Would it bother you if one person wasn’t drinking at Christmas?

[wakinginthenight]

Dh and I do like to have a few drinks at Christmas and enjoy ourselves.
We are having Christmas at home just family and we all intend to have a good amount of drink, play a few silly party games, music and just let our hair down because it’s Christmas but there is one person who’ll be coming who has requested alcohol free beer as he’s not drinking.
He does drink, he’s just decided he won’t on this occasion.
I feel a bit miffed to be honest that we are all going to be drinking and one sober person will be sitting there watching.
I know IABU but I really wish they would not come if they are just going to sit there and remember everything, I don’t think it helps that they will be here all day and all night.

Oh for fucks sake have a word with yourself! He's not going to be a bloody spectator sitting there judging you, he's taking part in Christmas and literally just drinking a different beer to you.

If you, a full grown adult are not comfortable with the way somebody sober is going to see you behaving when you're drinking, that's 100% a you problem.

I very rarely drink alcohol and I avoid people with attitudes like yours like the plague. It's so very fragile and toxic.

For me, it's simply a choice, I drank a lot in my student days but nowadays drink so little that I fall asleep after one glass of wine and have a hangover after two - and I really just do not get enough pleasure out of those two glasses of wine to make it worth the hangover. For others, it's for health or addiction reasons and the person you have invited may not wish to disclose either of those things to you and that should be respected.

I have plenty of fun without alcohol and I feel very sorry for people who don't seem to be able to let their hair down relax and have fun without it.

So you'll buy alcohol but not non alcoholic drinks?!
You sound like a great friend.
Its such an odd take to have in inviting a friend over. You're not comfortable unless they are drunk. Odd. So odd

To add to this good point if your step son acts weird ignore him he's 25. He has options if he feels uncomfortable.

Nobody hates him but no we DID NOT invite him and DO NOT want him to come.
The reason is that we have made other plans between ourselves this year and he has disrupted that.

That is what this thread is all about, I said that all along so not sure why all the Sherlock Holmes are coming out thinking they’ve just worked that out.

How is him inviting himself to our house to be fed and tell me what drink to buy him, more entitled than us wanting to spend Christmas how we choose in our own home?

We’ve already had to change all the food plans because we originally planned on doing a party/finger food buffet that the kids wanted now we have to have a sit down roast because he wouldn’t eat that and now we can’t have a drink either and yes I am pissed off and I ranted on here to save saying it to his face, if he’d been invited I would have happily been more accommodating but we he wasn’t and we I resent our plans being scuppered.
There’s not much we can do about it now, he’s told us he’s coming so what will be will be.

I already have alcohol in as we planned to drink it, I will have to buy alcohol free beer, I just said I don’t know why he couldn’t bring some himself.

She doesn't like drinking around him because of his attitude. He's a 25 year old man who will one day be drinking around his own children.

Ok it just gets weirder and weirder... The guest that won't be drinking is your stepson. The primary aged children you share with your husband will also be there and also not drinking. You are happy to drink in front of them because they won't judge you, but not your adult step-son, as he will, and will also 'cross-examine' you the next day on things you've said.

I ask - again - what on earth you will be doing that is fine for non-judgemental children to see, but not an adult?

Your husband's son should be able to visit at christmas without all this.

The alcohol almost feels like a red herring - you'd planned a quiet Christmas at home with just YOUR children, and now HIS child is coming and you don't like him - and like him even less when he's sober. Which when you read it like that, isn't brilliant of you.

And then you've overlaid a whole load of weirdness about alcohol on top.

If you’ve got young kids, I presume you will not be getting very drunk and so hopefully there will be nothing to judge. If you are drinking enough for him to judge your behaviour, then you should not be in charge of your children.

Whaf a thing to focus on OP! I feel sorry for you that this is what your Christmas is about!

Find where she said she doesn't like her step son. You're not helping. Most parents with boundaries would not be saying this. He is 25 and the op should continue as planned and ignore his attitude.

Nope, it's really still not your business.

If you think he's a CF for asking you to buy him beer, deal with that, but you're only salty about buying it for him because it's alcohol free. Given that alcohol is undeniably harmful to health and addictive it's a particularly shitty thing that you're objecting to him not imbibing it.

Shock horror, plenty of people will be sober on Christmas day for the simple reason that they're driving home. Their families will have their bucks fizz canapes, three types of wine with lunch, Irish coffees and baileys all night just like they want and the world will keep on turning.

Are your children going to be drinking too, given how awful it is for your adult SS to be sober and witnessing you drinking?

Do you feel the same way if somebody chooses not to eat Christmas pudding?

Don’t be ridiculous. Have your roast. Esp if your kids want it. He can make a sandwich from the meat and heat up some party food. Don’t be a martyr just so you can whinge some more. You seem determined to be miserable!

Show quote history
"We plan on us all drinking, not one person just turning up to judge."

YABU
For keep saying 'all' when you mean just you and your DH.

For drip feeding in the way you have on this thread.

For asking AIBU, having the majority say you are BU, yet keep arguing with posters and changing your story.

It sounds like you need to sort out your feelings about your step son - that's the real issue here.
Maybe change your perspective. Have a drink at Xmas if you want to (just not to the point you get shitfaced)., enjoy yourself in your own home, and try to get your DSS involved somehow. If he wants to be moody and judgemental then, so what? That's on him. Right now all your posts point to it being a 'you' problem

Spectator to what?? What do you when you’re drinking that you feel like a non drinker will be a ‘spectator’ and you’re worried he’ll remember what’s been done? That sounds like a you/alcohol problem.

Just say he can’t come then. I mean bah humbug to you if you can’t be arsed to see one of Dh’s family over Xmas but that’s on you.

Are you speaking for you and your DH or has DH said he doesn’t want his own son to come round on Christmas?

It's as clear as day that she doesn't like her stepson. It's infused througout this entire thread. The resentment comes out of every post. She's utterly poisonous about him.

OP shouldn't have married a man with kids if she wasn't prepared to compromise a bit.

Why on earth do you need to drink alot. Why do you need to drink to enjoy yourself?

Sad post.
The person who dosent want to drink is the sensible one, suggest you all follow suit, instead of trying to exclude them.
🙄

just realised he’s your step son. Wow, bet he feels really loved and welcomed by you all. I’d never dream of asking such a close family member to bring their own drinks. Will you tell your own kids to bring their own drinks when they’re 25yo?

you say you have alcohol in already. Well yes, but if he drank that you’d have to buy more at some point (and quite soon by the sound of you). You’re really quibbling over spending £5 on non alcoholic beer for your step son? Go you, step mother of the year!

Nice. Not. He is one of the children. Are you going to ban your kids when they become adults as well? Thankgod my step dad dosn't have your attitude, I'm his daughter simple as and welcome anytime. You are horrendous

She's not allowed to criticise him because she's the step mother. Are your kids angels?

Disapproving of what? Who is he?

We are having Christmas at home just family

is he not family? Your husband’s son? Your kids half brother? Does your husband also not consider him family?

Yeah, sure Jan.

DH is fuming but what can he say?
He’s told us he’s coming so he’s coming, not much we can do about it but it’s blown our plans apart because we don’t need him sitting there with his eyebrows raised.
He won’t go until late so it’s just what it is now.

This is a completely different post to the one you started this thread with.

So what's your biggest problem - that your stepson who lives two minutes walk away wants to spend Christmas with his dad's family, or that he wants to do it sober?