Xmas meal and parents

[9yhkout6]

Not sure whether am unreasonable regarding our xmas meal. We only ever go to my family's for xmas. Its either my brother's who is vegetarian and makes a vegetarian xmas meal every other year or my parents. This year it's my parents and my brother is with his in laws.

I told my parents we will cover the cost of the xmas meal. But they have no started ordering the food. Firstly they picked rungs that my family are allergic too, then just random stuff that have nothing to do with a normal xmas meal. My parents aren't from this country and didn't use to celebrate xmas.

Am I unreasonable to ask them to get traditional English food? I feel sad my kids don't ever get to experience it as it's either vegetarian food or random stuff.

We have offered to host but they won't come to ours

Easy solution stay at home do your own dinner

If they can refuse your invite to yours surely you can refuse theirs?

So what?

I think it's nice we have quiet days and guaranteed days off for service industry staff.

London is dead on Christmas day, pretty much everything is closed... There's little point running public transport.

It's the same across the country, all big supermarkets, shops, attractions etc all close for the day. It's peaceful and lovely..

Just say to your parents ‘I’m sorry but we want the kids to have a traditional British Christmas lunch so either you let me cook that at your house or I cook it here, if you’re not happy with the first option, I will do the second and you are welcome to come to our house’

I had two DC and we don’t move them at Christmas as taking their presents anywhere in the car would be a faff! This year we’re actually having it on our own. My MiL is not happy but last year she absolutely ruined Christmas for everyone and I’m fed up of it! My parents instigated not coming to us this year as she made it so unpleasant last year.

The obvious solution is to go see them before or after Christmas Day and have a meal then. On the actual day spend it at home and have the Christmas dinner.

If you offered to get your parents an uber, why don’t you and your family get the uber and then you won’t have to stay the full three days ? Have your Christmas dinner at home on Boxing Day instead ?

Your kids will end up with no Christmas day memories in their own home opening presents around their own tree, pulling crackers and having Christmas dinner that you guys made. Put your foot down. These are their memories you are (not) making! You don't want to hear much later on in life that they are sad about it, there's no second go! Have the traditional Christmas you want wth your young family. The other people you mention have already had their childhoods. You are curating your kids' childhoods. Invite other family members, if they decline, oh well. See you in the New Year, then!

I appreciate everyone saying we should stay at ours but isn't a large part of British xmas tradition celebrating it with family?

@9yhkout6 you would be celebrating it with family: your children. It’s also a large part of tradition to rotate between different Christmases depending on who is hosting.

It is not a British tradition to focus one’s entire Christmas arrangements on elder family members who do not observe Christmas (and have never observed it) and generally don’t care about it, at the expense of children to whom Christmas means a lot.

It’s not mean…you said yourself…they don’t even do Christmas…..you do you….have a lovely Christmas dinner….see them another day

So you need to make up your mind about what’s more important…seeing your parents or having Turkey dinner

To be very clear here, OP.

Your children are at prime Father Christmas age. Your eldest only has 1 or 2 years left.

You can do stuff with your parents for the rest of their un-Christmassy lives, but you only have a few precious years of making magic for your rapidly growing children. You will never get these years back and you can only do it now.

How awaful that transport staff have to work over Christmas….I wouldn’t like to live in your country…sounds grim….so glad I live in the U.K.

Yes, but they can come to yours.

They can come to ours but somehow all family events happen at theirs if it's just us.

As they don’t celebrate Christmas, spend Christmas at home and go see them another day and eat their food then.

Why are you martyring yourself to their version of Christmas?

Are you actually after a solution? Anything about changing the day at your parents is an absolute no, you also seem to be against cooking on the years you don’t go to your parents.

Family can mean your immediate family you don’t have to see grandparents on fhe day. We never did.

Why are you not prioritising your own kids? That’s what’s mean. Your parents who have every other day to do what they want and who don’t even celebrate it, but mostly who are big grown adults take priority over kids

This is just a problem that really doesn’t need to be a problem.
Lots of solutions, just pick one 🤷‍♀️

We spend every Xmas with my family- it's just that half the time my brother cooks as his side is vegetarian and my parents don't cook veg food really.

I am getting the feeling that op is kinda just messing about with people's heads here for amusement. Very little makes any sense 🤔

But if they're invited to yours it is their choice to be on their own, not you being mean

Why doesn't it make sense. I come from culture where family celebrations are important though not Xmas. And my parents basically want to do things their way because that's how it's always been. And we take family seriously. My question wasn't for a solution but asking whether am being unreasonable at basically being annoyed at it. Doesn't mean there is anything I can do about it though if there was, I would have already come up with it. Doesn't stop me from being pissed off though.

You tell you are hosting and invite them. If they don’t come that’s on them.