To think people are being bloody lazy

[SourGrapez]

Not trying to be goady (but probably will be 🙄). I keep seeing post after post about how parenting is “relentless” and “breaking people” and I just don’t really get it?

I’ve got 3 kids, all fairly close together (2 under 4 and DS8), work part-time, house isn’t a tip, kids eat actual food and go to bed at a sensible time. No screens during the week, no running round after them like a headless chicken. They sleep. Don’t beg and boss me about. They behave. Life ticks along.

Obviously there are tired days but some of the stuff on here makes it sound like people are barely surviving and I can’t help wondering what’s going wrong? Kids don’t need entertainment 24/7 and they don’t run the house. If you start as you mean to go on it’s… fine?

I don’t drink wine every night, make healthy dinners, don’t co-sleep, don’t negotiate bedtimes or bathtimes. Maybe that’s the difference? Or maybe people just don’t like being told no anymore (including adults).

Not saying I’m perfect, just genuinely confused how basic routines have become some kind of impossible feat 🤷‍♀️

And before the SEN brigade come and tell me how it’s different with their children, we already know and obviously this isn’t about them.

goes to make tea

What is the point of this post? Great for you things are ticking over but people have difficult times parenting for a whole pile of reasons and if you’re not in their particular situation you aren’t going to know what that’s like. Your post reads as seriously lacking in empathy, it’s supposed to be a jolly time of year! If you don’t have anything nice to say you don’t have to say anything you know….

The fact of having my first with someone else is indeed in my post history.

I can’t see it. And do you have an answer to my actual question?

Well said and I totally agree. Don’t get me wrong I wasn’t the perfect parent and I don’t think anyone is and let’s be honest most parents are winging it. Parenting is the one job that doesn’t come with an instruction manual. I had a year between mine (well 53 weeks if you want to be exact) albeit 30 years ago. Yes it was hard going sometimes but as you say routine was the key even as babies and they certainly didn’t run the house. My children weren’t angels (I don’t think anyone’s child is) but they knew their actions had consequences. I’m fortunate that I was able to be a STAM for 10 years and then went back part time around school hours. I’m certain my children benefited from having me at home. Life was also less stressful. I do think part of the problem now is both parents are working often full time and feel guilty so compensate by letting their children rule the roost and children need constant entertainment, they don’t.
Having said that I get that all parents are only doing their best.

@SourGrapez think you might have changed your username in the past.

How much parenting doe your DH do?

I haven't looked at your post history, just read this thread which says you are 22.
So of the 3 children in the mix, one was bereaved very young and one came from an abusive relationship. It sounds an incredibly complicated and difficult situation. There's a lot of trauma in your family so be on the lookout for emotional problems that the children may not be able to express directly.

You were groomed by a much older man and tricked into believing this is the life you wanted. I'm sorry about that.

Once your own children are teenagers, you will realise how deeply wrong that dynamic was. You will see for yourself how naive they are at 16-17 and in absolutely no place to make life-changing decisions or have children of their own.

Most people find kids relentless because they had a taste of freedom and developing their own identity. The travelled the world in their 20s, experienced other cultures, foods, experiences and crazy things. They've had different relationship and partners, different highs, lows and heartbreak. They had time to pursue and education and career, and experience the exhilarating freedom of earning great money to spend entirely on yourself.

If you become a parent in your teens then you will only experience 20% of what the best decade of life has to offer. So of course 3 kids doesn't feel hard if you have nothing better to compare it with.

I don’t see what is wrong with being lazy.

why do more than you have to?

I had twins at 23. Twins are bloody hard work for anyone. I soon got in the habit of working out what was essential - feeding them, nappy changes - and what wasn’t (anything else).

do I care that my house wasn’t clean for a good few months? No. I don’t care at all.

what’s with the valorisation of working yourself into the ground just to iron bloody underpants?

Kids of the lockdown have been bored enough for a lifetime, and parents shouldn't be bored at home just because they are parents.

Remove screens when the kids are at home, they there's enough time to do all the clubs, activities, socialising AND entertaining yourself.

It's time wasted on screen the problem, not being busy.

I think the problem in today's world is over-anxious parents, not busy children either. Parents on here, who are hysterical at the idea of a sleepover until the kids are 17, if that, who are outraged that a 17 yo could be left home alone.

Parents complaining about teachers having normal interaction with their children too.

University lecturers have to deal with parents now! That's what keep kids back.

I don't get how people discussing their struggles are lazy. I would think actual lazy people would either be unbothered and/or enjoying not doing much, so wouldn't be discussing themselves as barely surviving or running around like headless chickens

I have had my hell years of parenting while caring for dying family members and having my own health issues, the years of fighting for appropriate educational placement and dealing with waiting lists, the social fall outs, the battle of balancing work and family life.

