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AIBU?

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Original poster

Need a hand hold - never again letting my DD have a party again!

834 replies

MyFairGreenTurtle · 13/12/2025 21:40

Posting in AIBU because I have no idea where else to post this. I think I'm just looking for a hand hold tbh.

My DD is 26, lives at home with us. She asked if she could have a few friends over while we were away for the night last night. She assured me it would be "chill" and that she'd clean up after.

We came back this morning and I genuinely felt sick, I'm shaking even typing this. it turned out to be a full-blown house party. Our neighbours have told us there were people coming and going until 3am, loud music, shouting in the garden.

The damage is what has killed me. There is a large burn mark on the living room carpet (which we got fitted in September) which I think has come from a cigarette. The kitchen worktop is has got a chunk missing out of it and DD has admitted that this was from someone opening a beer bottle on it. One of the dining room chairs is completely broken and there are red wine stains all over the sofa cushions. The bathroom door handle is hanging off and the patio door is completely off its hinges. The hot tub is completely ruined, and this is what has made me so angry. The cover was left off it overnight so it is now full of leaves and empty cans. The control panel is not working anymore and there's a crack in it. The TV we have in the garden is also smashed (apparently it got knocked over when someone fell into it) and someone has also spilled red wine on our bedsheets. There is sick in the hallway and in our room too.

DD says she's really sorry and that this was a result of one of her friends putting something about a house party in the group chat, but apparently DD made no effort to get these people out of our house because she was so drunk.

I feel utterly disrespected and I'm livid that she has behaved like this at the age of 26.

AIBU to ban her from having anyone over and insist she pays for all of the damae?

OP posts:
Punkerplus · 14/12/2025 10:24

zingally · 14/12/2025 10:13

Well, of course she pays for every single repair - it sounds like it'll be in the thousands.
Sometimes the only way you can get through to people this dumb is to hit them where it really hurts - their bank account.

And then, in all seriousness, she starts looking for her own place to live. 26 is too old to still be living with mummy and daddy and paying a nominal rent, all the while having a full time job.

I lived at home at 26 with a full time job and paid minimal rent as I was saving up for a mortgage. I don't think it's unusual, many of my friends were in the same boat.

The thing was I wasn't a disrespectful, entitled, arsehole. The problem seems to be the OP still acting like a teenager and her parents bailing her out for her behaviour.

Megifer · 14/12/2025 10:26

26!!! Jesus we had loads of house parties at my friends house when we were 15-16 as they went away about 4 times a year....booze, weed, probably other stuff but I just stuck to bongs made out of coke bottles 🤣 loads and I mean LOADS of people.

Parents never had a clue, they always thought she was staying at mine or a few of us staying with her. Even though they were wild everyone was respectful of the house and people would always help with a full on coordinated clean up the day after. Last time a few of us saw her parents we owned up and they genuinely had no idea, threatened to tell our parents and grounded her. We were about 36 yesrs old 😂

I cant believe shes 26 thats ridiculous. Gonna be expensive for her to sort!!

FrankieSpencer · 14/12/2025 10:27

I have a feeling we're reading the words of an extremely well-off family, with a 26 year old brat child who has never worked a serious day in her life and sniffs hundreds up her nose every weekend with her trust-fund pals.
OP, at 26 I was living at home with my extremely hard working, middle class parents following a breakup. I never, ever would have contemplated behaving like this, and if I even came close, they would have buried me alive.
This is insane behaviour from a grown woman, and if my initial assumption about your situation is completely off base - if you are a "normal" family with a "normal" income, then she's utterly taking you for a fool.
If you are rung below aristocracy then this is about right.

HisNotHes · 14/12/2025 10:28

Mumtum79 · 14/12/2025 05:04

Accidentally clicked ‘unreasonable’ trying to scroll but you are absolutely NOT being unreasonable!! What terrible behaviour from one adult towards another! And what kind of adult guests are these?! Poor poor you….sending hugs and sympathy xxx

You can change your vote by just clicking on not unreasonable and the tick ✔️ will change places.

