Unexpected guest on Christmas Day

[Purtyburty]

Hi all I would like some feedback on this situation my DH has given me this morning. This is our first time having Christmas in our own home as we usually go off visiting different sides of the family as nobody lives in the same area. My parents are 5 hours away and DH’s parents are 2 hours away. This year we are hosting DH’s side as we have two young children under 5 and it just gets too much travelling and taking presents etc. We have asked DH’s DB to come as well because he has just come out of a 6 year relationship in the past year. DH’s parents are divorced so just MIL coming as well from 23rd-27th. DBIL has not given a definite answer where he is going but this morning my DH said DBIL said he might come and bring somebody he is seeing with him. DH has not shut it down and he said he said ‘oh really?’ and that was that. AIBU to not want this to be the case? We’ve never met her - I had to ask my husband her name even 😬 when I said I didn’t like that idea DH said im just making things difficult for him now? Thoughts?

It’s a woman he has barely begun dating, not a “partner.”

I would if it was family.

you haven't told us when you stop "dating" and start being "a partner"

I 100000% wouldn't have a stranger stay in my house. Lunch yeah ok but not to stay over. You and your kids need to feel safe and secure in your own home, you won't have that with a stranger there. I'd say they're welcome to come have their Christmas meal with you but until you know the new gf better you don't want her staying over.

Exactly. I think people forget how OTT Christmas is with young children. The squealing, the excitement over Santa, moving the elf, the magic and just how animated you have to be ‘OMG!! How did Santa know you wanted the roller skating Barbie?? That’s amazing! He’s so clever! You must have been such a good girl!!

I mean she might embrace all this chaos but unlikely if she doesn’t celebrate Christmas - why the fuck would she want to come and yes, I can see why OP would be self conscious with a randomer there.

I would consider myself hospitable ‘come in come in, pull up a chair, have a drink, we have plenty’ type of thing, but four bloody nights with someone you have never during the most precious family time of the year is just too much.

I think it's a bit different in scope, in that the entire world around us doesn't go mad - adverts everywhere, parties, events, travelling to family, everything shutting down - for Hanukkah (although I like your username!).

@Purtyburty I'm a the more the merrier person. Maybe you'll absolutely love her and have a great time with her. Conversely, if she's awful, you and your DH can have some private laughs at her expense.

Do people on here really decide about guests based on weighing up the likelihood that the guests will have sex or can't control themselves if appropriate? That's never occurred to me. Perhaps I should send a questionnaire in future.

Massive no from me. We all work so hard to make the Christmas special for our kids, I would not want a stranger in the house. Great if you are the "more the merrier" type but honestly I just want to be able to relax with our close family on what is already a crazy day!

Totally, dinner’s done, washing up done, finally sitting down with a Bailey’s and relaxing with your paper crown and slippers on and you’ve got to start with ‘So Jenny, have you lived in Cambridge long then?’ Sod that.

Also to add - just seen your update re your daughter being shy - my 3 year old is exactly the same with most adults outside of close family and my nursery. No way would I not want her to enjoy the day because of a stranger in the house. She just wouldn't speak all day and wouldn't enjoy herself so much which I could not allow. It's a tough conversation but you've got to put your little ones first - while they are still little!

IKR.

And even more so when it's Christmas we're talking about - whatever happened to the season of goodwill?!

I think you're being a bit grinchy, last year we had 4 people we'd never met (for various reasons) and it was fab, it felt really warm and festive opening up our house, the kids loved the attention. I also hate the idea of someobe being alone at christmas or missing their partner but not invited to be with them. Equally, it's your house so up to you I guess.

What would Jesus do?

I think it's one thing to invite her to Christmas dinner but not for 4 nights when you've never met.

Hell no to a stranger staying for that many days in your home. Very inappropriate for him to even ask. If it was for the day then it’s fine.

Did you also have these 4 people stay for FOUR days? Clearly you have not bothered to even read the op and the updates

When they establish a household together. If.

Some rando we never heard of, whom he picked up in the pub two weeks ago, isn’t a “partner” and wouldn’t be crashing our Christmas Day.

The more the merrier! It’s Christmas afterall!

There's a lot of living saints on this thread

Even worse.
”so Jenny, how many towels do you need?”
”so Jenny, what time do you want breakfast?”

etc etc for four endless nights and days…..

I'm with your mum, the more the merrier! Season of goodwill and all that!

It hardly shows a lack of boundaries to want to spend Christmas Day with your boyfriend/girlfriend, really.
I imagine if op says no her BIL won’t come either; they’ll just spend it together somewhere else.
If that’s what she wants, fine, but it may not go down well with her dh, and it’s a bit mean spirited.

I think this thread would have gone quite differently if people actually bothered to read OPs posts before commenting.

BIL bringing random girlfriend to Xmas lunch would be okay with me. The more the merrier.

BIL inviting random girlfriend to stay for 4 nights given that she's a total stranger, doesn't celebrate Xmas, and will upset my shy 3yo?

Not a chance in hell.

Dm always liked a few randoms around the Christmas table and it wouldn't bother me. Almost 40 years ago I went to Greece for Christmas to stay with my very new long distance bf. I arrived early December but he didn't tell his parents he was bringing me (or that I even existed) until a couple of days before we went to theirs for Christmas. We're finally divorced after 30 plus years marriage and 4dc but I hadn't really thought they'd have said no.

“The more the merrier” only really applies if you do have “more”. If you are a small group and add in a complete stranger it could be really awkward.

At this stage (or any stage, really) you can’t ban the guest, but staying for four days? It depends on the size of house. If you have a guest wing, fair enough. If, like us, you’d all be dodging round the one small bathroom then I might have to pretend I was leaving to visit (insert random never heard of before) friends on the 26th.

I'd feel the same as you. But i think we would both be unreasonable. Truth is christmas is supposed to be the season of good will.
But yea, id still not want it 😂