AIBU Christmas cancelled - family fall out

[Whiteoleander2]

Background - we changed our lifestyle and DSs last year, there's specific foods now our DS are not allowed especially not regular and not without permission from us first. Last year just before Christmas we found out my mum and my grandad had been giving DS specific foods he was not allowed and also telling him not to tell us and lie. OH banned them from Christmas day, they visited Christmas eve eve instead to do gifts and they flew to Spain for Christmas and new year. It took quite some time afterwards to build up the trust, they swore it wouldn't happen again. Well we was all planned and ready for Christmas. Mum was going to cook at mine and host grandad too. Well OH had suspected for some time that my mum or grandad had been feeding DS things he's not allowed. DS kept denying it when asked but OH said he can tell when DS is lying. I even asked my mum multiple times to her face and she kept telling me she hadn't given him anything. I've been backing my mum and grandad to my OH insisting they haven't and it's now come out they have been doing it for the past 3/4 months and again telling DS not to tell us and keep it a secret. I'm obviously upset/disappointed and OH is even more annoyed. I've had to cancel Christmas dinner at mine with them but feel really sad, not about my grandad as we aren't close and he recently shouted at me over a meal out because he doesn't agree with said food choices for our DS which are nothing to do with him and I find it extremely rude he started shouting at me in the middle of a restaurant but I feel sad about my mum. OH thinks I should just let them give presents at the door and not even let them in the house and he doesn't want DS to see my mum for a year (our son was doing a lot better previously not seeing my mum/grandad) his focus, behavior, attitude all changed and improved but he does enjoy seeing them both. I obviously don't trust my mum alone with my DS anymore. They'd recently booked to take DS abroad next year which I've had to tell DS he won't be going now. In part it is DS fault too, he's 9 and knows he shouldn't be eating those foods nor lying to us.
AIBU to have cancelled Christmas with them?
WWYD in this situation?
How do I move forward with my mum or do I not?

That's a terrible diet for young children - very high fat and little fruit or vegetables. No wonder your child is overweight. Unless they spend several days a week with grandparents the cause of their weight gain is what you are feeding them at home.

You wont help yourself op or take accountability and responsibility for your a d your children's safety .
You seem more annoyed at your mother ,instead deal with real problem and eliminate it .

Well that has moved a lot from the first post. OP- your OH sounds incredibly controlling and I’m afraid unpleasant - and possibly unhinged. I loathe the description ‘clean eating’ - healthy eating is fine. Also your son is only 9. You should all be encouraging him to learn about making healthy choices - not banning foods as this only makes them more appealing.
please contact Women’s aid and get some help and advice.

Your partner is trying to isolate you from your main source of support. The food issue is just the mechanism he’s using to do it.

God this is so upsetting to read op. You see it as your mum undermining you. I see it as your mum sees what a horrible controlling home her grandson is living in and wants to give him a bit of normality and joy while she’s with him. Have you considered that changes in behaviour are more likely to do with the way he’s being treated by his dad than eating chocolate? Please get your kids away from this man. And please understand that when you put such ridiculous restrictions on children, they will rebel every chance they can. This will not lead to a healthy attitude towards food when he grows up, but the opposite. I had similar (but less extreme) restrictions growing up and let me tell you, as soon as I was given lunch money for school I was saving it and buying all the things I wasn’t allowed and bingeing in secret. I also had my share of family fallouts as a kid and it was really traumatic. Don’t do that to your kids for the ridiculous reason of giving them some flipping chocolate and normality!

I think you and your OH need to accept some responsibility here- your mum is the typical entitled grandma who thinks rules don’t apply to her, and your son is 9 and you can’t expect him to say no to something he really wants and that is (in his eyes) harmless. It was your responsibility from the first time not to allow your mum unsupervised access to him if she isn’t following the rules you have in place.
However, your seemingly abusive OH has dictated this diet change for the entire family and as much as too much chocolate is bad, a carnivore/ ketogenic diet for a child of 9 (and anybody actually imo) is very unhealthy and not balanced. You not leaving your OH is potentially damaging your child. It’s down to you to protect both of your children and yourself, and leave this awful human.

Calm down love I posted on the wrong thread by accident. Ill get it deleted.

Your threads are clearly a cry for help and I can see you can't see a way out.

But let me tell you, my mum couldn't see a way out from a controlling and abusive man. She died at 83, still being controlled, still not being allowed to see her family, still unhappy.

I nearly had my life ruined because of it. Somewhere, somehow I have found the strength not to let my horrible childhood ruin me but it was a close thing.

