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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Xmas meal and parents

126 replies

9yhkout6 · 13/12/2025 07:19

Not sure whether am unreasonable regarding our xmas meal. We only ever go to my family's for xmas. Its either my brother's who is vegetarian and makes a vegetarian xmas meal every other year or my parents. This year it's my parents and my brother is with his in laws.

I told my parents we will cover the cost of the xmas meal. But they have no started ordering the food. Firstly they picked rungs that my family are allergic too, then just random stuff that have nothing to do with a normal xmas meal. My parents aren't from this country and didn't use to celebrate xmas.

Am I unreasonable to ask them to get traditional English food? I feel sad my kids don't ever get to experience it as it's either vegetarian food or random stuff.

We have offered to host but they won't come to ours

OP posts:

Swash89 · 13/12/2025 07:51

That’s sound awfully dull for your kids and you seem to be insistent of having this boring unfestive time when you could be giving your kids a proper Christmas which you feel sad not to do. Seriously, don’t inflict this in your kids. You only have a few Christmas with them and they may choose to do other stuff when they are older. I’m really upset for you as I have wonderful memories of Christmas’s with the kids. Get all the food in at your place, stay home and have fun.

upstairsdownstairscardboardbox · 13/12/2025 07:55

Why don't you order the food to be delivered to their house and you cook it there? Or do they not want a roast dinner? In which case you have to choose.

Swash89 · 13/12/2025 07:56

How old are your kids?

Original poster

9yhkout6 · 13/12/2025 08:00

My kids are 8 and 6. So we have had a traditional Xmas during covid and once when they were sick with gastro and we stayed at home.

OP posts:

ChristmasinBrighton · 13/12/2025 08:05

Well if you offered to host and they declined, that was your opportunity to have Christmas your way in your home.

CandyCaneKisses · 13/12/2025 08:06

You could always stay home and give your kids the traditional meal you want. I don’t see why people always go off to family when it doesn’t actually suit them.

thepariscrimefiles · 13/12/2025 08:08

9yhkout6 · 13/12/2025 07:46

I guess it is just another day to them but we have celebrated Xmas for the last 30 years that we have been in the UK.

They aren't planning to make turkey. Probably a usual dinner.

You celebrate Christmas every year with people who don't celebrate Christmas and who don't make any effort to make things Christmassy in any way for their grandchildren. That isn't fair on you or your children. You have offered to pay for an Uber so that they can travel to your house so if they think that is ridiculous, they are making a conscious choice not to come to your house.

Put your children first this year after years of putting your parents first. They have each other so won't be alone and the day isn't even a special day for them so surely they won't even care?

CinnamonBuns67 · 13/12/2025 08:13

Stay home and eat what you want for Christmas. You can't tell them what to cook in their house, you want your children to have traditional British Christmas food, that's fair enough but you need to be the one to do it as nobody else wants to. I spend every Christmas at home with DH and DD and we celebrate it exactly how we want to and everyone else spends it exactly how they want, it's a great relaxing day.

TorroFerney · 13/12/2025 08:14

9yhkout6 · 13/12/2025 07:51

Ideally I would like them to get usual Xmas fair and I cook it. That way we are with them and my kids can experience a proper British Xmas.

Edited

So have you told them that? I assume they will say no we don’t want to, at which stage you say well we will stay at home. Put your children first op come on, backbone time.

RessicaJabbit · 13/12/2025 08:18

Just stay at home.

Why bother going to theirs all of Christmas when they don't celebrate?

Your kids will soon grow out of Christmas and the magic, so be selfish....

Tell them you're staying at home with the kids, send them the Uber money and say "we'd live to have you stay for 24-26"

And then if they choose not to come that's on them.

gogomomo2 · 13/12/2025 08:22

Why can’t you order the food and get it delivered or arrive a bit earlier and go shopping (you can pre order for collection).

Original poster

9yhkout6 · 13/12/2025 08:24

We can't have it delivered as essentially my mother is very protective of her house and will only let things in that she has vetted

OP posts:

Coffeeishot · 13/12/2025 08:27

Why dont you do a supermarket order and get it sent to their house? You say they don't do Christmas but are expecting them to do Christmas

Coffeeishot · 13/12/2025 08:29

9yhkout6 · 13/12/2025 08:24

We can't have it delivered as essentially my mother is very protective of her house and will only let things in that she has vetted

Well you are not really helping and setting obstacles,go to theirs do some shopping put it in the cupboards and freezer,

Original poster

9yhkout6 · 13/12/2025 08:31

I actually don't expect them to do xmas. As a family we used to do xmas because of my brother who was born here. it was always a random holiday. However, I would like my kids to have a regular Xmas, which they sort of do as my brother cooks a veg one every other year that they are with us. But we aren't vegetarian and my kids have never had a regular one.

OP posts:

YellowCherry · 13/12/2025 08:31

9yhkout6 · 13/12/2025 07:51

Ideally I would like them to get usual Xmas fair and I cook it. That way we are with them and my kids can experience a proper British Xmas.

Edited

Bring the food with you OP.

Coffeeishot · 13/12/2025 08:34

9yhkout6 · 13/12/2025 08:31

Honestly just do it in your own house, it is too difficult for your parents to organise for whatever reason, just have it at home if they don't celebrate the day then start your own tradition at home,

Summerbay23 · 13/12/2025 08:36

Unfortunately I think you have 2 options.

have a very frank conversation about what you want and you cook/help sort the food. Be very clear your kids would like a traditional Christmas dinner.
if they aren’t receptive then next year you’ll have to stay at home and have Christmas the way you want it. You can’t force people who are hosting to produce particular things if they don’t want to.

itsthetea · 13/12/2025 08:49

If they won’t come they stay at home and you have your day at your home like millions of families do

RaininSummer · 13/12/2025 08:54

So pick up a turkey crown for the freezer. Buy some veg and stuffing. When you get home defrost the turkey thing. Then next day have a turkey dinner with crackers and mince pies. Sorted.

ChloeCannotCanCan · 13/12/2025 08:59

You sound so passive - this is all in your control to change, just do it !

why are you prioritising your parents refusal to cook/travel/change over your wishes to give your kids a fun, traditional Christmas? Choose your kids! Choose to do what you want to do! It is all in your power to make this happen - you just need to do it.

sashh · 13/12/2025 09:23

9yhkout6 · 13/12/2025 07:51

Ideally I would like them to get usual Xmas fair and I cook it. That way we are with them and my kids can experience a proper British Xmas.

Edited

So do that. Lots of supermarkets are doing 'Christmas in a box' get one delivered to your parents on the 24th.

Or delivered to you earlier and take it with you.

Macaroni46 · 13/12/2025 09:26

Cook your own Christmas dinner on Boxing Day

lovemelongtime · 13/12/2025 09:31

This post is so annoying. Yeah another person complaining about a situation that is so easy to remedy.

A) take the food with you that you want to eat and cook everyone a meal
Or
B) order a delivery and tell your mother why, don't ask.

End of story

rainbowstardrops · 13/12/2025 09:36

You’re putting obstacles up that needn’t be there. Your children either have a vegetarian Christmas dinner, or some random meal every year!
Come on, it’s really not difficult. You just tell them you’re either:

1 Cooking a traditional dinner at their house this year.

2 You’re staying home this year

3 Invite them to yours and if they decline then that’s their choice for you to respect.

It sounds as if your children have a pretty miserable Christmas.

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