AIBU Christmas cancelled - family fall out

[Whiteoleander2]

Background - we changed our lifestyle and DSs last year, there's specific foods now our DS are not allowed especially not regular and not without permission from us first. Last year just before Christmas we found out my mum and my grandad had been giving DS specific foods he was not allowed and also telling him not to tell us and lie. OH banned them from Christmas day, they visited Christmas eve eve instead to do gifts and they flew to Spain for Christmas and new year. It took quite some time afterwards to build up the trust, they swore it wouldn't happen again. Well we was all planned and ready for Christmas. Mum was going to cook at mine and host grandad too. Well OH had suspected for some time that my mum or grandad had been feeding DS things he's not allowed. DS kept denying it when asked but OH said he can tell when DS is lying. I even asked my mum multiple times to her face and she kept telling me she hadn't given him anything. I've been backing my mum and grandad to my OH insisting they haven't and it's now come out they have been doing it for the past 3/4 months and again telling DS not to tell us and keep it a secret. I'm obviously upset/disappointed and OH is even more annoyed. I've had to cancel Christmas dinner at mine with them but feel really sad, not about my grandad as we aren't close and he recently shouted at me over a meal out because he doesn't agree with said food choices for our DS which are nothing to do with him and I find it extremely rude he started shouting at me in the middle of a restaurant but I feel sad about my mum. OH thinks I should just let them give presents at the door and not even let them in the house and he doesn't want DS to see my mum for a year (our son was doing a lot better previously not seeing my mum/grandad) his focus, behavior, attitude all changed and improved but he does enjoy seeing them both. I obviously don't trust my mum alone with my DS anymore. They'd recently booked to take DS abroad next year which I've had to tell DS he won't be going now. In part it is DS fault too, he's 9 and knows he shouldn't be eating those foods nor lying to us.
AIBU to have cancelled Christmas with them?
WWYD in this situation?
How do I move forward with my mum or do I not?

When a post has literally hundreds of replies, does it just not occur to people to read the bloody thread for context as clearly something else is going on!

Some.people are carnivores or keto eaters.

Your mum is not the problem. This is coercive behaviour from your oh. Your body your choices. Im all for moderation and healthy diets but this is extreme.

This! ^ The thread is at 32 pages – bit of a sign that it's moved on from how it started.

There are still failure to protect laws.

You are failing to protect your child from your husband's abusive behaviour, and you are being coerced into taking part.

With kindness and experience - Give your head a wobble and get out now, before your son loses the ability to ever forgive you as an adult.

You're raising a future binge eater.

Anyone who thinks a 9 year old should be following a keto or caveman diet needs their head examined.

Some families are carnivores or keto eaters.

Your son won't forgive you for staying with your OH. Leave.

He sounds like an abusive unhinged control freak. I hope you focus everything you can muster on an escape plan and DO IT!! Preferably as soon as possible. I hope you get 100% custody.

Yep. And some of those children’s mums are also called retards, cunts, enemy of their dad etc, etc. In that instance, I’d hope the child would have confidantes outside the home unit.

I don't disagree

I'm not sure that the mother should have custody with her odd ideas either.

Why, because they dont follow the 'experts'. One size dosent fit all.

OP you are directing your anger at your mum rather than your OH.

If you suspect shes lying about food, and your child is, why not just accept it if its going to mean you have an easier life with your OH?

Why have you been pushing it and trying to get to the bottom of something, that, ultimately will cause you more grief with your OH?

He sounds incredibly difficult to live with.

Its a blessing your mum has so much contact with your child to protect him, try your hardest to keep it this way

Op your posts are walking red flags, your son developing diabetes is the least of your worries. I can see this strict lifestyle leading to an eating disorder.

My dad was controlling . As an adult I HATE my mum for keeping us in that house with him. I HATE her with all my might. She knew it was wrong, knew it was hurting us but did not take us to safety. Years of therapy I’m good but I can never love her like I wish I could. One day your children will grow up and see things for how they really are. There is always a way out. I share this with genuine care for you and your children and your relationship with them .

"we changed our lifestyle and DSs last year, there's specific foods now our DS are not allowed especially not regular and not without permission from us first"

It's not food theyre allergic to, OP's husband became a controlling health freak and decided his sons should not eat unhealthy treats anymore

Sometimes MN is so fucking sad. Your poor woman. Get some help - for your children's sakes, too.

I think it’s generally held by most experts and non experts that calling a child’s mother a cunt etc, etc is not going to be good for a child’s wellbeing.

I think it's clear to everyone here that you have a husband problem, not a mum or chocolate problem. Hope it's clear to you too OP.

op your mother isn’t betraying your trust and she owes your OH no trust. Your mother knows what going on in your house and is trying to provide your child with the same treats as everyone else and I honestly think it’s good he can trust his granny with a secret because as he grows he’s going to need to have someone he can trust to be open with in this batshit crazy scenario. Your problem isn’t your mother it’s your partner and you. Perhaps you need to be honest with your mother as to how controlling he is to the level of what you and your kids get to eat. Trust your mother to help you away from this man. Your anger is directed at the wrong people here.

When your mother enables your father to abuse you, she's just as guilty. You see children who were murdered their parents in court, the courts often put both in prison because one parent did nothing to stop it.

Yep! Really wish there was a “you didn’t bother rtft did you now?…”

I wouldn't put it past OPs husband for him to have established this silly no chocolate rule with her