To think people are being bloody lazy

[SourGrapez]

Not trying to be goady (but probably will be 🙄). I keep seeing post after post about how parenting is “relentless” and “breaking people” and I just don’t really get it?

I’ve got 3 kids, all fairly close together (2 under 4 and DS8), work part-time, house isn’t a tip, kids eat actual food and go to bed at a sensible time. No screens during the week, no running round after them like a headless chicken. They sleep. Don’t beg and boss me about. They behave. Life ticks along.

Obviously there are tired days but some of the stuff on here makes it sound like people are barely surviving and I can’t help wondering what’s going wrong? Kids don’t need entertainment 24/7 and they don’t run the house. If you start as you mean to go on it’s… fine?

I don’t drink wine every night, make healthy dinners, don’t co-sleep, don’t negotiate bedtimes or bathtimes. Maybe that’s the difference? Or maybe people just don’t like being told no anymore (including adults).

Not saying I’m perfect, just genuinely confused how basic routines have become some kind of impossible feat 🤷‍♀️

And before the SEN brigade come and tell me how it’s different with their children, we already know and obviously this isn’t about them.

goes to make tea

A lot.. LOT.. more time on their hands.

Op I was you until I dropped the balls only in the last few years and not even due to a new baby or anything- all four kids were at the manageable ages- and then I went so far the other way. I managed before and I juggled, all was great and now I run around after myself, am exhausted in work, exhausted and cranky at home, I have lists and lists and the house is horrendous and all the things I had ready for the kids are now remembered as they’re about to happen. The kids are in a similar position because you can only help so much when everything is in a shambles

I think it depends on so many factors, including support network (eg none) and the physical and mental health of the parent(s).

It can also be affected by other stressors such as financial, caring for an elderly parent.

DC have also different personalities and clash in some families. Age of the the DC also a factor and some life stages may prove harder than others.

Everyone’s experience is different OP, it’s helpful to be able to empathise with others, for example referring to a “SEN brigade” - there isn’t an homogeneous group in reality and it comes across quite harsh and judgemental.

It’s great your life is working well and relatively easy stress free with your DC, but comes across as emotionally limited if you can’t appreciate not everyone has the same life experience or put yourself in other people’s shoes at all when they are seeking support from fellow MNetters.

I have a 1 year old and 3 year old, SAHM, they go to bed at the same time every night, mostly without problem, we do have a bit of TV during the week which is usually a cuddle on the sofa with a film, they eat well, the occasional treat, and I do find it very hard. I thought it would be easier to not be a shit parent but I was wrong 🤣

On the other hand I know very good parents who have 4+ kids and it’s like a walk in the park for them even though their kids can be more ‘challenging’ than mine (their words)! We’re all different I guess 🤷‍♀️

ETA - we have 0 family support, but I suppose we chose to start a family knowing that so possibly not relevant

I've got one 18 month old and found all the doom and gloom around parenting odd. I've found it to be the most joyful experience of my life. I work full time and some days it's tiring, but it's fine 🤷

Come back to this when your child is older and if you have more than one. You may not think this way, baby years are often the easiest

For all we know, your kids might just be walking on eggshells to behave and hope they don’t step out of line and watch you lose the plot. Things are rarely how they seem

This reminds me of when people say “Oh, they love their fruit and veg” about their under 2. Most are pretty cooperative and a joy to parent this age ime. My perception of parenting switched almost over night when I had my second - which I timed to coincide with my once delightfully easy child turning into a ‘spirited’ almost two year old…

@SourGrapez there are lazy parents out there, no doubt. However, insinuating that anyone who is struggling is lazy is just nonsense. You must realise people have different lives to you and different life stressors/circumstances. Also, children have different temperaments so it can be very difficult to understand why people are struggling if you are not living their life day in day out. I am definitely someone who likes a routine with my DD and I work, have a clean house, cook etc. however sometimes I still find parenting relentless and feel like I’m reaching my breaking point. You really do need to stop being so judgmental. Also, I definitely had A LOT more energy at 22 than I do in my late 30s!

She has two under 4, at 22 that's piss easy. I loved those years, then at 6, it became apparent that my eldest was severely dyslexic and no-one was listening. My DH got cancer and died after five years of illness. My youngest had glue ear and there was appointments after appointments, ear infections after ear infections. The OP has moved into a fully set up home. As asked we don't know if the eldest does hobbies etc and if there's wider family involved.

