AIBU Christmas cancelled - family fall out

[Whiteoleander2]

Background - we changed our lifestyle and DSs last year, there's specific foods now our DS are not allowed especially not regular and not without permission from us first. Last year just before Christmas we found out my mum and my grandad had been giving DS specific foods he was not allowed and also telling him not to tell us and lie. OH banned them from Christmas day, they visited Christmas eve eve instead to do gifts and they flew to Spain for Christmas and new year. It took quite some time afterwards to build up the trust, they swore it wouldn't happen again. Well we was all planned and ready for Christmas. Mum was going to cook at mine and host grandad too. Well OH had suspected for some time that my mum or grandad had been feeding DS things he's not allowed. DS kept denying it when asked but OH said he can tell when DS is lying. I even asked my mum multiple times to her face and she kept telling me she hadn't given him anything. I've been backing my mum and grandad to my OH insisting they haven't and it's now come out they have been doing it for the past 3/4 months and again telling DS not to tell us and keep it a secret. I'm obviously upset/disappointed and OH is even more annoyed. I've had to cancel Christmas dinner at mine with them but feel really sad, not about my grandad as we aren't close and he recently shouted at me over a meal out because he doesn't agree with said food choices for our DS which are nothing to do with him and I find it extremely rude he started shouting at me in the middle of a restaurant but I feel sad about my mum. OH thinks I should just let them give presents at the door and not even let them in the house and he doesn't want DS to see my mum for a year (our son was doing a lot better previously not seeing my mum/grandad) his focus, behavior, attitude all changed and improved but he does enjoy seeing them both. I obviously don't trust my mum alone with my DS anymore. They'd recently booked to take DS abroad next year which I've had to tell DS he won't be going now. In part it is DS fault too, he's 9 and knows he shouldn't be eating those foods nor lying to us.
AIBU to have cancelled Christmas with them?
WWYD in this situation?
How do I move forward with my mum or do I not?

That poor little 9 year old. What a horrible tense home. No wonder Gran tries to be kind to him. OP is complicit in control abuse of DS now too.

Social services don't just run into peoples housing taking kids away - they try and keep families together. They are not going to take two children out of a home because a father is making a 9 year old son eat a carnivore diet. They have far more urgent cases of neglect and abuse to be dealing with - kids being beaten up, starved, sexually abused

The OP is complicit but she's being abused too - he's the issue

Fully agree!

@Whiteoleander2 you must pay no attention to posts which suggest you'll have your children taken away from you. You won't, I promise.

But you do need help to get away from this abusive man. Can you contact Women's Aid?

Yeah he has cut his parents out alot over the years and barely sees them anymore as they aren't very respectful (different culture) think about themselves a lot, don't believe in mental health etc. I probably should have added a bigger picture about my mum as my OH has never really liked the type of person she was as my own mum used to do drugs with me when I was in my 20s before I met my OH. When I met my OH I completely stopped that party lifestyle and moved out of my mum's. My mum doesnt do drugs now as far as I know. OH is convinced she only cares about herself and how she feels and is willing to poison DS and kill him based on her wanting to feed him things OH is convinced is bad for him. OH says that if I let it continue to happen he will disown older son as he doesn't want to sit by and watch.

This man is crazy!
Your poor sons; don’t expose them any further and leave whilst you still have a mum that can support you!

Yet again, you have deflecting from this man who is the problem.

Are you listening to anyone at all? Or just pleased to watch the page count go up and up?

This is very over the top op. We clean eat but you sound obsessive I’m with your mum in this one

It's her husband who's obsessive.
You should read all the OP's posts to get a clearer idea of what's actually going on here.

Sorry OP this man sounds awful and you’re worrying about the wrong thing. The chocolate is a red herring - he’ll disown his own son if you let him see your mum? You see how batshit that is?

DP is worried his son is at risk from chocolate, so if this 9 year old eats chocolate his dad will disown him?

Wtuf? Based on your posts alone you need to leave this man.

