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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Unexpected guest on Christmas Day

282 replies

Purtyburty · 12/12/2025 11:17

Hi all I would like some feedback on this situation my DH has given me this morning. This is our first time having Christmas in our own home as we usually go off visiting different sides of the family as nobody lives in the same area. My parents are 5 hours away and DH’s parents are 2 hours away. This year we are hosting DH’s side as we have two young children under 5 and it just gets too much travelling and taking presents etc. We have asked DH’s DB to come as well because he has just come out of a 6 year relationship in the past year. DH’s parents are divorced so just MIL coming as well from 23rd-27th. DBIL has not given a definite answer where he is going but this morning my DH said DBIL said he might come and bring somebody he is seeing with him. DH has not shut it down and he said he said ‘oh really?’ and that was that. AIBU to not want this to be the case? We’ve never met her - I had to ask my husband her name even 😬 when I said I didn’t like that idea DH said im just making things difficult for him now? Thoughts?

OP posts:
WingsTingle · 13/12/2025 23:41

Haven’t read all the replies, but my thoughts would be… how much would having her there change YOUR enjoyment of Christmas? We get relatively few when our children are young - of her being there meant you are more likely to be playing host or refraining from doing things you normally like to do on Christmas Day, if her being there is going to become the focus or take the shine off of anything then it would be a no from me. Suggest she comes over one afternoon / evening but to have her to stay and never met her could be very awkward…

Franjipanl8r · 13/12/2025 23:58

I don’t love hosting but wouldn’t mind this as hopefully they’ll be easier to host as a couple. They can both be set to work clearing dishes or washing up together and chatting rather than just BIL asked to help and left to himself.

pineapplesundae · 14/12/2025 02:30

People have strangers over for Xmas dinner all the time. Perhaps her family is far away. Don’t be a grinch.

MrsScarecrow · 14/12/2025 07:31

Gavin and Stacy Christmas Special comes to mind 😍 - when Smithy invited his girlfriend .

FluffyBenji23 · 14/12/2025 08:16

I'd not have a problem with them coming for the day. But a total stranger coming to stay? Absolutely not, unless it's a dire emergency. My home is small and is my safe space and sanctuary.

PopandFizz · 14/12/2025 12:14

I'm all for more the merrier but think its unreasonable to invite someone you've never met to stay over in your house when you have 2 young children and your BIL should understand that HOWEVER it is a difficult thing to say to them Iif they don't come to that realisation themselves.

I would say that your children wouldn't be comfortable with it but they'd be welcome to come for dinner

Besttobe8001 · 14/12/2025 12:59

DierdreDaphne · 12/12/2025 11:55

Id find it hard not be a bit 🤨 about someone who hasn't already made plans for Christmas with or without her new shag. It does seem a bit "sex before loved ones" at a generally "loved ones first" time of year. There must surely (hopefully)be people in her life more important to her than her boyfriends family that she hasn't even met.

I wonder if BiL.was sounding your DH out before suggesting it to her in case she had no plans - but will be gracious -nay pleased- if she is going to be with her nearest and dearest. Which seems less self-centred.

Of course we know absolutely nothing about her situation. I just think if they are desperate to spend.the time together because early relationship lust it's a bit cringe of them.

That's such a horrid thing to say and infer.

We haven't all got lovely families waiting to welcome us with open arms.

I've had various Christmas's where I've been a "hanger on" and been welcomed with open arms into the home of someone I don't know hugely well. I'd hate to think someone thought I was morally ambiguous just because I haven't got anywhere else to go.

HevenlyMeS · 14/12/2025 14:23

Yes completely concur with you Sincere Soul 💚😢💚

Theslummymummy · 14/12/2025 14:38

Ita not christmas day yet though and hes told you? So they literally are expected.

CommonAsMucklowe · 14/12/2025 20:38

I wouldn't want to be the girlfriend coming to a house full of strangers. I would be declining in her position.

Original poster
Purtyburty · 15/12/2025 19:08

Theslummymummy · 14/12/2025 14:38

Ita not christmas day yet though and hes told you? So they literally are expected.

There have been a couple of comments like this about how it is ‘expected’ because DBIL has told us about it before Christmas Day. Attempting to be semantical as a way of disregarding my feelings isn’t really giving me food for thought, especially when my use of the word ‘unexpected’ is correct. I didn’t ‘expect’ to be hosting a stranger for 4 days over Christmas prior to this conversation with DH. And now I am presented with that idea. Dear me.

OP posts:
Original poster
Purtyburty · 15/12/2025 19:11

Thank you all for so many comments. You have given me lots of different perspectives and shared experiences so I feel a lot less anxious about the possibility of it. Staying elsewhere is something DH have agreed on so that the intimate part of Christmas present opening can be just us. However DBIL still hasn’t decided.

OP posts:
Askingforafriendtoday · 15/12/2025 19:15

Wonder how you would feel in DBIL's shoes, if you were the one with a broken relationship and a new partner...

