I don’t want to parent this weekend

[selfpityingnonsense]

Or over Christmas

or in the new year

or ever

I am sick of the noise; the whinging, whining, screaming, fighting and demands. I’m sick of the house being a mess, I’m sick of nothing ever being good enough and giving my all 24/7 and getting absolutely nothing back in return.

and I know I’m being unreasonable and don’t really care. I just wish I could walk: no motivation at all just now.

Do you live near a Family Hub? I know lots of people don't, but there are quite a few in my area. They offer a lot of support for parents, ours offer sessions for the kids (you have to be there), but the Family Workers structure the sessions usually, so it might be a bit of pressure off you? Also, could you speak to somebody in the centre, ask advice? The ones by me run lots of courses for parents designed to help with all kinds of issues like fussy eating, children's behaviour, difficult bedtimes etc... wishing you luck, it sounds rough.

What does that mean?

I hear you. I used to fantasise about a car accident in which I broke my leg so had to be in hospital with my leg in traction for a month. Bliss!

Family hubs don’t run on the weekends though as op keeps saying its the weekend thats the problem.

me personally I would take them to soft play (park in spring/summer) to burn off some energy then plonk them in front of the tv in the afternoon with some toys set up. i did when mine were small and it always helped.

let them watch kids YouTube for a bit. Treat yourself

I tried this a few times but guaranteed as soon as I settled into what I had planned to do (read, drink a hot cup of coffee etc) I would get a message that DC needed a nappy change or something (the crèche would just watch the children). My flight to Rio was getting up early on Saturday and going shopping (I had done 24/5 with the DCs as DH was a workaholic but would then would be do gooding in the evening with some group or other and even Christmas day).
It does stop eventually and you do miss the chaos.

Perhaps I’m looking back through rose tinted specs, but reading MN posts people seem to find the early years far harder than most of my friends and I did. Perhaps we had easy children.we had no money, no car, no nursery or preschool till 3 and we’re with them 24/7. However we were out every day at toddler groups or activities with friends such as picnics or walks. We had no disposable nappies, the smelly nappy bucket was the bane of our lives.However I think most of us were fairly firm with our children, we used reins and playpens to keep them safe which apparently is frowned upon now.

go to softplay and take ear pods

The 0 to 100 is what I think defines toddlers… my 3 year old came through her crazy 2.5 phase (screaming at night, won’t go in the pram, takes off the clothes I’ve put on her etc) and is relatively calm and easy… except when she’s not. A few nights ago she was happily about to get into bed when she decided she wanted red on her PJs and not white, they are the only Xmas pair she has, she wasn’t asking for a different pair from her drawer, she wanted to change the colour of the ones she was wearing … cue huge tantrum which woke the baby.

mine are 3 and 1 and I’m dreading the baby going through a crazy phase before the older one is properly out of toddlerhood. I envisage carnage.

I can relate, mine are 4 and 1. It's relentless. We learned the hard way from last year to plan activities in a very specific way i.e. space them out enough to decompress, allow for naps etc. My eldest is very high sleep needs so even though they started school this year, will still occasionally need a nap at the weekend, and if they've had a not so great night's sleep they are an absolute nightmare with tantrums and whinging all day which is hard if there's a big day out planned.

Not ideal about screens blah blah but if you are at breaking point just put a film on that they will both watch, make a cosy little den/picnic area on the floor with snacks etc and you can chill out on the sofa for a bit. Now that it's Christmas time that's a nice little 'memory' for them anyway. I highly recommend 'That Christmas' on Netflix.

Brilliant. Well done . 👏

helpful

indeed

plus then when he does have them it can unintentionally just lead to more work

anyway I’m not being drawn in to the dh whining

Possibly not helpful, but an observation. Probably had nowhere like MN to moan on! If you have a child that doesn’t sleep, you have all my sympathy.

This weekend, do all the bad things, maximum screen time, snacks on the sofa. My DC used to be really calmed by TV when they were small, not ipads, but on the sofa watching something helped them to switch off for a bit.

