Page 13 | Ex says he’s sick of doing shit for me

Nantescalling · 13/12/2025 18:25

PoptyPin · 12/12/2025 20:23

Tonight it was driving me and our disabled son to a little caravan park so our son could have a festive holiday. Asked ex months ago if he wouldn’t mind driving us as I don’t drive, it’s one hour and 15/20 minutes drive.

Ex turned up this evening and I had booked a food delivery to take with us, delivery was delayed by 20 minutes so I apologised and said does he want to come in with our oldest to wait. He was annoyed saying I should have planned it better and it wasn’t fair, he’s not waiting and no way is he waiting in my house. He said he was sick of doing shit for me, I argued that it wasn’t for me, it was for our son who deserves the same opportunities as his sibling, it’s not like he’s driving me to a spa weekend etc. he called me an arsehole and stormed off.

i cancelled the delivery as they kept pushing it back, i sat in the car and told him i had cancelled it, oldest said i was a bitch and how ungrateful I was to Dad. I shouted at him to not call me that and to show me some respect.

Ex put on happy Christmas music and chatted to DS and I cried all the way there as I was so looking forward to a happy, festive weekend with youngest. (It was dark, the kids wouldn’t have seen but I just felt fucking broken in that moment by everything)

Ex struggled to find the accommodation and again said how he was sick of doing this shit for ME. DS joined in with how mammy is ungrateful and I tried to say how it’s not for me, it’s for his sibling who deserves a little holiday, he has profound needs and it’s not easy on my own with him.

Ex dropped off all the stuff for us but fucking hell. It’s the last time I ask him to help us. AIBU? Was I ungrateful? Who was unreasonable?

A lot of people are being very unkind and saying you should learn to drive. Depending on how badly disabled your son is, that might not be a solution. On this site, everybody has agreed to the guidelines 'Please be respectful'. Guilt tripping an OP without even knowing the whole picture is defo not respectful.

Lollylucyclark101 · 13/12/2025 18:25

cloudtreecarpet · 13/12/2025 18:18

And I would argue that by taking their disabled child away for a weekend on her own on a weekend her ex should be caring for him.she is actually making HIS life easier!

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They've obviously agreed arrangements for the child for this getaway.

personally he shouldn’t had said yes in the first place.

Tuesdayschild50 · 13/12/2025 18:28

First of all the child speaking to you like crap would be told straight off to get some respect and apologise.
As for the ex don't rely on him anymore if you can budget in for a taxi when you're next going away.
Life will feel happier for you that way and don't forget do not let anyone especially your child speak to you like crap.

Hankunamatata · 13/12/2025 18:32

Well he is an ex for a reason. No one should speak to you that way

Should you have done a last minute food order- nope

Nantescalling · 13/12/2025 18:35

Bluefloor · 12/12/2025 22:21

Obviously you can’t help the food being late, but I don’t think it’s fair to ask your ex to drive you to holidays, presumably he has to drive back also. So it’s over a 2 hour round trip. I probably wouldn’t expect anyone to do that for me tbh.

Whyever not - it's his disabled son we are talking about, his ex is incidental!

Cherry8809 · 13/12/2025 18:37

I argued that it wasn’t for me, it was for our son who deserves the same opportunities as his sibling

I think that’s rather manipulative.
If you want your son to have “the same” opportunities, you have to be able to facilitate them in the same way your ex does.

Stop booking things that you can’t/wont get to yourself without having to rely on other people.

Nantescalling · 13/12/2025 18:40

PoptyPin · 12/12/2025 22:42

Thanks, our son used to have a mobility car which ex drove but he had to send it back when we separated. I claim the mobility payment now which I use for taxis etc. I do need to learn to drive - I have tried in the past and was absolutely shocking 😆 I failed 4 times and found the whole thing soul destroying!

Ex does look after our son 2 nights per week while I work, ithe issue is him not taking him out on his own - even just to the park or for a little walk. It’s a shame as he’s sat in the house all weekend.

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Hope that your explanation of not driving will shut up all the people on here saying not driving is a sin you've committed. I was sure there was a good reason why you didn't have a licence. Even if you did, could you manage getting him into a vehicle either mobility or ordinary car?

MoominMai · 13/12/2025 18:42

PoptyPin · 12/12/2025 22:42

Thanks, our son used to have a mobility car which ex drove but he had to send it back when we separated. I claim the mobility payment now which I use for taxis etc. I do need to learn to drive - I have tried in the past and was absolutely shocking 😆 I failed 4 times and found the whole thing soul destroying!

Ex does look after our son 2 nights per week while I work, ithe issue is him not taking him out on his own - even just to the park or for a little walk. It’s a shame as he’s sat in the house all weekend.

