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Original poster

Son dumped by gf -update

865 replies

OneGreenPoster · 16/12/2025 17:06

Some posters said I should update with what happened, That thread is now full.
Things have escalated a bit and it looks like he'll have to move a lot sooner.
Not much else to say on the matter.
I didn't think the last thread would get so much interest, thanks for all the advice though

OP posts:
FreeRider · 16/12/2025 21:26

OneGreenPoster · 16/12/2025 20:52

I think so too

Show quote history

Bollocks.

When my father was 30, I was nearly 10...and my older brother was 11.

She got tired of waiting for your son to grow the fuck up.

Contrary to all the shit spouted in romantic music, films etc...love is not enough. Respect is needed as well, and your son had none for her. 'Silly time line'....how fucking dismissive!

He fucked around, he's now found out. Good on her, I hope she has a wonderful 2026.

OhcantthInkofaname · 16/12/2025 21:27

Why didn't she ask him?

sueelleker · 16/12/2025 21:27

Anuta77 · 16/12/2025 21:13

You sound very bitter, it's not this man, it's op's son and just telling a woman that he doesn't want to follow silly timelines isn't a reason for breakup and blocking. Op's son will do better and the ex will wait much longer for a marriage proposal from whoever she's seeing.

Edited
Show quote history

Why can't we have a downvote button like they do on Reddit?

FreeRider · 16/12/2025 21:29

OhcantthInkofaname · 16/12/2025 21:27

Why didn't she ask him?

Because you don't want to force anyone into marriage. I asked my ex husband and deeply regretted it. He was just like the OP's son. I should have been like the son's ex, and dumped him. I ended up wasting a total of 15 years on my ex... 25 - 40.

owlpassport · 16/12/2025 21:30

JohnofWessex · 16/12/2025 20:01

Shock Horror, perhaps she left him for nobody

I had an ex GF who didnt even manage to move in with me and eventually the whole business went cold.

I was 10 years her junior but she lost any opportunity she might have had to have children

Sounds to me like she escaped a life of misery that would have come from having children with someone like you.

k1233 · 16/12/2025 21:30

Saladbrains · 16/12/2025 20:13

I’m team son.

He’s completely allowed to feel the way he felt when she asked him if he wanted to marry her.

He felt the gf putting pressure on him and he sounds like he did not want to feel under pressure.

If the genders were reversed no-one would support a man applying pressure to a woman to get married.

The many posters supporting team gf because she knows what she wants are prime hypocrites.

If the gf wanted marriage she could have:
a) started the conversation a second and a third time.
b) proposed an engagement to him
c) proposed marriage to him.

It sounds like the gf stewed on one conversation and without a series of conversations or distress flares she went ahead and ended everything giving him very little notice.

That’s not marriage and partnership material behaviour. That’s not kindness in action.
And that certainly was not love in action.
The now ex-gf had only her needs in mind and clearly didn’t care about his feelings/wants and needs.

The conversation could have been the starting point of a beautiful dialogue of understanding each other’s needs, triggers, desires and vulnerabilities.

But no, the gf had to pull the trigger.

There’s another man somewhere, and she’s interested, I guarantee it.

The 30 year old son is well away from such petulant and childish behaviour.

Show quote history

Men pressure women into marriage with very public priposals where, if the woman says no, people do not think well of her.

Asking for a timeline is not applying pressure. It is a genuine way to ask where the relationship is heading - which she found out was nowhere.

Repeating the conversation two and three times is badgering. Who in their right mind would be happy with an engagement they had to badger their partner in to?

By referring to a timeline as silly, he called her and her feelings silly. He dismissed her. How much longer did he need, living together at her place, to know if he could see a future and marriage with her? It's really easy to remain the perpetual girlfriend and she indicated with her timeline request that she was not prepared to play that part. He basically called her silly for not wanting to and she decided she needed to move on to find someone who can give her what she wants.

Original poster
OneGreenPoster · 16/12/2025 21:31

Arlanymor · 16/12/2025 21:19

Let your husband take over from here as honestly he has his head screwed on right. Definitely best to leave before she comes back and draw a line. He sounds like he is being a brilliant dad to be honest. Supporting his son but also making the point that once it's over it's over. Your son will get over it in time, he is 30.

Edited

He is a brilliant dad, but he is very blunt at times.
Telling your son "you should've got your arse into gear if you wanted her that much" Isn't great when he's newly heartbroken
I think he needs some sympathy.

OP posts:
PInkyStarfish · 16/12/2025 21:33

Your son sounds an absolute horror.

He was lackadaisical about the relationship and dismissed her concerns when she wanted an adult discussion about where the relationship was heading and now she’s ended it he’s bombarded her with messages trying to get her back!

If he’s going to be a horrible nuisance I hope she gets a restraining order.

Anuta77 · 16/12/2025 21:34

StepAwayFromMyCrutches · 16/12/2025 18:45

By the way, when you said on the previous thread that she was taking a risk dumping him at 27, maybe I could remind you that he was that age when they met, and he found someone. The one taking the risk was him, being prepared to be flippant about making a commitment.

