Page 13 | Son dumped by gf -update

OneGreenPoster · 2025-12-16T17:06:45+00:00

Some posters said I should update with what happened, That thread is now full. Things have escalated a bit and it looks like he'll have to move a lot sooner. Not much else to say on the matter. I didn't think the last thread would get so much interest, thanks for all the advice though

Folderoller · 16/12/2025 22:19

Your son’s problem is you.
Take off the blinkers and see him for what he is. He thought his gf would always be there like mummy. Always devote herself to him like mummy. Wouldn’t expect anything from him like mummy. Give to him like mummy.
No.
Your husband’s intent on making him man up. Shut up with the intervention, thought that the gf has missed a golden opportunity, that poor son is heartbroken.
No.
This 30 year old man needs to realise the he’s one of many and in a queue of choice.

Slightyamusedandsilly · 16/12/2025 22:20

Saladbrains · 16/12/2025 22:17

I agree with you if her self worth is waiting around from age 27 to age 30 and then running away in a tantrum: she couldn’t even stay to look him in the eye when she wanted him to pack his bags.

Spineless and worthless.

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Bullshit. She wanted him out of her house. His stalkerish behaviour was probably scary. Been there, had that.

Ending a relationship isn't a tantrum. It's a break. Leave. No more.

What the son was doing was the tantrum. Calling. Begging. Wanting to go back to the flat when she was there.

BettysRoasties · 16/12/2025 22:20

Saladbrains · 16/12/2025 22:17

I agree with you if her self worth is waiting around from age 27 to age 30 and then running away in a tantrum: she couldn’t even stay to look him in the eye when she wanted him to pack his bags.

Spineless and worthless.

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Who said she didn’t dump him face to face. And either way he is the homeless guy trying to win his ex back. Self worth in the drains.

Saladbrains · 16/12/2025 22:22

MeTooOverHere · 16/12/2025 21:52

No your son doesn't need sympathy.

His exGF is the one who has had her heart broken (by your son) and he needs to learn from this monumental faff-up. His dad is spot on.

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It’s not a faff-up: the son DID NOT WANT HER as a wife.

InterIgnis · 16/12/2025 22:22

Saladbrains · 16/12/2025 22:17

I agree with you if her self worth is waiting around from age 27 to age 30 and then running away in a tantrum: she couldn’t even stay to look him in the eye when she wanted him to pack his bags.

Spineless and worthless.

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She’s 27.

What tantrum? She told him, to his face, that she was done with the relationship. What else was she supposed to do other than carry on with her life? Hold his hand and wail along with him?

BettysRoasties · 16/12/2025 22:22

Saladbrains · 16/12/2025 22:22

It’s not a faff-up: the son DID NOT WANT HER as a wife.

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So why is he begging for her back now she don’t want him 😂😂😂

Poor lad 😂😂

ForeverPombear · 16/12/2025 22:23

Saladbrains · 16/12/2025 22:09

“If you don’t want to be with someone you don’t have to be”

Which is exactly why the son shied away from ‘marriage’ - she might have been a gf but she wasn’t a wife.

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No ones arguing with that?

ForeverPombear · 16/12/2025 22:23

Saladbrains · 16/12/2025 22:22

It’s not a faff-up: the son DID NOT WANT HER as a wife.

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SO WHY IS HE SO UPSET NOW SHE HAS DUMPED HIM?

Thatsalineallright · 16/12/2025 22:23

@Bungle2168 So she asked her boyfriend of 3 years "do you want to marry me?" as a way to break up with him? That sounds... complicated. What if he'd said yes?

plsdontlookatme · 16/12/2025 22:24

I'll admit to not having R all 52 total pages of the FT so i'm sure this has been said ad nauseam but... 27 and 30 years old!!! From the OP I had initially assumed they were early twenties. Starting again at 27 is "risky", perhaps, but it's infinitely less risky than starting again at 37 once someone's precious son has wasted even more of your life. Hell, it's not even risky; I started again at the age of 27 just this year and I feel like I've been given a second chance at life. Now I can either spend my youth and my fertility on someone worthwhile, or I can enjoy the peace and safety of my own company. Bliss.

Lunde · 16/12/2025 22:25

Saladbrains · 16/12/2025 20:13

I’m team son.

He’s completely allowed to feel the way he felt when she asked him if he wanted to marry her.