School is intense now. If you have two, two years apart then the 'inspire' days, assemblies, performances etc are on different days and in my GC school, they are often. Then there's the head teacher challenges, homework etc. It's completely different, in primary to what my DD's high school wanted, in the early 00's. I'm my DD's childcare and I plan my week out for the school to spring something on us. It doesn't help that we used to live by a good shopping center which the council wanted as bars/restaurants and accommodation, so killed off the shops with the rents/rates. We have no local swimming baths, the public transport is rubbish, our local train station seems to be decorative, this is on Merseyside, not somewhere rural. It's a lovely life when you have no school pressure, good sleepers and parks/water play/toddler groups/soft play will suffice.

I forgot to add in having children who like different things and have clashing personalities. My GC were a joy at 1/3, to 5/7 then came the moaning, whining and full on fight club. I could still throw one of mine out to play in the 90/2000's. You have to split yourself so many ways nowadays.

It’s great your life is working well and relatively easy stress free with your DC, but comes across as emotionally limited if you can’t appreciate not everyone has the same life experience or put yourself in other people’s shoes at all when they are seeking support from fellow MNetters.

That is such a kind, thoughtful and measured response to the OP.

Unfortunately my thoughts veered straight towards - 'total and utter wankery show off' !

I have 3 kids under 6 and 3 dogs. My house is clean and tidy and I don’t struggle much. To the outside world I’m very together.

However.
I work part time.
I have an extremely supportive husband and grandparents who are very involved.

Without that I would have drowned 10 times over. Hats off to anyone working full time and running a house!

In my opinion. Parents who find being a parent is easy are the ones not doing their jobs properly. Just saying. Kids are suppose to be messy, suppose to be full of life, test boundaries, fight, be mischievous, that is a healthy child. They arnt meant to fall into line and be square maybe you should look at your own parenting before judging others.

I found it a breeze with one too! Then my second was born when the first was 19 months, and it got a bit trickier and more exhausting, but still lovely.
Then I had my third and joined the ‘SEN brigade’ that the OP refers to so disparagingly, and it was a whole different ball game.

If it’s true that you already have 2 kids with 2 dads at 22, plus a stepchild, and only work part time, I would suggest that you don’t have your life quite as together as you think. With that set up I promise you the cracks will start to show sooner or later. Good luck.

OP I really don’t like the way you refer to the “SEN brigade”. I can tell you are not a very empathetic person.

Be careful with being so smug, things can change.

Not a sick mum, no, but my dad is quite unwell.

I don’t for a second think everyone whose kids eat rubbish and spend most of their lives on screens has a chronic health condition so I’d say that is a bit of a straw man argument.

I’m honestly not perfect, but we as parents do a pretty good job I think, and both work full time in very demanding roles. It can be done.

Right, so you get a break at work 5 out of 7 days, and your single child is under 2. Get back to us when it starts getting more difficult 🙄

I actually feel a lot of sympathy for the OP. I can’t even imagine being that tied down at the age of 22… looking after a step child, my own child plus a newborn with an older, widowed partner who works 80 hours a week so is rarely there to offer support (even though the eldest child must be struggling with the loss of their mother), and minimal qualifications. At 22 I’d just got home from a year studying abroad where I’d had the time of my life, was knuckling down to my final year at uni and still had 7 years of establishing my career including another 3 year stint living abroad, lots of travel, meeting my now husband, a wedding, a house purchase etc to go before even thinking about children. I can’t imagine living her life.

Two things

1. you work part time, a luxury many of the people you are slating, don’t have
2. come back and say all this when you have three teenagers to cope with

I’m in a similar situation, but that’s because I got incredibly lucky with two easy children, not because I’m any better than anyone else. I look at my neighbour with her high needs son and, instead of being baffled that she isn’t enjoying parenting the way I do, I understand that she’s in a completely different situation to me through no fault of her own.

Couldn't stop grinning reading this. I'm most genuinely happy for you, OP, and I'm going to scroll elsewhere because I don't need to stay on thread to know how this is going to pan out for you.

It is very unchristian of me, I know, but I can't help praying your angels rebel when they are teens and give you a run for your money.

I work full time in a stressful job, have an extremely supportive family and partner, and only have one child and I still find parenting hard! I found it hard enough when DD was a baby/toddler that I’ve decided to only have one child as I don’t think I’d cope well with two. DD is about to turn 4 and things have got so much easier. I feel like I’m finally enjoying parenting the majority of the time rather than just small moments. I also understand that this is subject to change and I’ll face various challenges throughout. I feel very sorry for people with children with disabilities/SEN issues, or with other stuff going on in their lives that makes parenting difficult. It’s different for everyone.
Although I must admit I’m not sure why anyone who struggles parenting one then goes on to have two or even three more kids (looking at you, SIL)