To think people are being bloody lazy

[SourGrapez]

Not trying to be goady (but probably will be 🙄). I keep seeing post after post about how parenting is “relentless” and “breaking people” and I just don’t really get it?

I’ve got 3 kids, all fairly close together (2 under 4 and DS8), work part-time, house isn’t a tip, kids eat actual food and go to bed at a sensible time. No screens during the week, no running round after them like a headless chicken. They sleep. Don’t beg and boss me about. They behave. Life ticks along.

Obviously there are tired days but some of the stuff on here makes it sound like people are barely surviving and I can’t help wondering what’s going wrong? Kids don’t need entertainment 24/7 and they don’t run the house. If you start as you mean to go on it’s… fine?

I don’t drink wine every night, make healthy dinners, don’t co-sleep, don’t negotiate bedtimes or bathtimes. Maybe that’s the difference? Or maybe people just don’t like being told no anymore (including adults).

Not saying I’m perfect, just genuinely confused how basic routines have become some kind of impossible feat 🤷‍♀️

And before the SEN brigade come and tell me how it’s different with their children, we already know and obviously this isn’t about them.

goes to make tea

I found having a baby and toddler hard but teens were fine. You might find the opposite!

How hard you find life depends on the demands of any paid employment you do, how easy going and compliant your children are by nature, how much money you have and how supportive your partner is.
The life of a woman who's partners earnings allow her to work part time, possibly in a lower stressed job, maybe little or no commute, enough money to access the things she needs with relative ease, with children who oblige her by doing as they're told, eating what they're offered and sleeping on demand, cannot compare with a woman working full time in a demanding role, maybe strapped for money with strong willed non compliant children.

Do you know what happens before kids get diagnosed with SEN? Parents get desperate and think they're terrible parents. Do you know what other people think of those parents? That they're terrible parents. Do you know what people think once those parents realise they're the parent of a kid with SEN? They think they're terrible parents.

That's all.

You work part time and your kids are young, give it a few years and you'll likely be embarrassed by this post when you actually know and go on to realise the difference.

I would say it depends on your support network also? I think in your case you have 2 DC under 4 so again they are still quite young!

What happened before you got with the widower? You were a single parent of little ones. Did you have your own place? Struggle with bills? Would you have written this then?

Honestly, OP, have a word with yourself. Even if you're a bot. 😆

I notice a huge difference in my child when they have no screen time at all to when they are glued to it. It’s the internet and devices that make parenting harder in the long run. Yes it keeps them distracted but kids aren’t learning to amuse themselves and use their imagination.

I don’t understand the wine comment to be honest? Or was that just gently judgement?

Did he marry the nanny?

This seems like it was made up as a wind up with the goady title and mention of "The SEN brigade"

Tbh your life doesn't sound like my cup of tea, OP. Sounds a bit regimented for us. We love a good slob and a bit of chaos in our house.

Well if I was 22 then I'd probably have a lot more energy than almost 20 years older. No wonder you have an easier life! Well done you, thank you so much for sharing your "I'm so amazing" post with everyone else who is probably just normal.

So you think someone who shares their struggles on here and who looks for support is a "wuss"? And you call others calling out the OP's smugness belittling? You sound just so charming!

I agree. I wonder what people expect when you bring a child into the world.

There is so much negativity and a lot of making mountains out of molehills. Toddlers being tantrumy shouldn’t be a shock yet it seems to be.

If you greet the world with negativity you will be met with negativity.

Didn’t imply that at all. Now who is making assumptions. Clearly you want to pit mum’s against each other in this response, as well as your OP. All mums are saints if you ask me, don’t know why any mum would sit on her high horse judging other mums. I have once thought one mum let her 3 year old rule the roost as she said he hadn’t eaten a meal for a year, refused and only ate snacks, was waking up at 4am, she was contestant buying him ice cream and sweets, but I didn’t think ‘I’m so great’ while I was thinking ‘that’s a bit out of hand’. There’s a huge difference.

Why isnt it ok to say that raising kids has been totally do able? And why isnt it ok to say that maybe some parents could so better? I think its no bad thing to be able to reflect on whether we are happy with how things are or maybe x needs more attention. People are so defensive

yes all my kids are disabled. Yes I get things wrong and yes id like to be told that with kindness

I am glad my teens are easier than yours then. Parents around me all agree, teen and students years are so much easier than the early years. The hard times was lack of sleep and need for constant supervision and entertainment.

Once they are teenagers and young adults, it's bliss. Of course you still parent, but so much easier.

Ohh, @SourGrapez if you are indeed the woman you say you are, you have much to learn!

I do feel like you may have made more threads regarding how you 'can't believe' how useless people are. Is it you that made a thread about people who were thrilled when their child was 'the first to go to university' and thought it ridiculous, despite never having been to university, but planning to?

If so, I suspect you had your children very young, are with an older man, and you possibly feel, I'm going to use the word, unsteady, about who you are.

And that's fine. We can all be a bit bombastic when young, especially if we're not sure about our own choices. I get it.

But, and I caveat this, sometimes, one shouts very loudly about how great they are, when they're feeling precisely the other.

Is the older man you're with kind? Does he see you as an individual? Does he recognise you and your dreams? Are you equals in your relationship?

I suspect not. But I'm just some fucker on the internet who's seen life so feel free to disregard everything I say.

Me too and a mum I know is dressing her children like they’re going to church for every play date and party, going into town with them to watch shows and I just think I can barely get out the house for a walk some weekends.

All kids are different. You can have one, two, three no hassle and then the fourth one will come and throw a grenade into your life. Except that child might be the first child or the second child. Or you'll escape all the childhood trauma, then have the teens from hell or the twenties with mental health issues.
You should never count your chickens.

"Not trying to be goady"

Proceeds to be utterly goady.

Frankly I don't know what the fuck I'm doing from day to day half the time. I work five days a week, I try to run a house, I have a 10 year old child, I have always found parenting hard, I care for an elderly, disabled mother when I can, I am wracked with guilt at work, at home, at my mum's house, I'm peri-menopausal and I experience debilitating anxiety at times. I also come from a background of abuse and poverty so do I find it hard at times? Yes I fucking do. Do we need another superstar mother on the internet smugly patting herself on the back because she has different circumstances, a different life, a different working pattern, and just doesn't get it because she has a complete inability to put herself in someone else's shoes for half a second? No we fucking don't.

Shame the OP didn’t tell people ‘with kindness’ 🤷🏻‍♀️

No offence OP but at 22 you hardly have enough life experience to be looking down your nose at other parents. From a special needs brigade parent who had their first child at 20. I have learnt over the years to never judge a book by its cover. If you even know what that means.🙄

Perhaps a forum where women and mothers come primarily for advice and support isn't your natural home in that case.

Well-written? I'm not sure I agree with that.

That poster didn’t say your post was ‘well written’.