Cherrytree86 · 14/12/2025 10:28

Why isn’t she living in a house share with her pals?? She’s TWENTY SIX and earning money. She should be living it up with pals, roughing it a bit but having lots of fun. The nice house and home comforts can come later down the line when she’s older if she wants them.

VickyEadieofThigh · 14/12/2025 10:28

Soonenough · 13/12/2025 23:44

I haven't read through the whole thread but just wondering if anyone else is shamefully wishing they had gone to a party like this 😁

God, no. Sounds hideous and I'd be utterly appalled to see someone's home being trashed like that.

Sharptonguedwoman · 14/12/2025 10:29

MyFairGreenTurtle · 13/12/2025 22:57

I checked this afternoon and some of the damage might be claimable, but things like the carpet burns and sofa stains won't be covered because we haven't got a soft furnishings extension. Also, it looks like most of it will fall to us given the circumstances. They'll say we gave rise to the losses

Show quote history

Cost out all the damages. Put your child on a proper rent and make her pay you for everything damaged. Absolutely everything. Over time possibly.

BlueberryOats · 14/12/2025 10:29

I was quite a partying teen and young person and I moved back home in my 20s, never in a million, zillion years would I have done that. Being able to move back home was a privilege while I got on my feet in adulthood. I honestly can't imagine doing such a thing.

Is she saving for a deposit to move out? Have a look at Shared Ownership as that might be something she can afford.

CatchTheWind1920 · 14/12/2025 10:29

She should be paying and sorting all the damage herself. She can call contractors, she can go shopping, she can pay for it all out of her own money.

herbetta · 14/12/2025 10:29

MyFairGreenTurtle · 13/12/2025 22:52

She has a degree in Business Management

Show quote history

In that case she is perfectly capable of 'managing' a repair/ replacement plan - esp as she works from (your) home. And obviously is fully responsible for paying for it all. It's the only way she will start to learn.

Cherrytree86 · 14/12/2025 10:30

Cherrytree86 · 14/12/2025 10:28

Why isn’t she living in a house share with her pals?? She’s TWENTY SIX and earning money. She should be living it up with pals, roughing it a bit but having lots of fun. The nice house and home comforts can come later down the line when she’s older if she wants them.

@MyFairGreenTurtle

Dollymylove · 14/12/2025 10:30

At 26 these "kidults" should growing up.
Having your home wrecked with a drunken party is teenage territory, not so called sensible working people in their 20s
They probably blame their behaviour on their "mental health" and all the boomers who have spoiled it all for them 😉

Poppolo · 14/12/2025 10:32

u have no idea why you are checking insurances snd getting quotes - that is her job. Forward everything into her.

Go away for the day - she needs to sort it. It’s do very disrespectful. She sorts, pays and you have as big discussion about her future arrangements. I would absolutely charge more to someone who needs to learn value and I say that as someone who doesn’t charge a penny as my son is helpful, useful, generous and sorts all his own food and washing plus is actively saving for his future. He is a lot younger - she has so much growing up to do.

Isittimeformynapyet · 14/12/2025 10:32

@gillefc82 it's not OP's home "by extension", it's OP and her wife's home full stop! It's the daughter's home by extension.

JamesWebbSpaceTelescope · 14/12/2025 10:38

She needs to pay for all the damage - you might have to agree a repayment schedule for her. But you would have to mean it and stick to it. She needs to take responsibility for this.

And she needs to move out. Once she starts to care about her own stuff she will appreciate yours more. I’m a strong believer that people grow up though doing stuff, and by living at home with no responsibilities she is still acting like a teenager, not the adult she is. (I wouldn’t even call 26 a young adult - I had kids and was living in a different country at 26 not acting like an overgrown adolescent).

