To think people are being bloody lazy

[SourGrapez]

Not trying to be goady (but probably will be 🙄). I keep seeing post after post about how parenting is “relentless” and “breaking people” and I just don’t really get it?

I’ve got 3 kids, all fairly close together (2 under 4 and DS8), work part-time, house isn’t a tip, kids eat actual food and go to bed at a sensible time. No screens during the week, no running round after them like a headless chicken. They sleep. Don’t beg and boss me about. They behave. Life ticks along.

Obviously there are tired days but some of the stuff on here makes it sound like people are barely surviving and I can’t help wondering what’s going wrong? Kids don’t need entertainment 24/7 and they don’t run the house. If you start as you mean to go on it’s… fine?

I don’t drink wine every night, make healthy dinners, don’t co-sleep, don’t negotiate bedtimes or bathtimes. Maybe that’s the difference? Or maybe people just don’t like being told no anymore (including adults).

Not saying I’m perfect, just genuinely confused how basic routines have become some kind of impossible feat 🤷‍♀️

And before the SEN brigade come and tell me how it’s different with their children, we already know and obviously this isn’t about them.

goes to make tea

@wizzywig its NOT ok because.... OP lacks experience herself and she hasn't even finished parenting she's got 2 kids under 4. Why is she sitting on her high horse?

Your lack of emotional intelligence and insight suggests your children might not be having the amazing up bringing you think they are 🤣🤣🤣

Your age lets you off the hook a bit, I imagine in twenty years you’ll cringe as you think back on the arrogance of your 22 year old self.

Op you got lucky so far re your children. Not everyone is the same and situations can change. My dsis say the same until a year ago then DC had breakdown and school refused. Life changed overnight. You sound very young and lacking life experience.

I would have absolutely agrees with you after my first 2 happy, cooperative, placid children who were such delights, then along came my 3rd with a completely different temperament, I love her to bits but she’s strong willed and hard work and no I’m not lazy. UABVU

I work part-time as does DH. We have a tiny mortgage and lots of family support. 1 naturally chilled out 3 year old and we are pretty strict with boundaries. Of course I am having an easy time! I count by blessings several times a day.
DH and I have had severe mental health issues in the past and chaotic lives so I know what it's like to struggle, and I feel compassion for others who do. As should you.

I think the clue is in the fact that you work part time? Not 50 hours a week in a stressful job that some of us are doing on top of parenting. Would love to see how fresh you felt coming home after a 10 hour day 😆😆😆

This wins the internet tonight. 🤦🏻‍♀️

I did it on my own and it was relentless at times as I didn't have any help and was skint a lot of the time. Some kids are easier than others and some parents have more resources, it all affects how we feel about parenting and how we cope. One of my friends always used to say that if she had had her second one first she wouldn't have had another one, he was such hard work. First baby was a dream, second one was a shock

You're well-written...? So, fictional.

OMG I have just read that you’re only 22 🤣🤣🤣🤣 Okay try being double that age and working 50 hours a week and then see how you feel!! My gosh you haven’t a clue 😂😂😂😂😂

Way to go making other parents feel like failures.

You honestly can’t comprehend that people might have children who aren’t as amenable as yours, @SourGrapez? Or more difficult circumstances - health issues, mental health issues, family problems etc etc - so many things that can make parenting harder than it is for you!

I hope that someone who is genuinely going through a tough time doesn’t come across your judgemental, tone-deaf, unkind thread when coming to MN for some help and support. You may find that there comes a time when things aren’t going so well for you, as regards your parenting or your perfect children, and you may need a safe space to vent.

Ooookkk. Good for you.

I like parenting. My kids have their moments. My house isn't the tidiest but that's also probably me. I have a good village though and work part time. But in general I don't find it too hard.

We do co sleep though. I don't see it as a moral failing. I quite like it.

SEN Brigade is v offensive.

And yes you are being goady

Parents who are exhausted aren’t lazy. parents who struggle aren’t lazy. Parents going through tough times aren’t lazy.

everyone has differnt life experiences and personalities kids also change a lot.

It might come as a shock but some of us older parents can still cook healthy dinners and stick to routines and STILL have a tough time.