Now, I don't describe myself as struggling with parenting at this time. I'm a disabled parent who has four kids, more than one with also has disabilities - so part of that SEN brigade. I don't drink alcohol at all, I coslept with all my kids for the first 7-12 months, I make healthy dinners 1-2 days a week because my DH and teenagers also cook dinners, and bedtimes have been fine for years as my kids like quiet and routines. Today my 16 year old got up before 6am to go work at a local farm and the 18 year old took the 14 year old out to volunteer and then do some shopping (21 year old is working at sea at the moment) so I had a lovely quiet morning. I spent an hour working on a house project before doing some reading.

While I have times I can enjoy a lazy moment, I still wouldn't call myself lazy - I've got nothing on my own parents who were among those parenting when I was growing up who sent us out from about the age of 5 or so until the street lights came back on and heaven forbid you do anything that interrupt what they'd rather be doing than parenting. I'd call that far lazier than any typical parenting today - and even during that, the popularity of 'mother's little helpers' shows a lot of parents - particularly mothers - were going through their own struggles.

Disagree

When you have the kids late enough, you've done plenty and you are ready to take a break and put the kids first for a little while.

It's only relentless when you expect your "me time" and think you are in Downton Abbey and should only see your child 1 hour a day at tea time 😂

Congratulations, go have a cookie 🍪

People with anything in life tend to only say something when things aren't going well, mainly just sounding off to get it off their chest
If you've no sympathy to give or no advice to offer maybe just stick to observing smugly?

After leaving an abusive relationship why did you get married so young and have another child in quick succession and take on a step child?

Would you like your Blue Peter badge posted first class or next day delivery?

You’re stealth boasting in a space that exists for people to vent, ask for help, or admit they’re struggling. The fact you personally find parenting manageable doesn’t invalidate the experiences of those who don’t.

I could list plenty of things I find easy that others don’t. I don’t, because that would make me at best naive and at worst a patronising c u next Tuesday.

Parenting being hard is not some modern trend. Historically, women had very few outlets to say they were struggling with it. Complaints were silenced, minimised or medicalised. Now people talk. That doesn’t mean things have suddenly become unbearable it just means people are allowed to say so out loud.

If you want to share what’s working for you, routines, boundaries, confidence, great. That can genuinely help others. But framing it as “what’s gone wrong with everyone else” isn’t insight, it’s finger wagging.

So yes, UABVU.

SEN brigade? You sound delightful.

My DSis is a wonder woman - handled her first 2 kids with ease, 13 months apart - held down a job alongside & her house was spotless. Sounded very much like your situation, albeit less smug.

3rd kid is a joyful rotter & it's all gone to shit - he doesn't sleep, is a mile a minute etc. none of her tried & tested bedtime routines, discipline etc work for him. No SEN, just a different child.

I, on the other hand, am one of the 'SEN brigade' - my house is an absolute pit & I dread anyone visiting so I'm totally isolated, I've lost my job, sleep is a distant memory & I'm caring for my DM who has advancing dementia. To the outside world I look like someone who can't say 'no' to my non verbal DS with complex needs - in reality my life has fallen apart. I sincerely hope your easy DC learn empathy from someone in their lives.

I'm so sorry to hear that. How devastating. Sending all my love and support x

You only work part time? Oh, that makes sense, then.

Thanks to you, I feel useless about giving me and my son a "lazy" dinner tonight- he had a Happy Meal and I had a lamb burger in the air fryer with rice and veg.😔

OTOH, I have been told by all three of my DC's teachers over various times and occasions/parents' evenings that I am doing brilliantly and my DC are absolutely excellent, that the teachers would love a class full of my children 😎😅

So, maybe me letting them watch YouTube, giving them lazy dinners occasionally, not getting them to bed before 8.30pm, and being too soft with regards to saying no might not be the terrible parenting I think it is. According to you, my children should be feral and terrible.

But apparently they're not. So. Maybe I need to try and be less of a harsh critic of myself, and you might be able to try it too.

I actually have tried my best over the years in spite of things like concussion and getting a movement disorder from an off label antipsychotic, so my children are doing ok...

You work part-time and presumably have a husband?
Anyway, I can’t stand smug folk.

Oh well done for having perfect children and being a perfect mother. I would be even more impressed if you taught your children not everyone is as perfect as them and not to stare and whisper about people less than perfect than they are.

You put my thoughts into words. I don't necessarily think the complainers are being lazy, but I do wonder if they had unrealistic expectations, or are somehow making it harder for themselves than it needs to be. I'm a single mum, worked full time, moved countries and continents, dealt with some pretty heavy-duty family crises, and thoroughly enjoyed parenting.

The OP might not be a ‘lazy parent’, but her OP demonstrates that she has other flaws. So maybe she should concentrate on improving herself, rather than criticising others.

Fair enough but you can't turn back the clock on your body. We've reached the point where we need to pick holiday destinations based on the likelihood of the beds giving DH back pain 😂

👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻🙄

@SourGrapez - They don’t watch any TV in the week?