Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Xmas meal and parents

126 replies

9yhkout6 · 13/12/2025 07:19

Not sure whether am unreasonable regarding our xmas meal. We only ever go to my family's for xmas. Its either my brother's who is vegetarian and makes a vegetarian xmas meal every other year or my parents. This year it's my parents and my brother is with his in laws.

I told my parents we will cover the cost of the xmas meal. But they have no started ordering the food. Firstly they picked rungs that my family are allergic too, then just random stuff that have nothing to do with a normal xmas meal. My parents aren't from this country and didn't use to celebrate xmas.

Am I unreasonable to ask them to get traditional English food? I feel sad my kids don't ever get to experience it as it's either vegetarian food or random stuff.

We have offered to host but they won't come to ours

OP posts:
Riverbiscuits · 13/12/2025 07:21

Maybe stay at home instead and do your own thing, the way you want to? If they don’t want to come along then that’s up to them.

Imanautumn · 13/12/2025 07:21

Maybe don’t go there and invite them to you?

MogsChristmasBoiledEgg · 13/12/2025 07:22

Yeah, just don’t go and you sort the meal.

PermanentTemporary · 13/12/2025 07:22

Mm. In general I would say you don’t get to choose what other people are willing to cook and serve in their house - tbh even if you’re paying for it (why are you doing that?)

If you want to give your kids a traditional Christmas dinner then next year I would start hosting. If they won’t come then that’s up to them.

WonderingWanda · 13/12/2025 07:23

Spend the day at yours and then go to them at tea time instead or for boxing day.

thepariscrimefiles · 13/12/2025 07:23

Even if your parents won't come to yours, you should still have Christmas Day at home. Christmas at your parents doesn't sound enjoyable and I bet your children would prefer not having to leave their toys/presents and travel to either your brother's or your parents' house.

tilypu · 13/12/2025 07:24

There's nothing to stop you making your own Christmas dinner on a day that's not the 25th, if you want one.

In some places the big day is the 24th. And in others 'auld yule' is celebrated on 6th January.

Original poster
9yhkout6 · 13/12/2025 07:24

We have offered to host but they won't come partly due to transport - we are in London and neither of us has a car. We offered to pay for an uber but they thinking that would be ridiculous.

We offered to pay as they are elderly and I appreciate it costs a lot to host a Christmas. If we stayed at ours my parents would be on their own which seems mean.

OP posts:
BrendaSmall · 13/12/2025 07:25

we always have a tradition Christmas dinner on the day and I always do a roast dinner on New Year’s Day, maybe you could do a traditional roast another day it doesn’t have to be just for the 25th!

Pancakeflipper · 13/12/2025 07:26

Canypu

LaurieFairyCake · 13/12/2025 07:26

It’s not mean! They’re from a culture that doesn’t even celebrate Christmas

whereas your kids are from a culture that does.

cekebrate Christmas at home and go to them another day

MrsSkylerWhite · 13/12/2025 07:28

PermanentTemporary · 13/12/2025 07:22

Mm. In general I would say you don’t get to choose what other people are willing to cook and serve in their house - tbh even if you’re paying for it (why are you doing that?)

If you want to give your kids a traditional Christmas dinner then next year I would start hosting. If they won’t come then that’s up to them.

I wouldn’t wait til next year.

ThisLittlePony · 13/12/2025 07:28

Do they not leave the house? How can you get to theirs by Uber but not reverse? If they don’t celebrate Christmas why all the fuss?

YellowCherry · 13/12/2025 07:28

I agree with pp. Have a lovely traditional meal at yours and do it the way you want to do it. Invite your parents and it's up to them whether to accept. Alternatively, if they want to host, couldn't you take the food with you and cook it at theirs? We do that when we go to my MIL (as she isn't really up to cooking any more).

Edited to add: we pre cook the turkey and heat it up at MIL's, and cook the potatoes, veg etc there.

Hedgehog23 · 13/12/2025 07:31

Could you do the cooking at your parents? I once cooked at my MIL’s.

HarmoniousHumbug · 13/12/2025 07:33

If they don't celebrate Christmas then why does it matter if they are alone on the 25th? Surely it's just another day to them.

ilovesooty · 13/12/2025 07:34

HarmoniousHumbug · 13/12/2025 07:33

If they don't celebrate Christmas then why does it matter if they are alone on the 25th? Surely it's just another day to them.

Exactly. Just stay at home and visit them on another day.

luckylavender · 13/12/2025 07:35

You can do a trad Christmas meal another day at your home for the children

Ihateslugs · 13/12/2025 07:35

Could you order a delivery to be sent to there house? Although there might not be any delivery spots left now. You could buy it yourself and take it with you but without a car that will be difficult. I think all you can do is give a list of things they need to go out and buy.

Will they be cooking a turkey? If they are not used to traditional British Christmas meals then that might be challenging for them!

I share the cost of our family meal when we go to my sisters house, she has four adults in her family and there are five of us so it works out fairly. But my sisters buys everything as she is very organised and likes to do things her own way! I am “allowed” to make the meringues that we have at tea time and the sausage and apple stuffing which is a family favourite that my mum used to make!

MrsSkylerWhite · 13/12/2025 07:36

luckylavender · 13/12/2025 07:35

You can do a trad Christmas meal another day at your home for the children

Better still, go to them another day and give your kids a Christmas meal on Christmas Day.

Original poster
9yhkout6 · 13/12/2025 07:46

I guess it is just another day to them but we have celebrated Xmas for the last 30 years that we have been in the UK.

They aren't planning to make turkey. Probably a usual dinner.

OP posts:
Original poster
9yhkout6 · 13/12/2025 07:47

To get to theirs we are going on 24th to 26th as there is no transport in london on 25th. So can't do traditional meal on 24th either.

OP posts:
TorroFerney · 13/12/2025 07:50

9yhkout6 · 13/12/2025 07:46

I guess it is just another day to them but we have celebrated Xmas for the last 30 years that we have been in the UK.

They aren't planning to make turkey. Probably a usual dinner.

What do you a really want to do op? Think about that and do it.

They aren’t on their own if they are together.

TorroFerney · 13/12/2025 07:51

9yhkout6 · 13/12/2025 07:47

To get to theirs we are going on 24th to 26th as there is no transport in london on 25th. So can't do traditional meal on 24th either.

But you are choosing to do that, you can choose to do something different! You di have agency.

Original poster
9yhkout6 · 13/12/2025 07:51

Ideally I would like them to get usual Xmas fair and I cook it. That way we are with them and my kids can experience a proper British Xmas.

OP posts:
Swipe left for the next trending thread