He felt the gf putting pressure on him and he sounds like he did not want to feel under pressure.

If the genders were reversed no-one would support a man applying pressure to a woman to get married.

The many posters supporting team gf because she knows what she wants are prime hypocrites.

If the gf wanted marriage she could have:
a) started the conversation a second and a third time.
b) proposed an engagement to him
c) proposed marriage to him.

It sounds like the gf stewed on one conversation and without a series of conversations or distress flares she went ahead and ended everything giving him very little notice.

That’s not marriage and partnership material behaviour. That’s not kindness in action.
And that certainly was not love in action.
The now ex-gf had only her needs in mind and clearly didn’t care about his feelings/wants and needs.

The conversation could have been the starting point of a beautiful dialogue of understanding each other’s needs, triggers, desires and vulnerabilities.

But no, the gf had to pull the trigger.

There’s another man somewhere, and she’s interested, I guarantee it.

The 30 year old son is well away from such petulant and childish behaviour.

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Oh so the gf should drag him kicking and screaming into a marriage that he doesn't want? If she wants marriage/children and he doesn't or can't make his mind up then they are incompatible

She initiated a conversation but he shut her down. She even waited some months. He didn't attempt a "beautiful dialogue" with her at all but was happy to live in her house knowing she was unhappy with the fact he wouldn't even discuss it

But at the end of the day she didn't want to be strung along indefinitely

Dweetfidilove · 16/12/2025 22:28

ForeverPombear · 16/12/2025 22:23

SO WHY IS HE SO UPSET NOW SHE HAS DUMPED HIM?

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I think this is the dumped BF here protesting 😂

FairKoala · 16/12/2025 22:28

OneGreenPoster · 16/12/2025 20:52

I think so too

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Isn’t this the other way round

She loved him enough to expect marriage

It was your DS who after 3 years didn’t love her enough to ask her to marry him.

When was he going to be ready.

DeftWasp · 16/12/2025 22:29

Bungle2168 · 16/12/2025 22:17

Cherchez l'homme.

I think you have hit the nail bang on the head. Perhaps the talk of marriage is a red herring - a trumped up reason to blame the OP’s son for the breakdown of the relationship when it she who has brought it down.

The OP said this outcome basically came out of the blue, and, as one sage Mumsnetter once remarked “If things do not make sense, it is because there is something you are not being told.”

I reckon the girlfriend is one crafty cookie.

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And that is why the OPs son needs to be even more careful how he treads - he needs to resist all temptation to try and win her back, he's already got close to the line, as if we are right she doesn't want him around (because there is someone else) and won't think twice about chucking him under the bus if he pushes his luck.

Regardless he needs to step away, dust himself off and crack on with life without her - and perhaps learn a few lessons along the way.

shhblackbag · 16/12/2025 22:31

Saladbrains · 16/12/2025 22:22

It’s not a faff-up: the son DID NOT WANT HER as a wife.

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Has he been harassing her just for the fun of it, then? Why repeatedly call and text someone he's not wanting back? Perhaps he's just dealing with a hurt ego and hating that she walked away.

Either way, she dodged a couple of bullets.

Tpu · 16/12/2025 22:31

Saladbrains · 16/12/2025 22:14

I agree with your last paragraph: from his perspective she wasn’t wife material.

They’re both better off going separate ways.

But the gf is not the heroine many of the previous posters here suggest. She’s just one of two people who let the relationship drag on far too long.

She showed he true colours by the immature ending; which clearly many posters here agree with, extolling their own selfishnesses as well.

Relationships can be brought to a close far more elegantly than the gf did.

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Really, in your view how should she have gone about this? Don’t forget that we don’t actually know what transpired between them.

FiredFromACannon · 16/12/2025 22:31

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

I think you’ve mistaken me for someone else, I don’t know you, and you don’t know me to know whether I’m a hypocrite or not.

CrazyGoatLady · 16/12/2025 22:31

OneGreenPoster · 16/12/2025 21:31

He is a brilliant dad, but he is very blunt at times.
Telling your son "you should've got your arse into gear if you wanted her that much" Isn't great when he's newly heartbroken
I think he needs some sympathy.

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Might be poor timing and not the best choice of words, but his dad's not totally wrong. If he wasn't ready to have an adult conversation about the future of the relationship and just dismissed her need for commitment as a "silly timeline" he wasn't ready for the kind of relationship she wanted. He's not ready for marriage, she is. He's not wrong or bad for not being ready. She's not wrong or bad for wanting more than he was willing to commit to. But they're not compatible, and this was only going to go one way.

