To think people are being bloody lazy

[SourGrapez]

Not trying to be goady (but probably will be 🙄). I keep seeing post after post about how parenting is “relentless” and “breaking people” and I just don’t really get it?

I’ve got 3 kids, all fairly close together (2 under 4 and DS8), work part-time, house isn’t a tip, kids eat actual food and go to bed at a sensible time. No screens during the week, no running round after them like a headless chicken. They sleep. Don’t beg and boss me about. They behave. Life ticks along.

Obviously there are tired days but some of the stuff on here makes it sound like people are barely surviving and I can’t help wondering what’s going wrong? Kids don’t need entertainment 24/7 and they don’t run the house. If you start as you mean to go on it’s… fine?

I don’t drink wine every night, make healthy dinners, don’t co-sleep, don’t negotiate bedtimes or bathtimes. Maybe that’s the difference? Or maybe people just don’t like being told no anymore (including adults).

Not saying I’m perfect, just genuinely confused how basic routines have become some kind of impossible feat 🤷‍♀️

And before the SEN brigade come and tell me how it’s different with their children, we already know and obviously this isn’t about them.

goes to make tea

It’s nothing do with easy children! It’s how the children are being brought up, with routine and structure!

You must admit this sounds a bit unusual, OP. You got pregnant at 16 or 17 by a widower who had sole care of his bereaved 4 year old son (what was HE doing, dating a just-legal girl and immediately starting another baby with her, when he had such responsibilities already?), went on to have a second child at 18 or 19 and are breezing through the process of bringing up the three of them.
Hard to know what to say really.

Well, ur young and healthy presumably.
So maybe you have more energy then perhaps an older mum like me that has chronic conditions?
Do you also manage several autoimmune conditions?
Are you also a carer for your elderly mum?
Have you suffered a bereavement?

You have zero knowledge about what people actually go through.
Regardless, you should just enjoy your life, no need for arrogance, everyone goes through difficult times.

I’d guess that there are factors that make parenting easier for you than for others. For example, your children’s temperaments make them easier, you have a strong support network, you have flexible jobs, you’re in a good financial position.

We have 6 month old twins and feel like we’re drowning most of the time. DH is out of the house 7am-7pm 4 days per week and 7am-9pm on the 5th day. I’m still on maternity leave but my children’s ages mean they really can’t entertain themselves for more than a couple of minutes without crying. They have separation anxiety if I leave the room for even a minute. One is breastfed, the other on expressed breastmilk and trying to keep the other twin happy while breastfeeding and find time to pump, wash and sterilise bottles and pump parts feels impossible most days. They won’t nap for more than 30 minutes at a time but they have different sleep needs so one is ready to nap after a much shorter wake window than the other, making it very difficult to get them on the same schedule. If they’re in the same room they disturb each other and wake each other up. They go to bed at the same time but one twin wakes once during the night for a feed but then is wide awake and vocalising from 5am, the other wakes up every 2 hours to feed throughout the night but can sleep in until 7am.

They don’t have screen time, we make sure they get outside every day, they have a consistent bedtime routine and we try to use the wake windows for play that will help them to meet their developmental milestones. However, we’re exhausted and our house is a mess. We do a full clean every weekend but struggle to keep on top of it during the week.
I feel like I’m doing my absolute best and don’t have any more to give. Posts like this make me feel shit, that I’m somehow failing and shouldn’t be finding this as difficult as I am. What could I do differently that would make this easier? Where am I going wrong?

Loads of comments about the OP working part time: I work full time. My kids have limited screen time during the week (TV only in evenings), I home cook all dinners bar Friday (something easy after a tennis lesson) and Saturdays (pizza night). My boys are well behaved, polite, work hard in school (one is very academic, one less so). We read a story together every night. They do lots of sports but also have a fair bit of unstructured time. My house is tidy and clean. My full time job is fairly high level.

I’m with the OP that tons of people are just lazy

This must be ragebait surely

That sounds nice. Anyway

Quite.

This.

BS.

No one cares though, that’s the thing. Congratulations?

Oh my God how old were you when he got you pregnant and how long had you been in a relationship before that?! Your husband sounds like he's should be on a bloody register... 😬

I don’t know why people keep making assumptions. If you are bothering to go back in my post history then you would know that I had my eldest DD with a different man, same age as me at the time - he was abusive and we split up a month after birth. So no, he isn’t a weirdo who got a 17 year old pregnant.

You work part time and have kids who sleep.

Those are both major wins. I'd stop running on ego because life has a habit of throwing a curve ball.

But I'm glad it's coming easy to you anyway.

Since when does struggling = laziness?

clearly you’ve never worked in a company where some of the hardest working and successful people are struggling. Ever heard of ‘the learning is in the struggle’. And yes, they can vent too at work. Doesn’t mean they’re lazy!

I know a mum like you. Everytime I see her she brags about something else. Can’t say her son watched tv, caveats it with ‘he’s only allowed to watch tv once a week on this day at this time’. We were out another time and was getting late, I turned to DH and said ‘let’s head home and skip bath, dinner and bed’. She said ‘we never skip bath’. Who cares about that, also my son is SEN so I’d rather skip bath if it means not reaching the over tiredness tipping point. She also loves to tell people she irons her nursery clothes and folds the tops into the bottoms so the staff know what goes with what. She also routinely looks my crumb laden pram up and down, plus me and my DCs whenever she sees us. Would love to say ‘What you looking for love? A medal?’

So what’s the ‘AIBU’?
its a shame Round Robin Christmas cards seem to be a thing of the past, because OP, you have just given a perfect example of how absolutely nauseating they used to be.
anyway many congratulations on being a whiz a parenting. My kids are awesome too, even my one with SEN. In fact they are the best bloody teenagers to ever walk the planet but only when I’m pissed out of my skull, rest of the time I’d like to resign from my parenting post!.

My kid didn’t eat or sleep. She just… didn’t. For years. She was a beautifully behaved , polite, kind, funny child and still is now as a teen. You win some , you lose some.

It looks like I’m just about to get diagnosed with Parkinson’s or that Lewy body dementia at 46. Life can be bloody horrific at times.

I actually hope this whole thing isn’t true, as it is very disturbing.

@SourGrapez what job do you have, how old is DH bearing in mind he is on second marriage?

The timeline here seems slightly suspect.

That isn’t in your post history. Did you never find parenting hard when you had a newborn as a single teen parent that had just left an abusive relationship then?

OP, your title describes people as lazy but the content of your posts is basically just criticising mothers (and let’s face it, you will be talking about mothers) who don’t find parenting their children as easy as you find parenting yours. That’s nothing to do with laziness.

I found the early years hard, my son was really difficult, high needs, regular waker. My daughter was premature and then also had sleep issues. I worked shifts, my DH worked very long hours, we were exhausted. However we got through it, the kids are older and we’re all in a good place. I’m not a better parent now than I was then.

A friend of mine who found the early years easy is now going through a really tough time and her marriage has broken down. She’s coping magnificently but she’s been through the mill. You just never know what life is going to throw at you. Learn to show a little empathy. Your post is really really unpleasant.

If you work full time, then by standard office hours you'd finish work at 5. Even with a short commute, by the time you pick up the kids from after school club and get home it will be approaching 6pm. What time do you have your evening meal that you cook?

SEN brigade🙄

Fuck. Off.

OK so in your house there is a 22yo mum. A how old-dad? Three children, none of whom are full siblings, all single figures ages. Bereavement, abusive pasts, very young parent.

And you think it’s going to be plain sailing because you’re not ‘lazy’.

Oh flower, the tsunami is on the horizon. You just can’t see it from the beach.