AIBU Christmas cancelled - family fall out

[Whiteoleander2]

Background - we changed our lifestyle and DSs last year, there's specific foods now our DS are not allowed especially not regular and not without permission from us first. Last year just before Christmas we found out my mum and my grandad had been giving DS specific foods he was not allowed and also telling him not to tell us and lie. OH banned them from Christmas day, they visited Christmas eve eve instead to do gifts and they flew to Spain for Christmas and new year. It took quite some time afterwards to build up the trust, they swore it wouldn't happen again. Well we was all planned and ready for Christmas. Mum was going to cook at mine and host grandad too. Well OH had suspected for some time that my mum or grandad had been feeding DS things he's not allowed. DS kept denying it when asked but OH said he can tell when DS is lying. I even asked my mum multiple times to her face and she kept telling me she hadn't given him anything. I've been backing my mum and grandad to my OH insisting they haven't and it's now come out they have been doing it for the past 3/4 months and again telling DS not to tell us and keep it a secret. I'm obviously upset/disappointed and OH is even more annoyed. I've had to cancel Christmas dinner at mine with them but feel really sad, not about my grandad as we aren't close and he recently shouted at me over a meal out because he doesn't agree with said food choices for our DS which are nothing to do with him and I find it extremely rude he started shouting at me in the middle of a restaurant but I feel sad about my mum. OH thinks I should just let them give presents at the door and not even let them in the house and he doesn't want DS to see my mum for a year (our son was doing a lot better previously not seeing my mum/grandad) his focus, behavior, attitude all changed and improved but he does enjoy seeing them both. I obviously don't trust my mum alone with my DS anymore. They'd recently booked to take DS abroad next year which I've had to tell DS he won't be going now. In part it is DS fault too, he's 9 and knows he shouldn't be eating those foods nor lying to us.
AIBU to have cancelled Christmas with them?
WWYD in this situation?
How do I move forward with my mum or do I not?

It's the OH you need to get rid of. He sounds completely crazy and controlling. You're focussing on all the wrong things.
Your poor dc's are going to need years of therapy.

I am so fuming at that poor child being force fed this miserable diet. Being told he can't go on holiday - and threats that he can't get his x box if he sees his gran.

His gran that they use when it suits. I am sorry for the OP that she's stuck in this situation but in the time we've all been posting on here she could have called her mum - she won't. She's happy to see her son being treated like shite because she can't leave her partner.

I get it. It's horrible when you are being abused but this thread should have been a wake up call and she's back on here defending him - words fail me

Sounds like it now

Op -would you leave if he hit you or your son - because in my experience mental cruelty comes with physical violence - what is it going to take for you to get away from him

Am hoping it is. Horrifically tragic if not.

If your mother is so bad, how come you trust her to look after your son? Your OH's views are coming out in what you type. I hope for you and the children that you realise who wants the best for you.

Social services absolutely would be concerned. No children won’t be removed, but there will absolutely be concern about controlling and coercive behaviour and the 9 y/o will definitely be asked for their account of things.

I can't believe that she's just typed that her OP thinks that her son is going to be killed by being fed chocolate. The chocolate that he had for years - come on. This is ridiculous.

He's going to disown his own kid. Op. Tell him to get to fuck and get on with your own life

He forced you to eat that stupid diet when you were pregnant. Wake up. Stop making excuses

And when your kid goes to school and he tells people how shite his life is - someone might call social services or go to a guidance teacher at school

You cannot expect this child to be treated like this indefinitely and for outsiders not to be concerned. It's abuse

I’m hoping school have picked up on this situation. Also if OP does cut contact with her family they may also feel pushed to contact social services as I am sure they are very worried about both the children and OP.

I didn't say she was that bad. I was trying to explain more as to why OH dislikes her so much and another reason he's never really wanted DS around her much long before any of my threads and the abuse. He isn't happy to use her as childcare etc he's quite happy to not have her involved, it's been that way for a long time. I don't mind either way, she's always been very helpful but DS enjoys spending time with her albeit his behavior does change after too much time around her (it's always been that way) so if she offers and wants to spend time with him I don't tend to stop it. I don't agree with a lot of OHs behavior but I also don't agree with what my mum did either.

And diets that are like this are a red flag because fixation on foods and eating to this degree can be very dangerous

@Whiteoleander2
WHAT IS YOUR OPINION ON YOUR CHILD BEING DISOWNED IF HE EATS CHOCOLATE???

Although please do tell the school of your plan, would love to know their thoughts on that!

I don't agree with a lot of OHs behaviour but I also don't agree with what my mum did either

You don't agree with a lot of OH's behaviour?

@Whiteoleander2 so you're okay with his calling you a fucking cunt, just because you got your baby a perfectly normal activity table? And all his threats?

WTF OP!

I'm going to say this quite clearly. Wake up and smell the fucking coffee. You are being abused by your OH. He sent you texts the other day calling you a retard and a cunt. He's abusing your nine year old child. I no longer want to hear your excuses.

Get the fuck away from him before he destroys your child mentally and you and the baby

You don't agree with a lot of his behaviour -but youre complicit in it. At this point I think you are as bad as he is because he's abusing your child and you won't leave him!

I really hope someone alerts social services about your abuser of a partner because all you are doing is making excuses for him

Not just a cunt - a retard too

If I knew who you were I'd be calling social services myself. Because despite all the advice you've been given on here - you seem happy to let your son be abused by your partner

Fucking disgrace - and you had a baby with him when your relationship was bad - you actively brought another life into this mess

@Whiteoleander2 yet again on this thread you're fixating on the wrong thing.

On the activity table thread, you only wanted everyone's opinion on the validity of baby activity tables.
You avoided the whole topic of your husband's extremely abusive behaviour.

Now, on this thread, you're demonising your mother and making excuses for your husband again.

How can we help you to recognise the abuse, and how can we help you to get away with your dependent children?

You're basically saying you feel torn between a splinter in a finger on one hand and having your arm forcibly ripped off on the the other.

Another way to put it, this is like when one of these poor kids on the news is killed by their step mum/dad and the bio parent had stopped them seeing their grandparents because they reported the bruises.

I wish I knew who you were. I'd report you myself.

I don't think she cares. Sadly.

I agree. It’s so upsetting to think children in this situation with an evil man and a mum who despite having a loving family won’t sort it out.

This diet (basically Atkins) could kill a child through weight gain, heart problems, high LDL cholesterol. Makes me sick.

Same, and actually hoping hq have some way of finding this woman and alerting ss.

Only cares about herself and her man 😍, loves young dream y’all…

I know how hard it is when you are in an abusive relationship - I grew up with it. But my mum wanted him out and he wouldn't go. She also tried to protect me and my brother from the worst of it.

Even after my uncle threw my stepfather out he was still writing my mum letters asking to be let back in

He battered her. He tried to kill her and my brother - he walked out of the house one day and turned the gas taps on hoping the house would blow up. He was evil

And my mum sat me down after he left and she said to me. He is never coming back here. Never

He was mentally and physically abusive to my mum and both go hand in hand - if you hate your partner then you'll start hitting them as far as I'm concerned