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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Xmas meal and parents

126 replies

9yhkout6 · 13/12/2025 07:19

Not sure whether am unreasonable regarding our xmas meal. We only ever go to my family's for xmas. Its either my brother's who is vegetarian and makes a vegetarian xmas meal every other year or my parents. This year it's my parents and my brother is with his in laws.

I told my parents we will cover the cost of the xmas meal. But they have no started ordering the food. Firstly they picked rungs that my family are allergic too, then just random stuff that have nothing to do with a normal xmas meal. My parents aren't from this country and didn't use to celebrate xmas.

Am I unreasonable to ask them to get traditional English food? I feel sad my kids don't ever get to experience it as it's either vegetarian food or random stuff.

We have offered to host but they won't come to ours

OP posts:
MogsChristmasBoiledEgg · 13/12/2025 09:57

Do a roast Christmas Eve?

Swash89 · 13/12/2025 10:37

Sorry but put your kids first as you’ve got just one or two magical xmases with them left. You will look back on this and realise what a bad decision you’ve made these past few years

mondaytosunday · 13/12/2025 11:00

If you want a trad meal cook it yourself. Why not have them come to you?
However if they are willing to try it why not order an online shop to be delivered to them? But really if they are hosting they get to decide what food they are providing!

GagMeWithASpoon · 13/12/2025 11:03

9yhkout6 · 13/12/2025 08:31

I actually don't expect them to do xmas. As a family we used to do xmas because of my brother who was born here. it was always a random holiday. However, I would like my kids to have a regular Xmas, which they sort of do as my brother cooks a veg one every other year that they are with us. But we aren't vegetarian and my kids have never had a regular one.

If that’s what you want them to have, then that’s what YOU give them. If your parents won’t join you or compromise so it can be done in their house then they made their choice . From your other posts it doesn’t seem like they’d be particularly bothered whether you there or not anyway.

CluelessAboutBiology · 13/12/2025 11:54

@9yhkout6 what’s your issue with having a vegetarian meal?

BuckChuckets · 13/12/2025 11:56

Why is this so difficult for you? Stay at home and cook your traditional Christmas dinner.

We're vegan and I would never expect anyone else to cook a vegan Christmas dinner because we're going. People have actually invited us in the past, and I know they'd cater for us, but I'd rather have a full slap-up Christmas dinner, so we have it at home!

If your children really want a turkey dinner, put them first and make it for them at home.

Bellaboo01 · 13/12/2025 12:04

TorroFerney · 13/12/2025 07:51

But you are choosing to do that, you can choose to do something different! You di have agency.

Show quote history

There is transport in London, it is accessible to everyone.

My family and I live in London. Where abouts are you suggesting that there isnt any transport?

Bellaboo01 · 13/12/2025 12:05

9yhkout6 · 13/12/2025 07:19

Not sure whether am unreasonable regarding our xmas meal. We only ever go to my family's for xmas. Its either my brother's who is vegetarian and makes a vegetarian xmas meal every other year or my parents. This year it's my parents and my brother is with his in laws.

I told my parents we will cover the cost of the xmas meal. But they have no started ordering the food. Firstly they picked rungs that my family are allergic too, then just random stuff that have nothing to do with a normal xmas meal. My parents aren't from this country and didn't use to celebrate xmas.

Am I unreasonable to ask them to get traditional English food? I feel sad my kids don't ever get to experience it as it's either vegetarian food or random stuff.

We have offered to host but they won't come to ours

I assume that this post is a joke from some kind of tabloid!

CurlyhairedAssassin · 13/12/2025 12:10

Riverbiscuits · 13/12/2025 07:21

Maybe stay at home instead and do your own thing, the way you want to? If they don’t want to come along then that’s up to them.

This is the only answer. See your relatives at another time over Christmas but on Christmas day itself enjoy a proper christmas meal in your own home.

Millytante · 13/12/2025 12:12

9yhkout6 · 13/12/2025 07:24

We have offered to host but they won't come partly due to transport - we are in London and neither of us has a car. We offered to pay for an uber but they thinking that would be ridiculous.

We offered to pay as they are elderly and I appreciate it costs a lot to host a Christmas. If we stayed at ours my parents would be on their own which seems mean.

Is it so terribly mean though, since as you say, they never used to celebrate Christmas at all?
I might just be crotchety from sleep loss but honestly, if MN were one’s only window on the world, anyone might think a Christmas Day spent without at least twelve members of the family (plus their lovers, whom they only met in November) were the cruellest thing imaginable; almost unsurvivable.
This heavy message is clearly spreading misery and resentment throughout the land!

I think tradition and sharing are just wonderful in mid-Winter of course, but there’s no sense in forcing the issue if only a small percentage of the usual rituals and habits actually suit, or come easily to your family.

How are you getting to their house, anyway? Lacking a car, is there public transport operating, and in that case, it must run in the opposite direction too!
If you want a traditional vibe for your Christmas, then you'll just have to press a lot harder for them to come to you.
I think that's what I’d vote for, since the other way around seems not to suit anybody at all, including them! If they still resist, then so be it.
Say you'll come on St Stephen’s Day, or even Christmas Eve, and surely honour and duty will be satisfied.

