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AIBU?

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Original poster

Need a hand hold - never again letting my DD have a party again!

834 replies

MyFairGreenTurtle · 13/12/2025 21:40

Posting in AIBU because I have no idea where else to post this. I think I'm just looking for a hand hold tbh.

My DD is 26, lives at home with us. She asked if she could have a few friends over while we were away for the night last night. She assured me it would be "chill" and that she'd clean up after.

We came back this morning and I genuinely felt sick, I'm shaking even typing this. it turned out to be a full-blown house party. Our neighbours have told us there were people coming and going until 3am, loud music, shouting in the garden.

The damage is what has killed me. There is a large burn mark on the living room carpet (which we got fitted in September) which I think has come from a cigarette. The kitchen worktop is has got a chunk missing out of it and DD has admitted that this was from someone opening a beer bottle on it. One of the dining room chairs is completely broken and there are red wine stains all over the sofa cushions. The bathroom door handle is hanging off and the patio door is completely off its hinges. The hot tub is completely ruined, and this is what has made me so angry. The cover was left off it overnight so it is now full of leaves and empty cans. The control panel is not working anymore and there's a crack in it. The TV we have in the garden is also smashed (apparently it got knocked over when someone fell into it) and someone has also spilled red wine on our bedsheets. There is sick in the hallway and in our room too.

DD says she's really sorry and that this was a result of one of her friends putting something about a house party in the group chat, but apparently DD made no effort to get these people out of our house because she was so drunk.

I feel utterly disrespected and I'm livid that she has behaved like this at the age of 26.

AIBU to ban her from having anyone over and insist she pays for all of the damae?

OP posts:
ThisLittlePony · 13/12/2025 23:00

MyFairGreenTurtle · 13/12/2025 22:57

I checked this afternoon and some of the damage might be claimable, but things like the carpet burns and sofa stains won't be covered because we haven't got a soft furnishings extension. Also, it looks like most of it will fall to us given the circumstances. They'll say we gave rise to the losses

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how can it be claimable? It’s deliberate, wanton immature little shit damage! Bonkers people nearly in their 30s are this disgraceful

usethedata · 13/12/2025 23:00

therearesigns · 13/12/2025 22:57

£3k? That could be the hot tub all on its own. Or the TV, if it's big enough. Or the carpet. All up, I think it's going to end up being at least £15K. Which she should pay ever last cent of.

Show quote history

Yeah I realise I missed a lot. My point was it's thousands she owes though and the worktop is a drop in the ocean.

fizzyroselemonade · 13/12/2025 23:01

MeouwKing · 13/12/2025 22:59

The 1 per cent saying you are unreasonable must be your DD

One of them was me. I was so bloody outraged by what I’d read, I clicked the wrong button!

Hettiejane · 13/12/2025 23:01

MeouwKing · 13/12/2025 22:59

The 1 per cent saying you are unreasonable must be your DD

She's unreasonable given she has allowed her daughter to be disrespectful to her and her home in the past yet is looking sympathy and a "hand hold" for the most recent incident.
She is a 26 year old adult, doing dodgy work, partying with drugs and not paying rent.
The mother is ridiculous and unreasonable to enable this to happen

kotordreams · 13/12/2025 23:02

Oh please - there’s spoilt then there’s this. You are doing her no favours - at some point she’ll need a real job and will have to grow up.

Fends · 13/12/2025 23:02

Independent consultancy 🤣🤣

She’s a fucking druggie selling scentsy ffs

TheatricalLife · 13/12/2025 23:02

WulyJmpr · 13/12/2025 23:00

Business Management degree and consulting for international clients? Pfft. Nope.

I did snort at that one. I don't think so.

TeatimeForTheSoul · 13/12/2025 23:03

If your DD is doing so well, why does it need to impact on your insurance? Surely she needs to feel the consequences of her actions?
Learning from failure and tough situations is a natural part of life. By age 26, unless there are special circumstances meaning she has difficulty learning, she should have learnt some responsibility.
It’s important not to infantilise kids so they have the chance to learn consequences from their mistakes.

NooNooHead · 13/12/2025 23:03

kotordreams · 13/12/2025 23:02

Oh please - there’s spoilt then there’s this. You are doing her no favours - at some point she’ll need a real job and will have to grow up.

Yes, if this was my daughter, I'd be embarrassed that I had caused her to behave like it, and raised a child to act so badly.

Hometimeithink · 13/12/2025 23:03

Absolutely no way would my adult children treat their parents house with such disrespect! They had parties aged 16,17,18 and we left our 19 year old child on her own for a week. Your daughter must pay for everything that has been damaged…bloody shocking!
My youngest is 25 ,lives with his partner in Clapham and their house is immaculate.