As PPs have said your life will be a dream in a few years, compared to what it is now. My youngest is now 12 and the (not particularly difficult) dog has been by far my biggest problem for a few years now. Most of the time my DC don't have any interest in me or what I'm doing at all. I never stop being grateful for how much easier life is.

I think I found it far harder than most other people seem to. As much as i love my DC (and I really do more than anyone), it did feel like a prison sentence.

Can you take a couple of sick days from work next week to look after your MH a bit @selfpityingnonsense ?

You are not alone OP
Very hard work and stressful.
Lonely and relentless.
Common experience and having support makes a huge difference.
Take care OP

i think ages 2 until 5 is tough: once they are 6/7 it does get easier. Hold on

I do think people often have children amid a romantic daze and sense of societal pressure. There is a lot of fluff that surrounds it all.
Babies are lovely but they turn into children who turn into teenagers. It is full on, full time.

I also wonder if the media has missold the experience of small children for many with the pics of perfectly turned out mum and child and snapping back to size 8 straight after birth.

Why have things got so bad, why do you allow the behaviour.
Children are basic animals and need training.
If you don't train them early, you grow to dislike them, when they don't know to behave, not really their fault.

You sound like my sister. Although she did have a live in nanny, cleaners etc.

Don’t forget smacking and threats which were also permissible! I’m also guessing you were not relentlessly emailed and texted by your kids school? ‘Please remember today is…’ ‘your child will need a costume’ ‘non school uniform day, again’ ‘please bring £1 for our partner school in Angola’ ‘it’s world book day!’ ‘Children in need is next week…’ ‘for nativity, please provide X costume and pay online, remember to check out each ticket individually’ ‘please sign this for the flu vaccine’ ‘Wednesday is parents evening, please book a slot’ ‘remember the online learning portal which you are supposed to do every day’ ‘it’s school trip time!’ ‘No nuts or XYZ in lunchboxes, please’ ‘it’s time for our craft fair!’ ‘Monday is forest school, your child must be wearing…’ ‘LOST PROPERTY!’, ‘It’s harvest festival soon! Please bring..’

And that you didn’t work?

Hey OP. You sound like you’ve burnt out.

Most of the solutions offered here are temporary - sticking plasters that don’t work, like putting the kid in nursery. What you need is something long term that’s going to make your children more pleasant to spend time with.

I know they are little, but you can definitely communicate how you’re feeling to them in an age appropriate way. You can also make some new ‘rules’ they can understand. They need to have boundaries and know that you also are a person.

When my 3 were that age I had a written list (doesn’t matter that they can’t read - you can still point at it). It had things like: No hitting, ever. If you feel like hitting, come and tell me. Speak in a nice voice, otherwise I can’t understand you. Etc etc. You’d be surprised how well toddlers understand this.

I’d also suggest reading How to Talk so Your Kids will Listen.

Also, and I’m sure you do, make sure they are fed enough and get enough sleep. And don’t try to do too much with them. I believe most toddlers these days are overstimulated.

Please enlighten us on your methods?

Sympathies to all the tired parents out there.I have older ones now and it does get easier .The run up to Christmas is hectic, and DC plays up with all the constant hype on the media .friends. nursery and so on .My friend has 3 under 3 so not fun! I used to find a nice walk through the woods ,Local park. The beach etc runs off steam .Also Santa Special was good ;Just collect some shells or twigs. and a little paint or glitter whatever .some simple cutting out of Biscuits or heavy dough for tree ornaments. Can you leave them with Mum for an hour or DH.Take it in turns for a rest? I used to rely on TV for my DS in winter a lot .felt guilty .(I read to him as well ) Despite his teletubby addiction as a tot has grown into a confident young chap with a Science degree and a good job!

This thread has taken me back to when I had 2 under 3.

I used to daydream of being in solitary confinement in prison.

Just hang in there OP. I have no useful advice at all. x