Original poster
Purtyburty · 15/12/2025 19:48

Askingforafriendtoday · 15/12/2025 19:15

Wonder how you would feel in DBIL's shoes, if you were the one with a broken relationship and a new partner...

I would feel very uncomfortable with the person I had just started seeing, meeting family and staying at Christmas. Not everyone is the same so those types of comparisons can’t be made easily. I understand he is feeling lonely, and I understand that I feel uncomfortable with certain aspects of the proposition. I think being welcome all of Christmas Eve, most of Christmas Day and all of Boxing Day but not staying over seems to be a happy medium that DH and have agreed on.

OP posts:
Theslummymummy · 16/12/2025 14:44

Purtyburty · 15/12/2025 19:08

There have been a couple of comments like this about how it is ‘expected’ because DBIL has told us about it before Christmas Day. Attempting to be semantical as a way of disregarding my feelings isn’t really giving me food for thought, especially when my use of the word ‘unexpected’ is correct. I didn’t ‘expect’ to be hosting a stranger for 4 days over Christmas prior to this conversation with DH. And now I am presented with that idea. Dear me.

Show quote history

Lol hmm I wonder why you're getting those comments.

FenceBooksCycle · 16/12/2025 14:56

Yabu I think. If DBIL is close enough to his new romantic interest to want to spend Christmas with her, then it's appropriate to make her welcome.

My grandfather, in a very "white saviour complex" sort of way, had a "tradition" that each Christmas morning he would go out into the town between church and lunchtime and find someone (ideally in his opinion a beggar) and bring them into share the family lunch when my mother was young. My mother never had quite the courage to keep that going but always made enquiries locally and found out 1 or 2 people who had no family and invited them to join us every year while I was growing up. According to family lore, the theory behind this is that if one shares with strangers in this way, sooner or later one of the strangers at your table will turn out to be an angel.

She may turn out to be lovely. Whether or not she turns out to be lovely, being welcoming and kind to you may be as much of a blessing to you as to her.

Maddy70 · 16/12/2025 14:58

The more the merrier. It's Christmas.

roastedrapidly · 16/12/2025 18:18

this wouldn't bother me at all..the more the merrier!

Manthide · 16/12/2025 19:18

FenceBooksCycle · 16/12/2025 14:56

Yabu I think. If DBIL is close enough to his new romantic interest to want to spend Christmas with her, then it's appropriate to make her welcome.

My grandfather, in a very "white saviour complex" sort of way, had a "tradition" that each Christmas morning he would go out into the town between church and lunchtime and find someone (ideally in his opinion a beggar) and bring them into share the family lunch when my mother was young. My mother never had quite the courage to keep that going but always made enquiries locally and found out 1 or 2 people who had no family and invited them to join us every year while I was growing up. According to family lore, the theory behind this is that if one shares with strangers in this way, sooner or later one of the strangers at your table will turn out to be an angel.

She may turn out to be lovely. Whether or not she turns out to be lovely, being welcoming and kind to you may be as much of a blessing to you as to her.

Dm used to do this!

Original poster
Purtyburty · 17/12/2025 20:09

Theslummymummy · 16/12/2025 14:44

Lol hmm I wonder why you're getting those comments.

Show quote history

Not understanding basic language acquisition? Sorry I am being provocative. They did well in provoking with persnickety-ness 😂

OP posts:
Original poster
Purtyburty · 17/12/2025 20:11

FenceBooksCycle · 16/12/2025 14:56

Yabu I think. If DBIL is close enough to his new romantic interest to want to spend Christmas with her, then it's appropriate to make her welcome.

My grandfather, in a very "white saviour complex" sort of way, had a "tradition" that each Christmas morning he would go out into the town between church and lunchtime and find someone (ideally in his opinion a beggar) and bring them into share the family lunch when my mother was young. My mother never had quite the courage to keep that going but always made enquiries locally and found out 1 or 2 people who had no family and invited them to join us every year while I was growing up. According to family lore, the theory behind this is that if one shares with strangers in this way, sooner or later one of the strangers at your table will turn out to be an angel.

She may turn out to be lovely. Whether or not she turns out to be lovely, being welcoming and kind to you may be as much of a blessing to you as to her.

I think it’s a lovely idea and am very open to this but I presume this was more of a lunch and couple of hours after thing?

OP posts:
HevenlyMeS · 17/12/2025 20:15

Your comment is absolutely lovely
Thank you so much for sharing
💚🤗💚

Original poster
Purtyburty · 17/12/2025 20:24

Quick update. DH text DBIL to ask if he had made a decision yet and he replied saying he has booked a ticket to Rome so might see us in the new year. But also said he doesn’t know when he is coming back so if he decides to come back early he might come. I guess we will just wait and see - I don’t think further clarification will come 😂

OP posts:
HevenlyMeS · 17/12/2025 20:37

Awww bless you all
It's like Tales Of The Unexpected
💚🤗💚

MeridianB · 18/12/2025 08:35

Who books a one-way ticket to Rome unless you live there? Is GF from there?