LoserWinner · 13/12/2025 23:04

MyFairGreenTurtle · 13/12/2025 22:49

Oh no, absolutely not!!! She does actual freelance consultancy work, nothing like that! It's very flexible, and I think she also works for a lot of international clients hence why she sometimes logs on during the night. It's just very flexible and ad hoc, and not a conventional 9-5!!!

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‘Logging on at night’ is more likely to be gaming or social media. ‘Freelance consultancy work’ could be TikTok or OnlyFans. Considering she lives in your house, subsidised by you, and uses your utilities, you seem excessively vague about what she does for a living.

Piglet89 · 13/12/2025 23:04

canuckup · 13/12/2025 21:54

Does she live with you??

READ THE ORIGINAL POST.

The reading comprehension on this site is abysmal: my 6 year old could do better.

Glindaa · 13/12/2025 23:05

FOJN · 13/12/2025 22:47

Is anyone else thinking the consulting job is OF?

.

lucyloo25 · 13/12/2025 23:05

Mine are 20's at home but they would never do this, i let them have parties at 17/18 and all was fine, ran the hoover round the next day and picked up some rubbish. I am horrified tbh

UxmalFan · 13/12/2025 23:05

MyFairGreenTurtle · 13/12/2025 22:32

She works as an independent consultant, flexible hours and she's her own boss. That's what she's told me anyway but she works from home full time

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Sorry if I've missed something, but does she pay her share of food and bills? Does she really get an income from being an independent consultant at 26?

Franjipanl8r · 13/12/2025 23:05

She’s going to have to fix and pay for everything and also have to do all the admin work to make sure it’s all sorted. Then she’s going to have to move out.

AutumnLover1989 · 13/12/2025 23:05

She ought to be BLOODY embarrassed. I am shocked that this behaviour has come from people in their mid 20s. I hope she has the means to be paying for all this to be put right?

Nantescalling · 13/12/2025 23:05

MyFairGreenTurtle · 13/12/2025 21:52

She works yes, but she has endless energy for partying and takes very little responsibility for herself

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She sounds like every mother's nightmare. Of course she should pay every penny it takes and I hearing hundreds of pounds.

Just one thing though - if the party was crashed because of te advert, it would have been very difficult to refuse entry or throw anyone out. I've been there and can vouch! These people even drove over a flower bed and lawn .....

As to other parties - absolutely NEVER unless you are there!

Rhfgnd · 13/12/2025 23:06

What's her board costs?

WhistPie · 13/12/2025 23:06

I'd say that it's totally due to shit parenting for 26 years. I'm sure that you can afford to pay for the damage.

AutumnLover1989 · 13/12/2025 23:06

MyFairGreenTurtle · 13/12/2025 21:52

She works yes, but she has endless energy for partying and takes very little responsibility for herself

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About time she grew up then 😡🙄

TreesinthePark · 13/12/2025 23:06

Saturday night and I'm annoyed by a 26 year old teenager I've never met. Probably more annoyed than their own mum. I need to log off!

FenceBooksCycle · 13/12/2025 23:06

Dear god I would expect this of a 19yo (and therefore absolutely forbid them from having more than one friend at a time over when we are away) but a 26yo ought to know better.

Frankly I would be telling her to move out. It's not about the money. Making her pay for it is irrelevant - although it's going to cost you large sums to repair all the damage, it will be of the order of money that you might have just given her when she was ready to move out. Well, it's time for the tough love. She clearly has not yet learned maturity and responsibility yet and it's up to you to teach her. The consequences of having treated you and your home so appallingly is that she can no longer consider it her home. You can't control the social life of a 26yo so she can live elsewhere and will be welcome to visit you as and when it is mutually convenient

Glindaa · 13/12/2025 23:07

LoserWinner · 13/12/2025 23:04

‘Logging on at night’ is more likely to be gaming or social media. ‘Freelance consultancy work’ could be TikTok or OnlyFans. Considering she lives in your house, subsidised by you, and uses your utilities, you seem excessively vague about what she does for a living.

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I agree
OP you’re naive & gullible , sorry
drugs party & her job = OF

somethingischasingme · 13/12/2025 23:07

I would leave my parents house spotlessly clean but it would smell of cigarettes and I would need to replace booze. I didn’t ever break anything and if there was red wine on bed sheets, they would be in the wash the next day! I would never leave my parents house a mess- but I had moved out by 20 so 26 I wasn’t there anyway!!