1 year old exploring front gardens and Xmas decs decd

[FamilyofTrees]

When we've been out walking recently in our fairly small village, my 22 month old has been wandering into front gardens and having a look around. Especially if they have Christmas decorations up, like reindeer or a Santa.

I say to him not to touch and that it's not our stuff, but beyond carrying him away or putting him in his trike (I'm 8 months pregnant so can't carry him if he refuses to walk so we always bring his trike with us, but I give him the option to walk) there's not much I can do to stop him and I'm not particularly inclined to cause a screaming meltdown over a quick little detour that I personally wouldn't be bothered by. He isn't causing any damage.

YABU - You shouldn't let him go into front gardens at all

YANBU - As long as he doesn't break anything or stay too long it's fine

Well that's a weird twist to the thread.

Is this a joke thread??

Totally illogical bollocks.

Taxation is not theft or violation of private property. It is the necessary payment towards the provision of public services.

My twat radar is pinging very loudly here. 🙄

You really are clutching at straws here regarding your ridiculous lack of parenting of your toddler.

There's an etiquette for this. Of course people have to go onto private property to put the post/leaflets through the letterbox and/or make deliveries etc. They go respectfully and carefully (hopefully) up to the door, perform that function and leave again without letting themselves or their children tramp onto the property willy nilly.

In short, you only go onto other people's property as and when it is necessary to do so. Then you leave, not mess around there. You might, of course, have a child with you if delivering leaflets but you keep complete control of them and still abide by these common sense rules.I'm honestly amazed that you need to have this explained!

If all my son and I did was wander up the path, touch the front door and leave, would this also be considered trespassing and bad parenting?

Yes, this is not acceptable even if nothing is being damaged. The reason being you need to teach your son boundaries, one of which is that he cannot just choose to go see what he wants, if it is not available to him. Yes this may result in a show of defiance or meltdown but this is not unusual behaviour for his age. You just manage that tantrum for what it is.

We teach our children boundaries when they are small for their own health, safety and a civil community (hopefully).

OP, for all you know there is an XL bully or similar around which might escape if someone opens the door, or it might come round from the back if there's a passage. And you never know what kind of weirdos live there. I'd keep him on the pavement. Reins are a good suggestion.

I have the same gap between my first two and never felt I couldn't manage my toddler when out and about. Their safety was at stake. You can't control for hazards in other people's gardens, so best to not let your toddler in. Also best for him to learn not to go into gardens for the same reason, so it's well taught when he's older.

You may as well get a handle on this now as it's not going to be easier when you have a baby as well. (Front pack and hand holding toddler worked for me. Otherwise, baby in pram and toddler either in toddler seat or holding the pram side.)

I went into the front garden this morning and found the drain cover, over quite a deep hole has buckled and collapsed in. It's hidden in the grass, so no idea when that happened.
It's not dangerous to an adult, but a toddler could easily slip under it without realising.
On the basis I have no toddlers I have not childproofed it, but made it safe for anyone like a postman until the new cover arrives next week
Your child wouldn't be able to read the sign, and could even be attracted by it ( writing in red).

That's the sort of unknown risk your DC could meet.

Maybe think about taking some parenting classes as it’s not normal to let your toddler trespass on other people’s property.

I'm talking about a very small child, a toddler. No, i would not mind.

So what happens if a toddler gpes into a random property and harms themselves?

There is a difference in a parent trying through best to manage a situation and a parent not caring because they are a parent and whatever they decide is right or wrong everyone else juat has to get on with it

YABU.

You can keep your child out of the road, can’t you…? So keep her/him out of the neighborhood’s flower beds.

I think parenting classes and a good, old-fashioned, kick up the backside would work wonders for you.

I did that a lot actually as my kids loved the lights when they were little (and we live in Scotland so hard to avoid the dark!)

It would never occur to me to let my child into a random garden. Mostly because you have no idea what’s in there - pet mess, angry homeowners, maybe rat poison etc. Just more worry than is needed. Pavements are for random people, gardens are not.

What’s going to happen when you have a baby in your arms and he’s 2 and roaming into traffic or approaching reactive dogs or wanting to play in a fast moving river, but it’s all too hard to set boundaries and keep him safe?

We would assume it's dark,so you can see the Christmas decorations. I used to do this with my dgks while walking the dogs round our village,at school age... Not encrouching on private property though.Darn sure a 22 month old child doesn't realise its Christmas or the significance. We have open plan gardens, not allowed to fence, people let their dogs in on extended leads. Yeah, I pay my taxes, council tax, volunteer for the local council I actually deliver the leaflets,DH picks litter and we cut the grass verge 👍.

I don’t own my property, I rent. I wouldn’t want to have toddlers wandering around the garden simply because they might hurt themselves, and I might somehow end up getting sued by a litigant-mad parent who thinks their child has an unalienable right to wander into every space they can see.

However, this thread was probably a weird redirect from politics/taxation, so I won’t take it too seriously.

If this is genuine I think you're trying to be a gentle parent but have misunderstood. Proper gentle parenting is about setting firm boundaries in a respectful way, so children understand these growing up and learn to do this as adults. 'I can't let you do that as it is not our property/unsafe' calmly and gently. If they have a tantrum, you hold the boundary, stay calm, physically prevent them from harming themself and others if needed and show them compassion. 'I know you want to go there but that isn't our property'.

Of course we are prescious about our property,it's the most expensive thing we will ever purchase,we look after and maintain it carefully.

.....there's not much I can do to stop him and I'm not particularly inclined to cause a screaming meltdown.......

You'd be doing yourself a massive favour if you stopped this pandering shit now, rather than later.

This is one of those posts that I find baffling, tbh. OP, you say there’s not much you can do. He is less than two years old! You hold his hand and don’t let go. That’s literally all you have to do. Yes, sometimes you will have to spend longer looking at things than you want, and sometimes you’ll have to drag him away. But even at 8 months pregnant, you will be stronger than him, and you are still in charge.

He was literally walking on grass or stones. No plants were harmed. In some of them it's literally where people have to step off the pavement to let a double buggy pass or something like that.

Are you going for another walk this afternoon, OP? Could you let us see a photo of a representative garden next to the pavement so that the 94% of us who think you are being unreasonable can revise their opinion and you can have your heart's desire: to call us unreasonable?

It's so tempting, honestly, but a) it's not my house/garden to take a picture of and b) I don't want to identify the location to anyone who knows the village/road.

Anyway, it's not that I don't accept that it is bad and I plan to stop allowing it, but I want to clarify why it was more ambiguous than some people seem to think it is!

There is no ambiguity. Ownership is an absolute. Private property is private and not for non-owners, including children, to walk on. The size, value or other characteristics of the property are irrelevant. If one of the owners were to challenge you on your child being on their property, 'But it's only a tiny garden' would be no defence.

I know MN hates children being compared to dogs but I live on an open plan estate as described by the OP. I do not allow my dog to walk on anyone's garden. It's no different.

As pointed out by PP it's a road on one side and garden on the other side of the pavement. So surely you've got hold of him.