AIBU Christmas cancelled - family fall out

[Whiteoleander2]

Background - we changed our lifestyle and DSs last year, there's specific foods now our DS are not allowed especially not regular and not without permission from us first. Last year just before Christmas we found out my mum and my grandad had been giving DS specific foods he was not allowed and also telling him not to tell us and lie. OH banned them from Christmas day, they visited Christmas eve eve instead to do gifts and they flew to Spain for Christmas and new year. It took quite some time afterwards to build up the trust, they swore it wouldn't happen again. Well we was all planned and ready for Christmas. Mum was going to cook at mine and host grandad too. Well OH had suspected for some time that my mum or grandad had been feeding DS things he's not allowed. DS kept denying it when asked but OH said he can tell when DS is lying. I even asked my mum multiple times to her face and she kept telling me she hadn't given him anything. I've been backing my mum and grandad to my OH insisting they haven't and it's now come out they have been doing it for the past 3/4 months and again telling DS not to tell us and keep it a secret. I'm obviously upset/disappointed and OH is even more annoyed. I've had to cancel Christmas dinner at mine with them but feel really sad, not about my grandad as we aren't close and he recently shouted at me over a meal out because he doesn't agree with said food choices for our DS which are nothing to do with him and I find it extremely rude he started shouting at me in the middle of a restaurant but I feel sad about my mum. OH thinks I should just let them give presents at the door and not even let them in the house and he doesn't want DS to see my mum for a year (our son was doing a lot better previously not seeing my mum/grandad) his focus, behavior, attitude all changed and improved but he does enjoy seeing them both. I obviously don't trust my mum alone with my DS anymore. They'd recently booked to take DS abroad next year which I've had to tell DS he won't be going now. In part it is DS fault too, he's 9 and knows he shouldn't be eating those foods nor lying to us.
AIBU to have cancelled Christmas with them?
WWYD in this situation?
How do I move forward with my mum or do I not?

I’m a type one diabetic and from what I hear your other half is too.
hes taken his dieting to the extreme. For good or bad he’s controlling.
hes manipulative.
I don’t stop my child from enjoying sugar just cos I have it.
There are so many factors not just genes.
100 hundred percent he’s controlling and trying to control abuse your son.
and take control of the other one.

Blood hell. "Yes it was OH's choice. I was pregnant at the time so I was expected to follow it for the baby/pregnancy and DS is expected to follow it too."

Coercive control writ large. Listen to yourself, @Whiteoleander2 . You need to get yourself, your little boy and your unborn child out of there.

I agree, it's all of those things that make this so bad, constant undermining and lying, that's not acceptable.

They may not agree with you, but chocolate is not a vital food, it's rubbish. It's the cause of a lot of illnesses in this country. It won't harm your son one bit to restrict it, in fact he'll be healthier.

I don't restrict my kids from eating choc, but they can go days or even weeks without asking me for it, so I don't feel the need to restrict it.

Let him get a solicitor to remove him from the birth certificate. Let him take the Xbox. If you leave he can’t control your mum seeing your children, it’ll be YOUR decision who the children see when they’re with you. Stop letting him control you like this. He’s been gaslighting you for years and now, for the sake of your children you need to wake up and smell the coffee. You KNOW he’s abusive, you’ve said that upthread. For goodness sake give yourself and your children the future they deserve free from abuse.

While they shouldn't be giving him food he's not allowed, and encouraging him to lie about it, I do think you're being unreasonable. You need to touch grass and count your blessings. Your parents won't always be around to celebrate Christmas and stopping them from seeing the kids on Christmas Day seems harsh. How would you feel if you cancelled Christmas this year and one or both of them were (heaven forbid) not around next year?

Life is too short, honestly.

This would be slightly different if it relates to health issues or allergies your kid has. But it sounds like this is purely down to your preferences.

My answer would depend on why he's not allowed these foods
Is it because of allergies
Dietary calories concerns
Or
Because you've gone vegetarian??