If he is serious about wanting to win her back, he will have to show her that he has learned and grown. Which means leaving her the fuck alone, standing on his own two feet and working on himself. I doubt it will be as straightforward as him just packing up and moving out, so maybe their paths will cross for long enough for him to show her his self improvement. And maybe he will get the opportunity to apologise for not taking her seriously, wish her well and offer her the sincere hope that in time, she may be willing to have him back. ON HER TERMS. Meaning if she says no, not interested, he walks away. In her shoes, I wouldn't have him back, but he has to do the work himself to even have a speck of a chance.

I agree that he and anyone really has to work on themselves. But I would never tell my son that the woman will only take him back ON HER TERMS. Both people matter in a relationship. I would actually be advising my son to move on. Nobody is that special.

shhblackbag · 16/12/2025 21:34

OneGreenPoster · 16/12/2025 21:31

He is a brilliant dad, but he is very blunt at times.
Telling your son "you should've got your arse into gear if you wanted her that much" Isn't great when he's newly heartbroken
I think he needs some sympathy.

Show quote history

Nah, his dad is right. He needs a reality check. He faffed around and is finding out.

Tiswa · 16/12/2025 21:35

OneGreenPoster · 16/12/2025 21:31

He is a brilliant dad, but he is very blunt at times.
Telling your son "you should've got your arse into gear if you wanted her that much" Isn't great when he's newly heartbroken
I think he needs some sympathy.

Show quote history

But he is correct and he probably should also say that because he didn’t it probably wasn’t right for him and he needs to move on.

because he does and because the truth is, if it was right for him this would not have happened and he needs to learn that when he does meet the right person he cannot and should not mess about the next time

ForeverPombear · 16/12/2025 21:35

Anuta77 · 16/12/2025 21:13

You sound very bitter, it's not this man, it's op's son and just telling a woman that he doesn't want to follow silly timelines isn't a reason for breakup and blocking. Op's son will do better and the ex will wait much longer for a marriage proposal from whoever she's seeing.

Edited
Show quote history

Come off it. You see it everyday on here and it's quite right - you don't actually need a reason to break up if you don't want to be with someone you don't have to be.

InterIgnis · 16/12/2025 21:36

DeftWasp · 16/12/2025 20:18

Indeed, true love is not transient, it is very deep and those truly in love can forgive almost anything - its not that common though, for most it is a fairly superficial emotion and can indeed switch off rather easily.

Show quote history

Ah, love as an incurable affliction. A bit like tertiary syphilis then, or rabies.

Love is not inherently unconditional, and why should it be? That the roots may be deep does not mean that it cannot be swiftly excised, or that the person that feels it must accept being ruled by it. No one is required to prove their love by way of suffering for and being a doormat to it, thankfully. If you like that for you then by all
means carry on, but I’ll pass.

Arlanymor · 16/12/2025 21:36

OneGreenPoster · 16/12/2025 21:31

He is a brilliant dad, but he is very blunt at times.
Telling your son "you should've got your arse into gear if you wanted her that much" Isn't great when he's newly heartbroken
I think he needs some sympathy.

Show quote history

Tough love is still love. Your view is different to your husband's - doesn't make either of you right or wrong - just different, as I say.

Sometimes people need bluntness - particularly when they are 30 - they're not a child anymore. My dad has given me tough love at times as an adult and I totally deserved it and got better from it.

Laura95167 · 16/12/2025 21:36

OneGreenPoster · 16/12/2025 21:31

He is a brilliant dad, but he is very blunt at times.
Telling your son "you should've got your arse into gear if you wanted her that much" Isn't great when he's newly heartbroken
I think he needs some sympathy.

Show quote history

Probably long term the combo will do him some good. Youre offering reassurance and dad's teaching accountability. He will be fine

Tpu · 16/12/2025 21:38

Saladbrains · 16/12/2025 20:13

I’m team son.

He’s completely allowed to feel the way he felt when she asked him if he wanted to marry her.

He felt the gf putting pressure on him and he sounds like he did not want to feel under pressure.

If the genders were reversed no-one would support a man applying pressure to a woman to get married.

The many posters supporting team gf because she knows what she wants are prime hypocrites.

If the gf wanted marriage she could have:
a) started the conversation a second and a third time.
b) proposed an engagement to him
c) proposed marriage to him.

It sounds like the gf stewed on one conversation and without a series of conversations or distress flares she went ahead and ended everything giving him very little notice.

That’s not marriage and partnership material behaviour. That’s not kindness in action.
And that certainly was not love in action.
The now ex-gf had only her needs in mind and clearly didn’t care about his feelings/wants and needs.

The conversation could have been the starting point of a beautiful dialogue of understanding each other’s needs, triggers, desires and vulnerabilities.

But no, the gf had to pull the trigger.

There’s another man somewhere, and she’s interested, I guarantee it.

The 30 year old son is well away from such petulant and childish behaviour.

Show quote history

He is perfectly entitled to feel anyway he likes but, other people have sovereignty too.

They had that beautiful conversation where she was told “some indefinable time, now don’t be a silly moo.”
And don’t forget OP as his Mum is going to get the sanitized version, perfect for her rose tinted spectacles.

