Would it bother you if one person wasn’t drinking at Christmas?

[wakinginthenight]

Dh and I do like to have a few drinks at Christmas and enjoy ourselves.
We are having Christmas at home just family and we all intend to have a good amount of drink, play a few silly party games, music and just let our hair down because it’s Christmas but there is one person who’ll be coming who has requested alcohol free beer as he’s not drinking.
He does drink, he’s just decided he won’t on this occasion.
I feel a bit miffed to be honest that we are all going to be drinking and one sober person will be sitting there watching.
I know IABU but I really wish they would not come if they are just going to sit there and remember everything, I don’t think it helps that they will be here all day and all night.

She’s not just criticising him, shes bitching about him to a load of strangers and sulking that she has to accommodate him at Christmas in his dad’s house because she wants to get pissed.

The OP is being an utter dick to this guy. I just don’t believe anyone can’t see this.

Are you going to ban your kids when they become adults as well?

If she tries to insist they drink alcohol, she may not need to ban them.

Plus they'll have seen how their older brother was treated at Christmas.

Are you my mother?

I don't drink very often because I don't like the way it makes me feel, post-menopause. She's forever picking at me about it.

I find it odd that anyone would be fuming that their own son will be attending Christmas. Surely a parent would want their ‘child’ there.

Wow. You think people can’t have fun if they don’t drink? Plenty of my friends don’t drink. They still manage to go out, let their hair down and have a good time. Or, stay in, join in, and have a good time!
Maybe you are worried how this reflects on the amount you are drinking?

You could have told him you don’t have non-alcoholic beers in and asked him to bring his own, and you chose to change your food plans for a guest - he didn’t make you do this.

and now we can’t have a drink either and yes I am pissed off
Why not, seeing as he drinks at other times (so isn’t morally opposed to alcohol)? You’re not planning on getting pissed, so won’t be behaving any differently or doing anything to upset him, and there’ll nothing for him to judge?
If you’re just planning on having a couple of glasses of wine and playing games with the kids, as you’re now claiming, it won’t be an issue.

Of course, if you want to ‘let your hair down’ and you’re planning to get blind drunk, having him there and not drinking would change the dynamic. But as you’ve said you’ll be focusing on your young children, you won’t be doing that. So what’s the problem?

I suspect this is less about him not drinking and more about his judgmental attitude. My DDs partner often doesn't drink but he is the life and soul of the party whether drinking or now. He never judges.

We all intend to have a good amount to drink

making it sound lots of people m
bur it’s just you and dh and kids

how drunk /many drinks are you planning to have , esp as have young kids

yes have a few drinks but no need to go over drunk /silly so they step son feels uncomfortable

sounds like you don’t like him much. What does his dad think of him coming round

Well look on the brightside at least there will be 1 sober adult in the house should anything happen to 1 of your DC..shame it won't be either of their parents though because getting pissed is more important.

I think you should delete this thread and start again to be honest.

You're getting responses based on your OP and your subsequent drip feeds of information. It's as if you're playing your own game of Chinese Whispers and getting frustrated that no one is keeping up with the story.

Why is your husband fuming that his adult son wants to spend Christmas with him?

Can your DH not use his grown up words to have some boundaries with his son?

"Yes son you're welcome, but just to let you know we're doing finger food buffet not roast turkey."

"No, we're not offering to cook you a roast, we want a buffet. You're welcome to join us for that or make other arrangements with somebody who is cooking a roast if you prefer."

"Actually son we really want to have a Christmas just us. We thought you were going to see your mother this year?" (still shitty but more honest than getting catsbumface about his sobriety).

"Oh, you want us to buy your preferred choice of drink that we don't usually buy? That's cheeky of you son, best you bring whatever it is you like with you, and don't forget your manners the way I raised you (cough) that it's customary to bring a small gift for the hosts. Chocolates or flowers usually, but your stepmum and I want to get wankered, so cheapest vodka will do."

Because he wants to spend Christmas with his Dad presumably.

I am genuinely finding it pretty entertaining to work out what on earth she would do in front of her kids that would somehow be inappropriate in front of her grown stepson. And if she genuinely intended to get blackout drunk on Christmas even with her party-of-2 with her husband while her children... watched? It's not really that entertaining actually, just confusing.

sorry, but that is ridiculous, I don't drink, as never found anything I liked, but I happily drive my friends when we go out, and am certainly not a spectator in any alcohol fuelled antics. Either at home of if I'm in someone else's home. I assume you aren't used to having someone sober at a gathering, I can assure you most of us are getting stuck in with whatever frivolity is going on, we just don't suffer the following day.

Or about his father and stepmother passively resenting his presence at Christmas but not using their words. Maybe it's about that.

Why do you think they are going to be watching you all night? Pissed people really aren’t that interesting.

just read your updates, now have no idea why he would want to be there anyway.

Are you an alcoholic?

I don't know anyone who says all when they mean both.
From OP i understood a big gathering

I actually think if you’ve planned a relaxing day at home where you can eat and drink what you want including making a really easy fun meal rather than slaving in the kitchen all morning, it’s annoying that this has changed your plans and meant you feel you cant relax as much as you would like.

Its lovely to spend time with family, but it’s rude if people are hosting to then dictate what food and drink they provide.

I would say your house, your rules, your choice of food and if they want something different they can bring it.

Wow. Drip feed post of the year.

Gone from one guest attending your 'party' staying sober where 'everyone' will be drinking, when in truth is it's only one guest attending (if he could be called a guest) - your step son, and the issue is about him.

You know YABU, you even say so in your first post.

@WeNeedToTalkAboutIT out of all of your suggestions I would go with the last one "Oh, you want us to buy your preferred choice of drink that we don't usually buy? That's cheeky of you son, best you bring whatever it is you like with you, and don't forget your manners the way I raised you (cough) that it's customary to bring a small gift for the hosts. Chocolates or flowers usually, but your stepmum and I want to get wankered, so cheapest vodka will do." That's my favourite. I agree it's about setting boundaries he needs to fit into your home not the other way around.

YABU - usually in my experience someone being bothered about someone else not drinking is rooted in being uncomfortable about their own relationship with booze. You might only be drinking at parties, but something has touched a nerve hasn’t it OP?

Would it be any different if they were female and pregnant, for instance? I’m currently 7 months, and feel slightly sad not to be joining in with the booze at Christmas parties etc (although having had 3 pregnancies now, it’s really no big deal) but I think I’d be seething if I thought someone was resenting my presence purely because I was on the 0% stuff. I mean, what does it have to do with you what other people are drinking?!

Are the games you play so dire that they are no fun/make no sense when sober and you just don’t want your guests to cotton onto that?!

I feel like if he was drinking, you still wouldn’t want him there. The not drinking is just something you’re hanging your dislike of him on. If it wasn’t that, it would be something else.

So you married a shitty man who is 'fuming' about having to do the absolute bare minimum in basic parenting to his DS and you are worried this will impact on you getting shitfaced trashed and that you wont be allowed to spout offensive talk with him there, all while your young kids watch on.

JFC, every post you make gets worse.