At this point, your son probably needs support, empathy, and a bit of a dose of reality. Lots of couples at their age break up due to incompatibilities like this. He might learn something from it to take into his next relationship - don't dismiss your partner's needs as silly, don't kick the can down the road and hope problems will just go away, and if you are not in the same place as your partner regarding the future, be honest about it.

Blueberrymuffinsforthewin · 16/12/2025 22:31

OneGreenPoster · 16/12/2025 21:31

He is a brilliant dad, but he is very blunt at times.
Telling your son "you should've got your arse into gear if you wanted her that much" Isn't great when he's newly heartbroken
I think he needs some sympathy.

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I briefly saw your other thread but not read it all. This is probably why you work well together as parents though - dad being blunt and you being empathetic.

Saladbrains · 16/12/2025 22:31

ForeverPombear · 16/12/2025 22:23

SO WHY IS HE SO UPSET NOW SHE HAS DUMPED HIM?

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Because she wanted an emotional response from him, remember?

When he didn’t give an emotional response however long ago when she had her diary out asking for timelines you all jumped up and down on him for being emotionally uninvolved.

So she provoked him again, and this time he gave her the emotional response and like sheep you all follow each other with he’s wrong no matter what.

The son did not want her as a wife.
She obviously wasn’t good enough.
He stayed at her home for convenience.
She had enough and called it.

It doesn’t make any one of them more wrong than the other.

He has agency and he has choice, and his choice when she asked was “no thanks”.

Why can’t you all accept that he has the right to say “no thanks” by his behaviour?

His choice, his agency.

FluffyPinkPen · 16/12/2025 22:33

OneGreenPoster · 16/12/2025 21:31

He is a brilliant dad, but he is very blunt at times.
Telling your son "you should've got your arse into gear if you wanted her that much" Isn't great when he's newly heartbroken
I think he needs some sympathy.

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I think he needs the tough love he’s getting from his Dad. By all means look after him as a Mum does, but his ex-girlfriend is an adult woman who has made a choice. They might get back together if he wises up and realises what he’s lost. Depicting her as a sad old spinster in the Last Chance Saloon at the age of 27 doesn’t help either of them.

Thatsalineallright · 16/12/2025 22:34

Saladbrains · 16/12/2025 22:22

It’s not a faff-up: the son DID NOT WANT HER as a wife.

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Well exactly. The gf wanted marriage and so realised they were not on the same page and it was best to break up. But somehow you're saying she's unreasonable for doing so? So what, the gf should have just stuck around and ignored what she wants? Why?

Saladbrains · 16/12/2025 22:35

Tpu · 16/12/2025 22:31

Really, in your view how should she have gone about this? Don’t forget that we don’t actually know what transpired between them.

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Which is why everyone taking pot-shots at the son is crazy.

Like you said “We don’t actually know what transpired between them” and yet so many posters here are all team gf he’s a bad lad.

Pack of hyenas some of the people on here.

plsdontlookatme · 16/12/2025 22:36

Lots of women believe their adult son is God's gift. His dad is spot on, because he is a man, and he knows. Men know quickly whether they mean for a woman to be a wife or a placeholder.

takealettermsjones · 16/12/2025 22:37

Saladbrains · 16/12/2025 22:31

Because she wanted an emotional response from him, remember?

When he didn’t give an emotional response however long ago when she had her diary out asking for timelines you all jumped up and down on him for being emotionally uninvolved.

So she provoked him again, and this time he gave her the emotional response and like sheep you all follow each other with he’s wrong no matter what.

The son did not want her as a wife.
She obviously wasn’t good enough.
He stayed at her home for convenience.
She had enough and called it.

It doesn’t make any one of them more wrong than the other.

He has agency and he has choice, and his choice when she asked was “no thanks”.

Why can’t you all accept that he has the right to say “no thanks” by his behaviour?

His choice, his agency.

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If you're right and he never wanted her as a wife but chose to string her along because it was "convenient," that makes him very wrong in my book. Your mileage may vary.

Also, as an aside, it's interesting that you say neither is more wrong than the other and yet your language about him is almost clinically neutral, whereas your language about her is very loaded ("diary out," "provoked him," "wasn't good enough").