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If at all possible, don’t give up on trying to learn to drive. I don’t mind saying I failed about 4 times also - I’d have a sheet with loads of minors that accumulated to fails always. Then on the fifth time, I was in a stroppy ‘let’s gets this over so you can give me my fail’ mood 😂 and was just more ‘unbothered’ as it were and I passed lol which made me think it’s often just psychological like overthinking/nerves etc.

I now whizz about on the motorway and here there and everywhere! It’s a life skill which will change your and your sons world. You sound an amazing mum OP and I’m sorry it’s so tough for you right now - good luck!

Nantescalling · 13/12/2025 18:52

IamtheDevilsAvocado · 13/12/2025 02:55

No help at mo..

But driving is a basic life skill..!!

In the New year could you prioritise learning to drive?

Then this will no longer be an issue... As the hot driving issue won't go away until you solve it...

Presumably with the level of need your son has, he'd be eligible for motability?

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Please check post where OP explained four failures at the test.

croydon15 · 13/12/2025 18:56

I'm sorry OP I realise that it must be tough for you to look after your disabled son on your own, and your eldest should not speak to you like that, you don't mention how old he's. People have suggested that you hire a car/uber but obviously for that distance it would be very expensive and money is probably tight. Going forward you can't rely on your ex although if he's the child's father he could do the decent thing and help out to make his child's life easier.
I hope that both of you had a great time when you got there.

Nantescalling · 13/12/2025 18:57

Missey85 · 13/12/2025 13:37

All of you saying his horrible his a ex it's not really his job to be a taxi driver because op doesn't want to get a licence would you say the same if this was a man complaining about their ex?

The problem was 4 driving test failures - not not wanting to learn.

RoamingToaster · 13/12/2025 19:32

The OP asked her ex months in advance if he could do it. If it was going to be such a pain he could have said no. And besides it was for their son.

Askingforafriendtoday · 13/12/2025 19:36

shellyleppard · 12/12/2025 20:26

Sorry OP but if my child spoke to me like that..... your ex isn't helping the situation. Maybe next time get a taxi?? Your ex sounds horrible. Sending hugs x

This

Zerosleep · 13/12/2025 19:41

If I’m honest I wouldn’t want to rely on my ex for anything except to do the co-parenting. And I certainly wouldn't allow him or your ungrateful rude child to speak to me like that or call me names. Stand your ground and set your boundaries. If that ever happens again, put him in his place and tell him how dare he and to stop immediately as he is role modeling abuse behaviour for his children to follow. What a disgusting man and to be honest, your child is no better.

TiredofLDN · 13/12/2025 19:59

This thread is so fucking depressing.

The OP has been accused of being manipulative for telling her ex - the father of their shared, disabled child- that she wants DC to have the same opportunities

She’s been accused of “using” her ex- when I’m very sure she would much rather not be stuck in a car with him for an hour - and more to the point, since they’re clearly not 50/50 how about he stops using HER as unpaid labour for their child who clearly has more needs than one person can reasonably manage - as he can’t do it- and forks out for a carer, or steps up and does more?

Its been inferred that she’s somehow slacking for not driving

Barely anyone has pointed out that the ex

is not sharing childcare equally
is not providing nor facilitating equitable opportunities for the children - and doesn’t seem to give a shit about doing so
is if not abusive, at least unpleasant to the OP
Is accepting and probably encouraging the verbal abuse of the OP by the older child

Honest to fucking god mumsnet is a swamp sometimes.

I can’t tell if it’s ableism, lack of concern for carers, or internalized misogyny, but it’s awful.

Theres also SUCH a clear lack of ability to separate relationships with an ex partner in a romantic sense, with your duty as parents of a shared child. I hope most of you aren’t single parents, because if you are I feel sorry for your kids.

I see you OP, and i get it.

Gandalf112 · 13/12/2025 20:06

You're using your ex. Learn to drive and get a car.

Jesslovesengineering · 13/12/2025 20:24

PoptyPin · 12/12/2025 22:42

Thanks, our son used to have a mobility car which ex drove but he had to send it back when we separated. I claim the mobility payment now which I use for taxis etc. I do need to learn to drive - I have tried in the past and was absolutely shocking 😆 I failed 4 times and found the whole thing soul destroying!

Ex does look after our son 2 nights per week while I work, ithe issue is him not taking him out on his own - even just to the park or for a little walk. It’s a shame as he’s sat in the house all weekend.

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I'm not sure what area you're in but where I am the local branch of carers UK (Newcastle) have a grant for driving lessons. Look also at family fund. Check out your local SEND local offer and parents and carers forum. Someone will be able to advise. Do you have a disability social worker? Or maybe try getting a Mencap family caseworker to help yoh access all you're entitled to and get that motability car back. I passed 4th time. It was just anxiety / undiagnosed autism and ADHD. I'm a great driver. Wish I could help. He's a prick, fuck him.

Dawnintheageofaquariams · 13/12/2025 20:31

Octavia64 · 12/12/2025 20:31

I am divorced

there is no fucking way I would do anything for my ex.

in fact, there are very few people who I would offer to do that sort of drive for as finding holiday accommodation in the dark is a fucking nightmare at the best of times.