I suspect the Granny is so concerned about her daughter and grand children at the hands of this man that she's staying in their life no matter what. I imagine Granny realises the time her grandson spends with her she can try and mitigate some of the damage. Hopefully it's not just chocolate and she gives him a jacket spud, apples and bananas, breadsticks, carrots and hummus, etc. All the normal healthy food he's being restricted from that he actually needs to be healthy.

Your husband is an abuser and you know this. And you are now trashing your mums name to try and justify your husbands behaviour. Don't do this. The same mum you trust with your son 4 days a week. Sorry. Not buying it

He's going to disown your older son? He's 9. Disown? How can you type that and want to stay with him?

I'm sorry - you either get away from this abuser or live a really miserable life

She's going to kill him by feeding him chocolate. He's a fucking nutcase. Get away from him before he damages the baby as well. He's completely unhinged. Stop making excuses for him

In a years time you'll still be with this man. That's quite clear. You have no intention of leaving. You are making excuses for him. Stop doing this! You are forcing a child to eat a horrible restrictive diet - it's child abuse! Stop it. Your OH sounds like he hates you and hates your son - leave before this escalates. You've had hundreds of posts of advice on here and you come on here trying to defend him - don't do that.

He's a rotten fucking bastard. Get away from him or your son is going to get away from the pair of you as soon as he's able to.

OP, your last post shows you are now painting your mother as an awful person, even though she has been looking after your son. This is because all the comments are pointing to your husband being an abuser, but you want to continue wanting to put the spotlight and blame on her, and avoid looking at the behaviour of your husband. Your mom's behaviour is in the past, your huband's abuse is NOW, and it is hurting your child. I suspect you won't, but you really need to leave with your child.

This, ok @Whiteoleander2 everyone else is wrong and disrespectful to your amazing oh. He’s absolutely right in disowning your 9 yo, a prince among men. How lucky you are he has such strong morals! You and he are totally righteous!!

fucking hell that you will stay with him given his vile views about your child!!
he deserves a better life, away from the pair of you, as does the baby

That's it. He's abusing her kid and she's on here trying to make excuses for him - at this point you are no better than him. You are forcing your 9 year old child to eat a horrible restrictive diet. I really need to step out of this thread for a bit. This is child abuse. He is abusing your child. Cancelling the holiday. Telling your mum she can't come for Christmas

She started a thread the other day saying he called her a cunt and a retard and she's still making excuses for him

I hope your child walks away from you at 16 and never comes back if you stay with this unhinged abuser.

Your mum was a drug user so that makes it OK that your OH is an unhinged cunt! No it doesn't. The same mum you are happy to use when you need your child picking up from school -fuck off

Get your kids away from this man. How actually dare you even think about staying with someone who would disown a kid for wanting chocolate

He's abusing your son and I hope the scales fall from your eyes quickly

Oh and he hates his parents too - what a fucking surprise eh

OH says that if I let it continue to happen he will disown older son as he doesn't want to sit by and watch.
and if your response to that wasn’t “there’s the door” @Whiteoleander2 then that’s ridiculous.
anyone who continues with the “poor op, she’s a victim 😭” needs to read her last post where she appears willing to abandon her child, chuck him under the bus, to please her shit of an OH.

I'm out. Complicit in the abuse of her son and throwing her mum under the bus too.

How could anyone watch a child being force fed a diet like that and still make excuses for that cunt.

This post op is an excellent example of red flag behaviour from your husband.
I'm fucking outraged- your poor son.
When you were pregnant you were expected to eat clean?
Of course we should all be eating our fruits and veggies but he shouldn't be controlling who sees who, who eats what and who can feed your son what is if it's in proportion.
Your husband is the problem not the chocolate .

Yes. He forced her to eat this diet when she was pregnant

He cannot take his name off a birth certificate. Nor can he dictate the relationship between your youngest and your family.

Veggies aren't allowed on this stupid cunty diet. Only berries

And you've got a baby growing up with this abusive twat too - what about him.

Yep, but still on the “woe is me!!! I’m the victim” bandwagon, but after reading her recent drivel it’s clear she’s now seeing herself as a victim of her terrible mother- who she gets to do childcare and the awful non complicit son. Getting scary vibes of the mother in ‘A child called It’ now…