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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be appalled by some women’s behaviour?

324 replies

GrumpyOldWoman2 · 14/12/2025 01:58

DH has just come back from a work do at his new job (2 months in) and told me that his female colleague was drunkenly trying to get him alone, trying to hug him and offering to buy him drinks all night. We had a baby 5 weeks ago and she knows this!! He’s extremely loyal and kind (struggles to stand up for himself which bugs me sometimes but…) and kept trying to reject her advances to no avail, he ended up leaving early as she made him so uncomfortable. He came home sober.

Just disappointed for him as it was meant to be a nice break from the newborn trenches! Why are people like this? Trying to get on a married man is bad enough but doing it when you know they’ve JUST had a baby is abhorrent! He’s also dreading going back to work on Tuesday and seeing her. Grim behaviour.

OP posts:
Sixtygoingonthirty · 14/12/2025 09:10

Floorclean · 14/12/2025 08:37

Well it would if he’d gone out for work do, returned sober to wife and new born awake and crying, and flopped asleep.

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Jeez, let’s just find something, anything that we can blame the husband for …..even if it’s not relevant to the post, after all, they’re all bastards aren’t they? 🤦‍♀️ OP LTB, he’s obviously a cry baby/looking for attention/no backbone/oblivious to his female colleague’s potential mental health issues as well as a crap new dad (please note strong sarcasm here! ). The double standards are shocking, though unfortunately not surprising. There’s even mention that she should take note that he could be sending sublime messages that he’s needing intimacy resuming!!

I’m also assuming DH got home some time ago, shared his story of how his night went, they had a chat, baby has now woken, OP is with comforting newborn but whilst awake with colicky baby has decided to vent here. It didn’t mean he’s literally just walked through the bloody door and she reached straight for her phone!

MorningActivity · 14/12/2025 09:11

Medexpert · 14/12/2025 09:07

why the hell would the DH come back home and give the OP information she can do nothing with?
If we consider this from the perspective that men and women are intrinsically not that different, we can conclude that it is a natural response after an upsetting event to want to talk about such event with the person most trusted.

For the same reason most posters come here for, not all responses are needing to be a solution. Most often, it is to seek validation and empathy. The fact that he chose to speak to OP about it shows that he is fully comfortable to do so, and hopefully means that he is there to listen to OP when she experiences an unsettling situation.

And if it had been a woman, not a man, being harassed,
1- no one would have asked why she talked about it to her DP
2- if anything, theyd ask why she had kept that a secret

Pilling on the OP seem to be the new game on MN, even if it means coming up with really stupid argument. It’s not a good look

MorningActivity · 14/12/2025 09:13

PollyBell · 14/12/2025 09:09

So if a woman came home and said she was sexually assaulted she would or may be lying so you need corroboration to beleive her?

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oh no that’s different.

Didnt you know that only men can sexually harassed someone?
And only men behave badly?

But never, ever women. Come on!

MorningActivity · 14/12/2025 09:13

PollyBell · 14/12/2025 09:09

So if a woman came home and said she was sexually assaulted she would or may be lying so you need corroboration to beleive her?

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oh no that’s different.

Didnt you know that only men can sexually harassed someone?
And only men behave badly?

But never, ever women. Come on!

motherofdragons11 · 14/12/2025 09:16

Kleptronic · 14/12/2025 02:10

You can't be that old then, or your moniker belies you.

I am actually old, well past the baby birthing years, and I have seen good people behave badly under the influence of alcohol at this festive time of year. Round here we call them tinsel drinkers.

You don't need to deem anyone's behaviour grim unless you have no glass houses. As your husband was teetotal and of a confessional bent you don't have anything to worry about, so put the stones down.

Bloody hell, the woman was trying to get off with OP's HUSBAND! She's every right to judge her behaviour.

Original poster
GrumpyOldWoman2 · 14/12/2025 09:17

MorningActivity · 14/12/2025 09:11

And if it had been a woman, not a man, being harassed,
1- no one would have asked why she talked about it to her DP
2- if anything, theyd ask why she had kept that a secret

Pilling on the OP seem to be the new game on MN, even if it means coming up with really stupid argument. It’s not a good look

Show quote history

Yes, it was more of a little vent and something to do while awake with DS - I’m not threatened at all by the woman, moreso shocked at the behaviour and embarrassed for her. But people seem to be extrapolating information from nowhere about things that I haven’t even mentioned! Typical MN.