Unless YOU do something to stop this it will never end. Its not your fault you are in this situation but it is your responsibility to get out of it.

Did you? Really? Doubtful given the rest of your diatribes supporting op and her part in the abuse of her child.

He sounds fucking mental and I would not permit my children to be around this. Do something.

A million percent this. Get out now, OP. You’ll look back in a few years and will realise.

Sorry you married a cunt OP. I hope you figure it out.

Get out op. Contact womens aid and make a plan

I am so sorry you are trapped, it must be so dreadful and soul destroying. Please take courage and take your precious children to a place of safety. Your DM was trying, unsuccessfully, to help. Give your DC the best present they can ever have: Freedom from abuse. Use your own courage and determination to create a better life for all of your family.

You sound very controlling and not very nice. If I was your mum I would pop the presents round then fly off to Spain and have a lovely time. It’s Christmas for goodness sake!

100 percent this.

This man is abusive and controlling, you need to leave him. Do not cut your family out of your life, he is deliberately trying to isolate you and leave you with no support network.
You will need your family and so will your sons.

Of course your mum giving your son chocolate is okay. Banning her and cancelling Christmas over it is batshit. But that is not the real concern in your post for me. Contact Women's Aid, you will never regret leaving this man. Run

Do an advanced search and read the OP’s other threads. She and her children are being abused.

It probably doesn’t matter what the poor lad eats. He will have bigger problems if he makes it to adulthood than his physical health.

Give yourself, your children and your family a Christmas present and get rid of this awful, awful, stupid, cruel, Billy Big Bollocks man.

Don't subjugate yourself to someone who is lower than a worm.

He's a silly twat who I imagine no-one ever has ever taken any notice of , except you and that's why he lords it over you. He would be something if he could but as he can't he'll be a tyrant at home.

You need to leave. This situation is already seriously abusive. It will get worse. Your children are being abused. Protect them. You are already brainwashed by him. Wake up and do something BEFORE Christmas

I was going to say that rarely do strict rules around food play well from a behavioural and family perspective. But instead I plead with you to find your way out from this. It will hurt like hell for six months but honestly, you’ll be liberated from his control

Yes, I’m struggling with this cutting off of contact with her mother.
I’m wondering now if the words she has used here on this matter are directly repeating, or parroting, things her OH has laid down for her as a fiat.

She is convincing herself with this issue that she has no other option available to her now, ergo she must stay with this man. Is this the husband speaking, through her?

Be living like lobster boys family.

on that note. Mother in law of lobster boy. I hope your daughter and grandchildren are well.

There's absolutely nothing wrong with potatoes as part of a balanced diet. They are actually very good for you. Your OP clearly knows zero about nutrition. The only people I have known personally to follow a diet similar to this is people who do strong man types of training - and then only for a certain period of time

It's not sustainable long term - and no 9 year old child should be eating a diet like this

What concerns me most about this is that either your OH took advice about his own diet and then imposed it on you and your child. Or he's picked up some random diet off the Internet and decided you should follow it

Go Google should a child be eating a carnivore diet. The answer is no. Kids should be eating fruit and veg. Not just berries because it's allowed on this kind of diet. I'm really stunned that you think this is ok for a 9 year old kid to be eating - it's not.

They should be eating bread and potatoes - its completely normal. They should also be allowed a treat now and then - chips, pizza, Chinese meal - not some clean eating brownie that your partner approves of

He knows fuck all about nutrition - that's very clear.

I suspect that when your husband or partner imposed this on your child he knew that there would be some kind of pushback from your kid and this kind of scenario would happen

I also think - why should everyone in a family have to sit and eat the same foods? It's completely normal for one person to like something that someone else doesn't. My mum loves celery. I hate it - even the smell of it makes me want to be sick

Your child isn't a mini version of you and your husband - he's got his own likes and his own tastes. The fact that your partner thinks it's ok for a 9 year old kid to have potatoes once a year is completely weird.

What would happen if you said I'm not following this diet anymore? Abuse?

Please phone or arrange to meet your mum - and tell her what's going on. All of it. The abuse. The name calling. Abusers get away with it because they beat people down so much with their cruelty and they think this kind of life is normal - they also thrive on the fact that they think no one will ever find out what they are doing. Tell your mum how bad he is - that's the first step.

I remember my mum telling me that my stepfather used to call her mental. He would abuse her and hit her and say she was mentally ill. Your partner already name calling you by text on your other posts.

You also have a baby who is going to grow up in this toxic mess if you don't leave him or get him to go