I think he was very very nice to agree to do it at all.

sorry probably not what you want to hear.

Not doing it for his ex though, doing it for his son...
Shame you can't read.

Crankyoldwoman · 13/12/2025 21:22

cloudtreecarpet · 13/12/2025 08:19

Jesus, the comments on this thread are unbelievable!!

The OP was taking her disabled child away for a break on the weekend her ex should have been caring for him.
The ex who is the child's father can't cope with him & doesn't take him out himself - the OP has said that.
Surely then, the very least he could do is drive them to the holiday park??
He agreed to do it - AGREED to - months before, then moaned about it.

Why was it he agreed?? Because he knew he would get an easy weekend "off" with the other non- disabled teenager.

He is being a complete wanker in this scenario so stop defending him people!

And stop telling the OP to simply "learn to drive" like it's the easiest thing in the world to do.
Anyone actually tried to get lessons and a test booked recently??
But the driving is a red herring anyway. The useless ex agreed to drive her for his own sake then acted like a spoilt brat

And you can bet this is the tip of the iceberg with his selfish,useless behaviour around the care of his kids.

@cloudtreecarpet Voice of reason, you read the thread, as I did, all these women bashing a woman with a disabled child trying to do the best for him, when her ex should be stepping up too care for him, what a prize!

HevenlyMeS · 13/12/2025 21:30

Dear Original Commenter, 🫂
I'm so very sorry to hear you're being disrespected & spoken down to, by your ex & your eldest Son 😢
Your eldest Son obviously gets the attitude from your ex & although of course, it doesn't excuse speaking to you so rudely, at least you know, where it stems from & most surely not to take it personally 🙏
God Bless You&Yours, especially you & your youngest lovely Son, whom you're absolutely right, most surely deserves a heartwarming, heartfelt Christmasy Caravan Holiday 🤗
How lovely & what a Most Marvelous Mum you truly are, going to so much effort to organise this for your dear Son 🫂
Please, try not to let this horrible disrespectful attitude wear you down, sincere soul, though I completely comprehend & empathise because I'd be distraught too
Please remember it's only the negative influence surrounding & swaying your eldest Son which is making him be so hurtful right now
Time's a great healer of attitudes & God, if the father of Your Sons begrudges doing kind gestures & helping them, this is wholeheartedly on him, most surely not a reflection on you, lovely Mum, ok 💚🙏💚
Wishing you all the utmost very best

MaryMaggot · 13/12/2025 22:17

He’s an abusive prick and he is turning the older one in to one as well. Does he live with his father?

croydon15 · 13/12/2025 22:44

cloudtreecarpet · 13/12/2025 08:19

Jesus, the comments on this thread are unbelievable!!

The OP was taking her disabled child away for a break on the weekend her ex should have been caring for him.
The ex who is the child's father can't cope with him & doesn't take him out himself - the OP has said that.
Surely then, the very least he could do is drive them to the holiday park??
He agreed to do it - AGREED to - months before, then moaned about it.

Why was it he agreed?? Because he knew he would get an easy weekend "off" with the other non- disabled teenager.

He is being a complete wanker in this scenario so stop defending him people!

And stop telling the OP to simply "learn to drive" like it's the easiest thing in the world to do.
Anyone actually tried to get lessons and a test booked recently??
But the driving is a red herring anyway. The useless ex agreed to drive her for his own sake then acted like a spoilt brat

And you can bet this is the tip of the iceberg with his selfish,useless behaviour around the care of his kids.

This - totally agree the ex is awful if he can"t do anything to help his disabled son. You need to be in OP' shoes to see how easy it is in every day life. She is doing her best to give her child a better life and needs support not criticism.

CookiesCoffeeBaileys123 · 13/12/2025 22:57

Sorry but YABU. He's horrible but you know this by know. Putting yourself in this situation and acting like a victim is really thoughtless.

He's your ex. You're over. If you want to go on holiday, make your own way there.

cloudtreecarpet · 13/12/2025 23:10

CookiesCoffeeBaileys123 · 13/12/2025 22:57

Sorry but YABU. He's horrible but you know this by know. Putting yourself in this situation and acting like a victim is really thoughtless.

He's your ex. You're over. If you want to go on holiday, make your own way there.

Arrrggghhh!
Stop blaming her!

He's the f**king father & he agreed to do it!

This is why so many men are shit because people (and I mean women) always, always take their side & let them away with the absolute bare minimum of effort.

Winterwonderwhy · 13/12/2025 23:36

Yanbu. What a shit man. He never takes your child away and begrudges you a lift so that same child gets a holiday. And sitting there allowing the older one to speak like that. Clearly he is a shit father. Who knows why he agreed to do this. Because he wants to paint the picture that he’s such a lovely man?