Munchyseeds2 · 14/12/2025 10:39

I thought you were going to say it was a bunch of teenagers
26???
She would be out of here

KimuraTan · 14/12/2025 10:39

How do you not know what kind of work your daughter does? Has she got a website or business card? Do you never speak to her about her projects? At 26 she’s hardly built up the expertise to be a consultant. She sounds immature and lazy - without any respect or conscience and you have absolutely enabled this demon of a child.

I think you need to take a long, hard look at your weak parenting and try to guide your 26 year old adult child as best as you can so that she can break away from the drugs, irresponsible group of friends and live in the real world.

At 26 I was married with my own home and a baby on the way whilst working full time to afford my part of the mortgage and utilities. I certainly didn’t go around trashing people’s homes and being disrespectful to my parents whilst leeching off them.

IthinkIamAnAlien · 14/12/2025 10:39

VickyEadieofThigh · 14/12/2025 10:28

God, no. Sounds hideous and I'd be utterly appalled to see someone's home being trashed like that.

Show quote history

A 26 year old behaving like a teenager, pathetic. Who on earth are these friends? I think this happened twice when our kids were about 15 and even then, we still came home to neatly stacked beer cans and bottles outside of the front door and an attempt to clear up plus red faced apologetic daughter.
She needs to be in her own place.

Catpiece · 14/12/2025 10:43

I had a house party for my 17th. Place was trashed. At 25? No.

ByQuaintAzureWasp · 14/12/2025 10:47

Start with the cleaning she needs to do then work through the list that she has to pay for ... you need to set an amount she's to give yiy each month, leaving her enough to exist on.

Cherrytree86 · 14/12/2025 10:49

Oh and she won’t be a consultant. Stop being naive, OP

Punkerplus · 14/12/2025 10:50

I think it's sad that it's a reached a point where a 26 year old still needs "parenting" and the OP is still babying her to this extent. Even though I lived at home at 26, it was more like a lodger relationship. I did my own shopping and cleaning and was responsible for my life. It seems the OPs daughter has been allowed to continue to act like a teenager with very little consequence.

Isittimeformynapyet · 14/12/2025 10:51

zingally · 14/12/2025 10:13

Well, of course she pays for every single repair - it sounds like it'll be in the thousands.
Sometimes the only way you can get through to people this dumb is to hit them where it really hurts - their bank account.

And then, in all seriousness, she starts looking for her own place to live. 26 is too old to still be living with mummy and daddy and paying a nominal rent, all the while having a full time job.

Or mummy and mummy.

BabyLikesMsRachel · 14/12/2025 10:51

Oh. My. God. I thought you were going to say she was 18 or 19 maybe. That would still be totally unacceptable and you'd still not be unreasonable to act as you're proposing. However at the age of 26 that is frankly embarrassing. She should be completely embarrassed and ashamed of herself. I bet half of the people who she invited wouldn't have dreamed of behaving as they did in their own/parents' house either!

At 26 I was a mother of one with another on the way. I moved out my DPs house at 18 for uni and never moved back in. I'm only early 30s now btw so it's not one of those 'back in my day' type comments. I would never ever have dreamed of behaving like that. Absolutely disgusting. I feel so sad for you tbh OP. She needs to pay for all the damage and she is not permitted visitors whilst you're out anymore. If she doesn't like it, it's high time that she moves out.

ExpressCheckout · 14/12/2025 10:52

FrankieSpencer · 14/12/2025 10:27

I have a feeling we're reading the words of an extremely well-off family, with a 26 year old brat child who has never worked a serious day in her life and sniffs hundreds up her nose every weekend with her trust-fund pals.
OP, at 26 I was living at home with my extremely hard working, middle class parents following a breakup. I never, ever would have contemplated behaving like this, and if I even came close, they would have buried me alive.
This is insane behaviour from a grown woman, and if my initial assumption about your situation is completely off base - if you are a "normal" family with a "normal" income, then she's utterly taking you for a fool.
If you are rung below aristocracy then this is about right.

Edited

^ This, I was going to say similar.

I'm sorry @MyFairGreenTurtle but she needs to move out. She sounds like an immature, selfish young woman who needs to grow up.