It is also blindingly obvious from OP's posts on this thread alone. I haven't seen the others.

Oh, Lord - this.

I worked in secondary and used to take in an advent calendar for each of my classes. The kids loved getting their turn of a wee treat. Yes, I did take account of allergies and also religious exclusions as applicable - but to deny a bairn a treat for no good reason?

This kid is currently eating a diet comprising of meat eggs and dairy because his father has forced him to. He forced the mother to eat the same when she was pregnant. He's abusive to her as she's said on other threads. This isn't just about chocolate

This post is terrifying. I have no doubt this man will get worse and worse and he will destroy you and your DC. The only person who can do anything to change that is you OP, you know he is abusive.

If I was a member of your family I would be reporting you to social services.

Because the husband is forcing the family to follow a restrictive carnivore diet

I've read your other posts. Your OH sounds terrifying. I would suggest your mum tells your son to lie so that he and you don't get ripped to shreds by your abusive partner. Your partner controls what you all eat, who you and the children see, decisions about things like vaccinations. And his behaviour and language to you is vile, as in the activity table post.

I suspect your mum knows what your partner is like and is trying to give your child an example of normality.

I bet if you showed your mum your posts, and asked her to help, she would help you leave.

Adults can't control what their children eat? What kind of parenting is that?

It's ENTIRELY a parents job to control what their kids eat. Adults do the food shop and fhe cooking, so while they can cater to their kids preferences and provide occasional treats, it's completely up to them to.be in control of their children's diets. People with ridiculous views like yours are the reason we have so much childhood obesity in the UK.

Once kids are old enough to make sensible/healthy choices about what they want to eat, great. Up to that point most would eat sweets half the time unless a parent said no.

If you don't think parents should control what their kids eat, respectfully, you probably shouldn't have kids.

I don't think a 9 year old child should be on a restricted diet of eggs meat and dairy - or a pregnant woman for that matter

Why do you believe his bullshit?
What is your financial situation? Do you work? Married? Rent or mortgage?

Honestly can’t believe the number of posters bleating the “your kidz your rulez” shit.
seriously hoping they’ve been too lazy to rftf as opposed to agreeing with op and her oh with their abuse and neglect of this child.
@Whiteoleander2 don’t you think it’s odd he is happy to wipe his name of the eldest birth certificate and throw him out of the home but not the youngest?!
and you’re staying with him?!! wtf, you’re worse than him!!

OP please listen to all here every single person is saying the same thing (not ever one including your mum is wrong). You have to listen if you want your son to grow up into a “normal “ human being. The problem is NOT your mum or chocolates. The problem is your controlling husband. Please contact Womans Aid for help Why do you feel that all these women and your mum are wrong about your husband ? Is he mind controlling you also ?

He's just using this as an excuse to isolate you from your mum.

Amazing how many people think chocolate is food. It really isn't. It has zero nutritional value, is addictive and only causes detriment to the teeth, and body generally. It primes kids to want a high sugar intake, which in later life usually ends up getting satisfied by booze. Interestingly my nine year old was raised sugar free, we didn't ban it, we just don't buy it. Whenever he's tried some chocolate or sweets at a party, he's literally pulled a grossed out face, like someone trying their first cigarette. It's crazy that many side with the grandparents. Our society is obese, sugar is addictive, the kids are young and it's a strong formative impression to link it to "treats" from grandparents. Parent how you will, but in principle, I'm with the OP all day long.

OP can you speak to your baby’s HV about the concerns everyone has here?

It doesn't matter! None of this matters. The thread is not about chocolate.

This thread is 23 pages long. How about you read all the OP’s posts at least.

We're on page 23 and you're asking these questions?🤔

RTFT ffs

Am assuming @FigTreeInEurope means they’re a narcissistic child abuser too then? Being “with the op”?

So perhaps this is less about an extreme reaction to the chocolate and made about wanting to isolate her and the kid from family, while using any reason possible? In an abusive relationship, maintaining close family ties is even more important.