/2025 07:25

Saladbrains · 17/12/2025 07:09

As you think “he had all the benefits of marriage” you’ll agree that she should sell the property and give him half of the proceeds.

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😂😂😂😂

Thanks for the laugh to go with my morning coffee! 😂😂

Saladbrains · 17/12/2025 07:29

NeverDropYourMooncup · 17/12/2025 07:20

He laughed at her offering the legal possibility of that happening. It was 'silly'. He didn't want that.

Can't refuse to enter a contract that confers those rights and then expect to benefit from her handing over hundreds of thousands of pounds because if he had entered that contract, he would have been entitled to claim it.

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Three years established contract - that started when they moved in together.

Saladbrains · 17/12/2025 07:31

Thatsalineallright · 17/12/2025 07:10

I can't figure out what you think the gf should have done.

You say she "pressurised him". Do you think she was wrong to even raise the topic of marriage? But in previous posts you were saying she should just ask him to marry her which is exactly what she did.

You said she "didn't listen to his no". Do you think she was wrong to ask a follow up question of if he had a timeline? Surely it's a normal follow up to his "I maybe want to marry you but not right now" answer. He didn't answer (calling it silly) and the conversation ended there. But you're labelling it as her not listening and pressurising him. What should she have done instead?

You say she "waited around stewing and cooking". Do you think she should have broken up with him immediately without thinking things through? Or should she have kept talking to him about it? But surely that would have been her "pressurising" him even more?

You say she had a Christmas "getaway and dump him plan". Do you think she was wrong to break up with him and have a trip booked for soon after? How long is she supposed to put her life on hold after a break up?

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Can you not?

Seagullstopitnow · 17/12/2025 07:31

I wish I'd done what she did, rather than hang around waiting for some mediocre dickhead.
Good on her! I hope she meets someone that treasures her and has the maturity to deal with life.

ScreamingInfidelities · 17/12/2025 07:33

Bungle2168 · 17/12/2025 01:08

Nothing you have written is wrong per se, but do unto others as you would have done unto yourself, surely?

If you and I were dating for three years and one morning I, over breakfast, and without warning, told you to get the Hell out of my house, would you not feel suitably aggrieved?

I mean, my house my rules, right?

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GF didn’t do that tho, did she? She was willing to let him stay in the flat until he started harassing her. Man-child only has himself to blame.

supersop60 · 17/12/2025 07:33

SL2924 · 16/12/2025 20:48

Tbh she didn’t really love him. If she did then I don’t think she could walk away that easily. He’ll be better off in the long run.

So, she should put up and shut up?
As a pp said - they are not on the same page, and he is wasting her time.