AIBU Christmas cancelled - family fall out

[Whiteoleander2]

Background - we changed our lifestyle and DSs last year, there's specific foods now our DS are not allowed especially not regular and not without permission from us first. Last year just before Christmas we found out my mum and my grandad had been giving DS specific foods he was not allowed and also telling him not to tell us and lie. OH banned them from Christmas day, they visited Christmas eve eve instead to do gifts and they flew to Spain for Christmas and new year. It took quite some time afterwards to build up the trust, they swore it wouldn't happen again. Well we was all planned and ready for Christmas. Mum was going to cook at mine and host grandad too. Well OH had suspected for some time that my mum or grandad had been feeding DS things he's not allowed. DS kept denying it when asked but OH said he can tell when DS is lying. I even asked my mum multiple times to her face and she kept telling me she hadn't given him anything. I've been backing my mum and grandad to my OH insisting they haven't and it's now come out they have been doing it for the past 3/4 months and again telling DS not to tell us and keep it a secret. I'm obviously upset/disappointed and OH is even more annoyed. I've had to cancel Christmas dinner at mine with them but feel really sad, not about my grandad as we aren't close and he recently shouted at me over a meal out because he doesn't agree with said food choices for our DS which are nothing to do with him and I find it extremely rude he started shouting at me in the middle of a restaurant but I feel sad about my mum. OH thinks I should just let them give presents at the door and not even let them in the house and he doesn't want DS to see my mum for a year (our son was doing a lot better previously not seeing my mum/grandad) his focus, behavior, attitude all changed and improved but he does enjoy seeing them both. I obviously don't trust my mum alone with my DS anymore. They'd recently booked to take DS abroad next year which I've had to tell DS he won't be going now. In part it is DS fault too, he's 9 and knows he shouldn't be eating those foods nor lying to us.
AIBU to have cancelled Christmas with them?
WWYD in this situation?
How do I move forward with my mum or do I not?

Your husband is a tyrant and a prick.

Ok, so he can't actually do this. I've been told by a solicitor that a court will not remove parental responsibility except for the new extreme SA cases. He can't just take his name off the birth certificate. And what kind of man threatens to?

Of course it matters what the food is! If they have banned fruit and veg or carbs or if it’s crisps and sweets, how can anyone comment without knowing crucial information! It is also relevant to know is the boy getting a balanced diet or is he missing nutrients? How old is the child, too many facts withheld

No you didn't?! You kept posting the same shite about how it's healthy to restrict children's diets in case they grow up fat and ignoring people telling you this thread is about an abusive man, not a diet. You absolutely meant to post on this thread.

You realise this thread has over 700 posts? No information has been witheld. You're quite late to the discussion.

OP, if you wouldn't tolerate your child being relentlessly bullied by another child at school, don't tolerate them being relentlessly bullied by their father at home.

@Whiteoleander2 I know you feel trapped, and the fog of abuse may be muddling your thinking. But please listen to the vast majority of people on this thread. Think about the threats your partner has made. He says he will remove his name from your elder child’s birth certificate? Why would you consider staying with a man who threatens to abandon his son? Not that he could just blithely remove his name from the BC, but the threat itself is horrible. And the Xbox is the least of your concerns. It shouldn’t enter your head, much less be used as a reason you feel trapped.

You and your children are being abused every day. The longer you stay with this man, the greater the damage will be. Please contact Women’s Aid and make concrete plans to end this relationship.

You need to leave this man. For a start this ridiculous push on "clean eating" is going to create a situation where your child may well crave these things and when they become an adult they eat as much as they want of it. I have never met a healthy fit adult who was denied food (even one type) as a child. Your dh is a total control freak this is no life for any of you. The less he sees the lids the better.