Cornishclio · 13/12/2025 12:13

Stay at home and do your own thing. What about your in laws? Don’t you ever go there?

CurlyhairedAssassin · 13/12/2025 12:13

9yhkout6 · 13/12/2025 07:24

We have offered to host but they won't come partly due to transport - we are in London and neither of us has a car. We offered to pay for an uber but they thinking that would be ridiculous.

We offered to pay as they are elderly and I appreciate it costs a lot to host a Christmas. If we stayed at ours my parents would be on their own which seems mean.

But they aren't from this country and don't celebrate Christmas? What exactly is mean about it in those circumstances? You're totally projecting.

Cornishclio · 13/12/2025 12:21

CluelessAboutBiology · 13/12/2025 11:54

@9yhkout6 what’s your issue with having a vegetarian meal?

Maybe she doesn’t want it every year? We wouldn’t. Most of the things my family enjoy are things like pigs in blankets sprouts with bacon, turkey.

OP see your family another day. As they don’t seem to enjoy a traditional Christmas it surely won’t worry them. They can enjoy the day in their own way and you do a Christmas you and your family will enjoy. Most families alternate between in laws and their own parents so for whatever reason you don’t go to your in laws you can do your own thing. Break the pattern of always going to your parents and doing what they want.

ByQuaintAzureWasp · 13/12/2025 12:27

Why dont you cook for your parents at their house?

lazyarse123 · 13/12/2025 12:28

You need to stay at home because as you've said your parents don''t celebrate Christnas so you're not leaving them alone on a day that's special to them.

onetrickrockingpony · 13/12/2025 12:56

For god’s sake so many excuses. Tell your parents you are doing Christmas at home this year and they are welcome to come. If they don’t want to come, you’ll see them on the 27th.

It’s not that difficult. Stop faffing and give your children the Christmas you and they want to have.

FancyBiscuitsLevel · 13/12/2025 13:12

@9yhkout6- why are you acting like you have no choice in this?

Say to your parents you are having Christmas Day at your house, they are welcome to join you, you’ll send an uber if they would like but they don’t have to if they don’t want to. You would love to see them on 27th.

If they dont want to celebrate that’s fine. You make it festive.

TeatimeForTheSoul · 13/12/2025 13:19

It may help to start seeing conversations with your parents as adult-to-adult conversations rather than parent-to-child.
You are an adult trying to meet the needs of your young family.
Could you message them and suggest: from seeing the order, that there has been a mis-communication; You had meant to suggest supplying goods for a family Christmas celebration; So suggest you change the order to reflect this and you will do the Christmas related cooking; If they are uncomfortable with this in their house you can do it at yours and you’re happy to arrange a lift for then as previously described.
If they like ‘parenting’ you as an adult you’ll find them pushing back, they’ll take time to get used to you being an assertive adult. Just leave the info with them before you have a chat - you are more likely to fall back into old habits of giving in to them in a chat.

suburberphobe · 13/12/2025 13:27

there is no transport in london on 25th.

😧

Gobsmacked about that. The capital city!

I live in the capital city of my country, Xmas Day would be Sunday service times.

Minjou · 13/12/2025 13:42

suburberphobe · 13/12/2025 13:27

there is no transport in london on 25th.

😧

Gobsmacked about that. The capital city!

I live in the capital city of my country, Xmas Day would be Sunday service times.

That seems very unfair to the staff

Aluna · 13/12/2025 14:09

You need to put your big girl pants in and create Christmas for your kids. As your parents didn’t always celebrate Christmas, simply see them after Christmas.

ShodAndShadySenators · 13/12/2025 14:12

Why are you prioritising your parents' day over your children's Christmas? Like hell would I inflict an unChristmassy Christmas Day on my child when we could stay at home and do things our way. You've presumably done Christmases your parents' way before you had children, so why isn't your turn to do it how you want for your family?

If they don't want to leave home to visit you, that's their decision. It's not a reflection on you, it's a statement that they'd simply be more comfortable in their own gaff. Fair enough, but you also have the right to make decisions, you have agency over yourself and your kids.

Look at it this way, you could offer it three ways if you wanted: one year with your brother, one year with your parents, one year at home. That way, you will get approximately two Christmases in your own style before your 8 year old is no longer a child. Maybe three for your younger one! OR, you could invite the others to your house and if they come, great. If they don't, also great.

This is a choice that is yours. Have the Christmases you want to give your children, or have some watered down version. It genuinely is up to you - not your parents.

Jiski · 13/12/2025 14:55

It’s time for your own Christmas. You can see them another day before or after Christmas!

Pallisers · 13/12/2025 16:56

But they don't celebrate xmas so why are you going to them?

Just tell them you have decided to stay home and cook your own dinner - they are welcome to come, you'll order the uber for them. Then suggest you call over on the 26th or 27th.

Livpool · 13/12/2025 17:12

Just have Christmas at home - it’s not fair to prioritise your parents over your children. Invite them and if they don’t come, that is their decision. I am pretty passive but you are being a bit pathetic here.