He wasn’t being pressured at all, he was asked a question, he gave the answer he wanted and she acted on that. When he did his panicking “I’ll give you a ring tomorrow” she recognized what was really happening and said No Thanks.

She isn’t required to wait indefinitely.
She isn’t required to get his permission to end the relationship.
She isn’t required to initiate further multiple conversations where it is wrong and pressuring for her to tell him that she is thinking of ending the relationship due to his stalling; and also wrong of her to not let him know that he is unwittingly killing her love for him.

The reason he felt it was pressure is because he knew he wouldn’t marry her, but he liked the convenience of her until his Wife turned up. She is well rid of him.

BettysRoasties · 16/12/2025 21:38

Saladbrains · 16/12/2025 20:13

I’m team son.

He’s completely allowed to feel the way he felt when she asked him if he wanted to marry her.

He felt the gf putting pressure on him and he sounds like he did not want to feel under pressure.

If the genders were reversed no-one would support a man applying pressure to a woman to get married.

The many posters supporting team gf because she knows what she wants are prime hypocrites.

If the gf wanted marriage she could have:
a) started the conversation a second and a third time.
b) proposed an engagement to him
c) proposed marriage to him.

It sounds like the gf stewed on one conversation and without a series of conversations or distress flares she went ahead and ended everything giving him very little notice.

That’s not marriage and partnership material behaviour. That’s not kindness in action.
And that certainly was not love in action.
The now ex-gf had only her needs in mind and clearly didn’t care about his feelings/wants and needs.

The conversation could have been the starting point of a beautiful dialogue of understanding each other’s needs, triggers, desires and vulnerabilities.

But no, the gf had to pull the trigger.

There’s another man somewhere, and she’s interested, I guarantee it.

The 30 year old son is well away from such petulant and childish behaviour.

Show quote history

Why should she chase a man to love and marry her? She waited 3 years, let him live in her home. Asked him for a serious conversation. He laughs her off at 30’years of age like a child.

She left him. He tried to win her back saying he would propose, his then constantly Rang and messaged her. His the loser in the story chasing after the women who no longer wants him. He had his chance.

so yes team ex gf she knows her self worth

Cherrytree86 · 16/12/2025 21:39

OneGreenPoster · 16/12/2025 21:31

He is a brilliant dad, but he is very blunt at times.
Telling your son "you should've got your arse into gear if you wanted her that much" Isn't great when he's newly heartbroken
I think he needs some sympathy.

Show quote history

@OneGreenPoster

your husband is only speaking the truth though.

ItsameLuigi · 16/12/2025 21:40

Thanks for returning with an update op!

Lettucealone · 16/12/2025 21:40

Anuta77 · 16/12/2025 21:13

You sound very bitter, it's not this man, it's op's son and just telling a woman that he doesn't want to follow silly timelines isn't a reason for breakup and blocking. Op's son will do better and the ex will wait much longer for a marriage proposal from whoever she's seeing.

Edited
Show quote history

Hahahahaha! I love a comedy comment 😅😆

FiredFromACannon · 16/12/2025 21:42

OhcantthInkofaname · 16/12/2025 21:27

Why didn't she ask him?

Well she did, didn’t she.

Like it or not the tradition in the UK is for the man to propose to the woman, so she asked him in a roundabout way so that he wouldn’t feel emasculated and had the opportunity to ask her in the usual fashion, as people are bound to ask how the engagement came about.

My husband and I jointly decided to get married in a conversation initiated by me, I even paid for the engagement ring because I had a credit card with a good cashback offer on it, he still wanted to get down on one knee and ‘do it properly’.

Lettucealone · 16/12/2025 21:42

Cherrytree86 · 16/12/2025 21:39

@OneGreenPoster

your husband is only speaking the truth though.

Show quote history

Yes, it was a very fair comment, and quite correct, and it did need to be said. Hopefully it's not being repeated though, as the OPs son will be grieving the loss of the relationship for a while, and even though it's really his own fault, it would be unkind of his dad to keep repeating this information.

Hopefully they will just now both help keep him distracted while he learns from his mistake and gets on with the next part of his life, without his ex.

Bananaandmangosmoothie · 16/12/2025 21:43

Better to make a clean break of it than dragging it out.

ForeverPombear · 16/12/2025 21:43

ItsameLuigi · 16/12/2025 21:40

Thanks for returning with an update op!

I agree with this. A lot of posters who get a hard time (which you have) don't come back. I don't agree with what you've said etc but do appreciate you coming back

BettysRoasties · 16/12/2025 21:44

I love the if she loved him. That’s just another be nice be kind thrown at women.

How about if he loved her he wouldn’t have called her wanting to know a possible future silly. He wouldn’t have waited till she was ready to leave to be ready to commit. He wouldn’t have let her believe he didn’t really truely want her.

This whole if you love me is some teenage bullshit.

If you loved me you’d clean the toilet. If you love me you’d buy me a £5,000 necklace. If you loved me you’d (enter sex act). If you loved me you’d put up with it. If you loved me you wouldn’t leave.

Childish bullshit

Be nice. Be kind. Till it hurts someone’s man child son 🥱