Yes, it's almost as if the cult leader has spoken. I hope the OP is still reading. Your Mum would probably come with you to Womens Aid if you ask her. It all reads as if you have given over your own personal autonomy to this man. Like a tinpot guru he now decides everything---who you see, what you eat, right down to what you even think. Try and remember a time when you still made your own choices. I'll bet you felt a lot happier back then. You don't have to be his follower. Cults suck, even if it's only a cult of one insane leader and one deluded follower. Get out, for the sake of yourself and your children

OP, please take note of the vast majority of posters. Your OH is abusive and using his rules to turn you against your own mum. This abuse will escalate once you are completely isolated from your family.

Wonder if op is lobster boys mum?

I am so sorry this is happening to you. Life doesnt have to be this way.

But unless you change something, nothing will change - I hope you can find the strength to look for support - womens aid, your mum, a friend...start by speaking to someone.

...how can anyone comment without knowing crucial information!

@3isthemagicnumber3 you could try actually reading the thread (or even just the OPs updates)

Maybe lobster boy had a brother.

Im sure lobster boys mum was “normal” and at times just as confused by him. I might be misremembering though.

Sounds a little bit controlling, the foods obviously can’t be due to allergies or medical reasons or your child would have gotten ill and no grandparent would last their grandchild get ill on purpose ? Kids are allowed choices too, if this is sweets and chocolate i agree in moderation only but grandparents have always spoilt grandkids with sweet treats . Think we need a bit more background to this story tbh

Oh, OP. Your Dad stopped you seeing your grandma. Your grandad shouted at you. Your mum is giving ds food that will make your life harder and teaching him to lie to you.

You are surrounded by people with bad boundaries and it’s taught you to stay with your extremely abusive controlling partner.

Please seek help from women’s aid. You can do better. You can change this.

Please don’t cut your Mum out of your life. When you feel ready to leave your abusive and controlling husband, you will need her for support.

If you feel able to, please get in touch with womens aid for support and help to leave him. You and your children all deserve better, but most of us know how difficult it is to take that first step.

Your OH decided to go keto and so his pregnant wife and 9 year old (and presumably once eating his baby) have to too?

Your OH wants you to cut your mum out of your life for a whole year because she gave chocolate to a 9 year old who is basically never allowed treats at home? (Chocolate mousse only sweetened with vanilla extract and an occasional sourdough baked good is NOT a treat)

Your OH threatens to remove himself from the birth certificate of HIS CHILD unless you cut out your mum from your lives?

You know what you need to do and it is leave your OH and his awful abusive and controlling hold. He is making you think your mum is the problem or you are the problem - it’s gaslighting. HE IS THE PROBLEM.

You are over reacting and ott

WTAF OP?!?!
Your partner sounds like an absolute bellend, and a toxic controlling twat!
Please!! Do not cut contact with your family, that is exactly what he wants.

If you were my friend, I'd be advising you to leave him, do not look back, contact womens aid or whoever you can reach for help.

Is the child actually even at risk of diabetes or is it just that H declared it...

Why the fucka are you with this twat of a man?
On his terms, tries to cut your family, dictates what the family can and can't eat, sounds like mental and emotional abuse of you and your kids.
If you were my daughter and I was visiting he would have to keep a very close eye on me because I would happily go to prison for murder.

The only people that are “bad” here are the oh, and by pandering to him op.

You sound incredibly controlling about a lifestyle choice YOU have imposed on your DS. I am guessing you've gone vegan or something and your family think you're nuts.

Really concerning. Your son had a varied diet for 8 years then your OH put him on a restricted diet. So presumably before it would have been OK for your mum and grandad to give him chocolate but not now?

Everyone has to eat the same things as your OH and if he's hungry enough he'll eat it? Your son gets no say in what he eats?

Your partner is acting like a dictator. It's clear that what he says goes. I read your other thread and if I'm right he referred to you as a "retard" and a "cunt" recently because of an issue with your baby's activity table yes?

There's reasons why your son is craving chocolate. He was allowed it and I assume other treats for years and then he was cut off.

I think it's astonishing that your mum was treated so badly last year by your partner and has continued to pick your child up from school and take him to activities.