OP posts:
5128gap · 14/12/2025 09:17

You probably need to give your H some pointers for dealing with unwanted attention OP. I'm sure as a woman you know plenty, and if you don't, a lot of us could chip in from our experience of dealing with inappropriate men.
I'll start. Useful phrases:
"I'm not interested"
"Don't buy me a drink I don't want it and won't drink it"
"Please do not touch me"
"Touch me again and I'll have no choice but to consider it harassment"
"I'm married. But even if I were single, I'm not attracted to you, so you're wasting your time and making me feel uncomfortable"

Allisnotlost1 · 14/12/2025 09:17

PollyBell · 14/12/2025 09:04

Drunken work events and hen events, there are badly behaved women and men, it happens

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Of course, I just don’t think the title reflects the post, which is about one woman’s shitty behaviour. Obviously there are other examples.,

TeatimeForTheSoul · 14/12/2025 09:25

I agree with others that having a baby is irrelevant.
However the person’s behaviour was inappropriate too. Just because you’re out with alcohol available doesn’t change the fact you are with work colleagues, who you’ll be working with next week.

MinglyMadly · 14/12/2025 09:26

Kleptronic · 14/12/2025 02:10

You can't be that old then, or your moniker belies you.

I am actually old, well past the baby birthing years, and I have seen good people behave badly under the influence of alcohol at this festive time of year. Round here we call them tinsel drinkers.

You don't need to deem anyone's behaviour grim unless you have no glass houses. As your husband was teetotal and of a confessional bent you don't have anything to worry about, so put the stones down.

The OP makes a good point. It's appalling and nothing wrong with saying so.

Why is it on Mumsnet some posters seem to think you can't voice an opinion on things unless [insert ridiculous conditions] apply.

Happyjoe · 14/12/2025 09:27

Floorclean · 14/12/2025 08:23

He has “just” walked in. I imagined him recounting this to the OP and the OP discretely reaching for her phone and logging
on to mumsnet 🤭

Edited
Show quote history

All I am seeing here is another example of women with little regard for other women, validating the OP's views.

Pearlstillsinging · 14/12/2025 09:30

Wordsmithery · 14/12/2025 02:27

That's all very well but how would you like to be on the receiving end of such behaviour? Imagine being in a new job and dreading going back after a weekend. If the DH were female, we'd all advise them to go to HR.
Nobody should feel like this at a work event, absolutely nobody. End of.

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And DH should consider speaking to HR about this woman's behaviour. Was it observed by a more senior person who could warn her that the behaviour is unacceptable under all circumstances, while keeping the process informal, if that's what DH would prefer?

Differentforgirls · 14/12/2025 09:30

ElatedPinkSeal · 14/12/2025 07:30

The husband sounds like a complete wet wipe

No he doesn’t.

Floorclean · 14/12/2025 09:30

Happyjoe · 14/12/2025 09:27

All I am seeing here is another example of women with little regard for other women, validating the OP's views.

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What are you on about? Talking bout seeing shadows.

A lecherous woman got pissed and behaved inappropriately
husband said nothing but chose to leave early (ish), as would many have women have done in his shoes.
He came back, off loaded to wife and fell asleep
wife remained up, awake and angry about it.

was it inappropriate? Yes.
But whilst he was slumbering, it was the op awake and cross about it

Happyjoe · 14/12/2025 09:32

Floorclean · 14/12/2025 09:30

What are you on about? Talking bout seeing shadows.

A lecherous woman got pissed and behaved inappropriately
husband said nothing but chose to leave early (ish), as would many have women have done in his shoes.
He came back, off loaded to wife and fell asleep
wife remained up, awake and angry about it.

was it inappropriate? Yes.
But whilst he was slumbering, it was the op awake and cross about it

Edited
Show quote history

It was very clear, the judgement and the scorn for the OP posting her woes here on MN. This is the issue, it's quite frankly shit behaviour from some posters.

Please now do not make it out to be something else.

silkypyjamas · 14/12/2025 09:32

Very interesting read from many people trying to hold DH accountable for coming home suspiciously sober and going to sleep taking the focus off the question in the OP. Some good men actually do exist MN!!! I’ve worked in a male dominated environment all my career and kept quiet when being treated similarly by male colleagues in the past and just wanted to forget it and move on the next day… not reporting this behaviour - and forgetting the next day is a convenient and poor defence btw- makes it impossible for things to change whether male or female. Given my time back, would I have reported them every single time? probably not, but back then it definitely would have negatively affected my career but these days thankfully times have changed and this behaviour is culturally less acceptable and challenged. I would urge your DH to make a complaint about her but does anyone think times really changed anything? Training on conduct & behaviours maybe just a tick box exercise for workplaces so sadly I doubt his colleague will even know if there was a complaint against her.

