AIBU Christmas cancelled - family fall out

[Whiteoleander2]

Background - we changed our lifestyle and DSs last year, there's specific foods now our DS are not allowed especially not regular and not without permission from us first. Last year just before Christmas we found out my mum and my grandad had been giving DS specific foods he was not allowed and also telling him not to tell us and lie. OH banned them from Christmas day, they visited Christmas eve eve instead to do gifts and they flew to Spain for Christmas and new year. It took quite some time afterwards to build up the trust, they swore it wouldn't happen again. Well we was all planned and ready for Christmas. Mum was going to cook at mine and host grandad too. Well OH had suspected for some time that my mum or grandad had been feeding DS things he's not allowed. DS kept denying it when asked but OH said he can tell when DS is lying. I even asked my mum multiple times to her face and she kept telling me she hadn't given him anything. I've been backing my mum and grandad to my OH insisting they haven't and it's now come out they have been doing it for the past 3/4 months and again telling DS not to tell us and keep it a secret. I'm obviously upset/disappointed and OH is even more annoyed. I've had to cancel Christmas dinner at mine with them but feel really sad, not about my grandad as we aren't close and he recently shouted at me over a meal out because he doesn't agree with said food choices for our DS which are nothing to do with him and I find it extremely rude he started shouting at me in the middle of a restaurant but I feel sad about my mum. OH thinks I should just let them give presents at the door and not even let them in the house and he doesn't want DS to see my mum for a year (our son was doing a lot better previously not seeing my mum/grandad) his focus, behavior, attitude all changed and improved but he does enjoy seeing them both. I obviously don't trust my mum alone with my DS anymore. They'd recently booked to take DS abroad next year which I've had to tell DS he won't be going now. In part it is DS fault too, he's 9 and knows he shouldn't be eating those foods nor lying to us.
AIBU to have cancelled Christmas with them?
WWYD in this situation?
How do I move forward with my mum or do I not?

So sorry to read this @Ifoott can only hope op reads this and others like your experience and use that as impetus to put her dc before this evil shit of a man.

OP wake up and get out. You and your children deserve so much more than to be with this very controlling man. Your mum can see how bad it is. Hopefully you will too.

Let him remove himself it sounds like your son would be better off. Your mother and grandad arent the bad guys here. Your OH is. And you are for still allowing it.

Your OH sounds scarily controlling. Good on your parents for showing your child that not every adult who loves him is like that.

Oh OP this sounds like such a claustrophobic situation. There is an issue with your lack of trust now and I don't blame you for that however - it sounds like they may have been trying to let your child have normal experiences outwith the confines of a tightly restricted home. I would have adored any adult who had done that for me in all honestly and I feel for your children who will now feel they've done something wrong. And I feel for you feeling stuck and not knowing who to actually trust.

I wonder how many people like me unfollow these threads. I just can't bare to read about this abusive situation that you are doing absolutely nothing about. OP when your children are grown they will walk away from this abusive house and you'll hardly see them. Or they will turn into him.

Which mental illness exactly do you think might account not only for this ridiculous demand to control the whole family's diet but also for the abuse the OP details in posts elsewhere on MN?
What are the guaranteed effective treatments?

The OP is not his MH support worker & it really doesn't matter why he's acting like this. Sometimes mental ill-health means that people break things. Being mentally ill doesn't mean that one never has to deal with the consequences of one's shitty behaviour. Also, people who were shitty to begin with can develop mental illness, treatment won't make them nicer, just less ill.

I have no idea of this OP's posting history. I don't need to read her previous threads to see what is so blatantly clear to everyone on this thread bar you - her partner is controlling and she needs to get out for the sake of her sons and herself. Even after the OP had given lots of background (on this thread) you still were bleating on about chocolate. If you cared you would have read all of OP's posts before posting your own.

Pack up now, tonight, and go and live with your mum.
He can get a solicitor to sort contact with the kids.

Your mum giving a kid chocolate is not a problem. What you and your husband are doing to your kids is a huge problem. It’s abuse. It’s controlling. And it’s insane. Your mum told your kid to lie because she was trying to give him some sort of normal life without his dad kicking off and abusing him further.

Your mum is not the problem. Leave your husband. Take the kids and leave.

OMG @Whiteoleander2 it was you who started the baby activity table thread.
I'm so sorry your partner (or is he your husband) has demonstrated yet another way of controlling you.
Previous thread:

LINK

I'm not a stalker looking at op's other posts. I have no idea how to look up other people's posts. I'm going off what she has said here! Jeepers!

Fucking hell, your husband is absolutely nuts OP. Your parents must be so worried about you and your children.

You need to get away from this dangerous man asap. Do NOT burn bridges with your mum, you’re going to need her. I would pack myself and my DC’s things when he’s next out and be gone. Or report him to women’s aid/ the police/ GP, he needs a psychiatric assessment, he’s not mentally well.

Please leave this vile man ASAP. Fuck Christmas, who cares, just go. OR, do the MN get your ducks in a row for the next few weeks and leave/ tell him you want a divorce in the new year. Tell your mum you’ll have to play along with him for the next few weeks so she can’t come for Christmas, but that you’ll be leaving him in Jan.

That poster was references how the OP's partner calls her those names.

Some people think the earth is flat.

Yabvvvvu. Stopping a grandparents giving chocolate to a grandchild. The only parent I know who did that growing up, the child now grown up has a severe eating disorder and struggles mentally.

A 9 year old child should not be

Oh wow, I just read the the other thread. OP you need to seek support to extricate yourself and your children. You may need to seek this from your mum as the chances are she's well aware of what is going on in your house.

I am vastly amused by the way that infomring yourself better translates to "stalker" in your head. Presumably it's your preference for ignorance that led you to try to deflect from the MH parts of my post.

Unfortunately there is not always a way out. The statistics of women in killed by partners or ex partners in domestic violence situations bear that out.

You don't need to be a "stalker". You could click on the links that more than one pps have kindly posted.

Let him do that then and at least allow your eldest to be free. I dont want to be harsh to someone clearly being abused OP but if you do not prioritise your children there is a real risk, when this is exposed, that they will be removed from you. You need to leave your husband

Me too.

No they won't be removed from her over this. There are children in much worse situations than this who stay with their parents. Please stop trying to frighten the OP and tell her she's going to lose her kids

No there is no such risk. Fuck sake.