You’re still very young and lack a lot of life experience. You also work part time so has extra time to get organised with things.

There are other factors too such as finances, health and support. Even if they are all tip top, life is still f-cking hard sometimes.

Nothing wrong with screens sometimes either and actually for older kids a lot of their reading and homework is on apps and google classroom. But you won’t know that yet as yours are small. Wait until they’re older and you’re juggling a lot more. Once they’re at school childcare is minimal in some places. School holiday clubs/childcare is either non-existent or so expensive, or stupid hours like 10-2 (when a lot of us work FT and commute).

You have been very offensive with your use of the term SEB bridge. Like Sen families have chosen to be in a special club. You can’t just acknowledge them bluntly and then push them aside in the hope they won’t speak up!

It’s great that you feel so perfect and that things are going well. Well done. But please do think about context.

and yes - this is a goady post and you’re doing well with replies. So more congratulations there. But a lot of shattered parents right now need an outlet like Mumsnet to just rant. And that’s ok. If you don’t like those threads - swim on by!!

I co-sleep with my 10 year old and it's one of best, active, conscious parenting decisions I've made.

Wow this is the second exceptionally smug post I have read on here tonight- in fact I think yours wins and slow hand clap for calling parents with disabled children a brigade…

You sound very cold and unloving OP. Your kids are probably terrified of you.

I don't think anyone is suggesting that but obviously having 10 extra hours a week - or 50 more than parents working the hours your partner does - to get house shit done makes things run smoother all round.

I actually think we should give @SourGrapez a break .

She's made less than optimal choices in her own life and that often manifests as push-back.

'You're all shit', is actually, 'I'm not sure about my own choices so will validate them by being a bit of a dick'.

She's young, has three children by two fathers and is with a much older man. I suspect @SourGrapez had a pretty shitty time of it as a child.

I'm going to advocate for understanding the circumstances here. I suspect OP's various threads are actually a shout into the ether.

She needs to be heard.

Its because everyone these days has a victim mentality and are not used to HAVING to do things when they don’t want to! Yes parenting can be very tough at times ( single mother of 4 dc, two of which have SEN) but you simply have to pull yourself together and get on with it!

I fostered for 15 years. I did short term, long term, emergency care. I adopted 4. I can honestly say none failed to respond to warmth, reasonable boundaries and clear expectations. I fostered ages from birth to teens. Including autistic children. I have endless sympathy for those drowning. I have no magic wand or insight. Just do lots of research, be consistent and have a supportive partner or family.

So your older DS isn’t actually yours and you didn’t have him in his life for the first four years. Your youngest DC is a few weeks old so I am assuming you are maternity leave. Come back to us when you have a toddler and two older children running around and you’re also juggling work.

I found the jump from one kid to two kids very easy, when the second was a little newborn potato who never moved. So different now they’re aged 2 and 5, especially as second is a terrible sleeper, so yes we co sleep even though I’d never have dreamt of doing it with my first.

I raised 5 kids, I worked full time, never co slept, me and their Dad didnt have to deal with any of the stuff I see on these posts.
Our youngest now an adult has severe Learning difficulties and Has ASD he now is living in a supported living ( his choice working towards independence) and even as difficult navigating life with him was,it was never like some of the hellscapes I see on here.
we always had control of our household, which even with 5 was generally peaceful, we never co slept, so at least we had our own bedspaces to get away if we needed to.
Now this bit i will likely get slated for, and frankly I dont give a damn. Socials will tell you that you have to be available for your offspring 24/7. If they wake just to touch your face at 4 in the morning, or if they want you to carry them around forc19 hours each day.
Well guess what. You dont.
If the cost of allowing that is that you are at the end of your tether, considering ending your life at the extreme or just deeply unhappy at more mainstream, then you don't have to do that. Its ok to set your own boundaries even with little children

The arrogance and self-absorption of her youth shines through. She has decided that her self-proclaimed 'superior' parenting is the stick she will beat more mature and established parents on this board (many of whom have daughters who are 22 and older) with to feel better about herself.

Oh and funnily enough my newborns never bossed me about either.