Floorclean · 14/12/2025 09:33

Happyjoe · 14/12/2025 09:32

It was very clear, the judgement and the scorn for the OP posting her woes here on MN. This is the issue, it's quite frankly shit behaviour from some posters.

Please now do not make it out to be something else.

Edited
Show quote history

As I say, seeing shadows

mumuseli · 14/12/2025 09:34

I can see why you're annoyed with her, OP, and I'm not sure why some other posters are looking at other sides to it.
It's really disrespectful to you for this woman to behave like that, and yes I agree that it's especially disappointing that she would be like that when you've just had a baby and are feeling a bit vulnerable at home. Hopefully she is feeling suitably horrified at herself now. She probably likes your DH in some sort of way and the booze magnified that. In an ideal world we would all be able to control ourselves, even when intoxicated - I couldn't control my behaviour very well so that's why I ended up giving up alcohol!

KateShugakIsALegend · 14/12/2025 09:35

Unacceptable behaviour on her part.

I would log with HR - it would not fly at most companies.

AppropriateAdult · 14/12/2025 09:35

daisychain01 · 14/12/2025 07:14

This is exactly the point people seem to be missing.

DH has just come back from a work do at his new job (2 months in) and told me that his female colleague was drunkenly trying to get him alone, trying to hug him and offering to buy him drinks all night

why the hell would the DH come back home and give the OP information she can do nothing with? How clueless is that. All he needed to do was deal with the drunks, get home, and back to the reality of a newborn, fuck sake, why did he need to regale his wife with work shit and get her wound up about it, he clearly has zero in the way of emotional intelligence.

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You can guarantee that if he hadn’t told the OP tonight, and it somehow came out a few weeks or months down the line, half the posters here would be jumping on this as highly suspicious behaviour; there’d be a lot of “If it was all so innocent, why didn’t he just tell you at the time?” Poor bloke can’t win.

Differentforgirls · 14/12/2025 09:36

Floorclean · 14/12/2025 08:23

He has “just” walked in. I imagined him recounting this to the OP and the OP discretely reaching for her phone and logging
on to mumsnet 🤭

Edited
Show quote history

Is that what you would do?

Differentforgirls · 14/12/2025 09:40

Floorclean · 14/12/2025 08:32

yes but it says a lot about him!

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It says more about you!

Funnywonder · 14/12/2025 09:41

I’m not sure I would expect a drunken person to remember or care that the target of their unwanted advances was a new parent. So, although she was quite clearly out of order, she’s no worse for not taking this into consideration. She’s a silly, drunken fool and deserves to be the one seriously worried about going into work, not your husband. He hasn’t done anything wrong. He should tell her that her behaviour made him extremely uncomfortable and that he felt he had no option but to leave. She should be made to feel embarrassed at the very least, but in an ideal world, he should report her behaviour to HR.

Differentforgirls · 14/12/2025 09:42

Owly11 · 14/12/2025 08:35

I must be getting cynical in my old age but this sounds like someone covering his tracks. A woman who offered to buy him drinks 'all night'. 🤔 Isn't this something men usually do to women to get them drunk? It's not a typical female behaviour. You have a 5 week old so I am guessing the sexual relationship between the two of you is on the back burner at the moment. And suddenly your dh has a woman at the office who is drunkenly trying to get him on his own all night? I wonder how she was doing that? Sorry but i think you need to listen very carefully to your dh over the next few months and keep an eye on his behaviour.

😱

Anonanonay · 14/12/2025 09:44

Kleptronic · 14/12/2025 02:10

You can't be that old then, or your moniker belies you.

I am actually old, well past the baby birthing years, and I have seen good people behave badly under the influence of alcohol at this festive time of year. Round here we call them tinsel drinkers.

You don't need to deem anyone's behaviour grim unless you have no glass houses. As your husband was teetotal and of a confessional bent you don't have anything to worry about, so put the stones down.

Put your own stones down, dear. OP had a perfectly reasonable reaction to dreadful behaviour from that woman.