Unexpected guest on Christmas Day

[Purtyburty]

Hi all I would like some feedback on this situation my DH has given me this morning. This is our first time having Christmas in our own home as we usually go off visiting different sides of the family as nobody lives in the same area. My parents are 5 hours away and DH’s parents are 2 hours away. This year we are hosting DH’s side as we have two young children under 5 and it just gets too much travelling and taking presents etc. We have asked DH’s DB to come as well because he has just come out of a 6 year relationship in the past year. DH’s parents are divorced so just MIL coming as well from 23rd-27th. DBIL has not given a definite answer where he is going but this morning my DH said DBIL said he might come and bring somebody he is seeing with him. DH has not shut it down and he said he said ‘oh really?’ and that was that. AIBU to not want this to be the case? We’ve never met her - I had to ask my husband her name even 😬 when I said I didn’t like that idea DH said im just making things difficult for him now? Thoughts?

Bloody hell. If someone posted this telling a man to assault a woman there would be an outcry. What on earth would possess someone to post something so aggressive. Surely you know it’s unacceptable snd would keep it in your head as an intrusive and unacceptable thought.

I think that unless you have a very secular Christmas celebration, you should remember Matthew 25:35, "I was a stranger, and you invited me into your home.".

It beyond obnoxious to deem people as “inhospitable” when you know nothing about their circumstances, burdens, health, finances, available space, other plans, traditions, family dynamics and other factors. Talk about gall.

Just because something wouldn’t “bother” you doesn’t mean others are inhospitable or otherwise lacking, for not going along with it.

Why?

And do you make up beds and offer four nights of lodging to them all, as well?

Depends on her situation, surely? If she has no family of her own or doesn't get along with them, it might be the best thing for her. If she would otherwise be alone, that puts BiL in a difficult situation.

IMO it’s a bit miserably Scroogey to reject a guest for Christmas Day just because you haven’t met them.

A dd once invited a male student friend who was torn between 2 divorced parents and hated having to choose, not just for the day, but to stay for a couple of nights, too. We had a very full house, but it was fine.

No, that's strange. The woman's daughter invited you. You don't then go and 'check it's OK'. Her daughter said it is so you take her at her word and she is your contact person.

This.
And not only a total stranger, but one that doesn’t celebrate Christmas anyway.

I agree.

The GF/her family don’t celebrate Christmas.

It’s not a matter of setting an extra plate at the dinner table for one meal—the request is an overnight (unknown—and let’s face it, how well does she know BIL) guest for 4 days.

Because in this case it's 4-5 days with a stranger - not a lunch guest.

and if he hadn't divorced, he would be invited alone, without his wife? Because she's a "stranger" too? 😂

It's the OP and her husband who invited the brother in the first place!

Why inviting him full stop if you hate hosting for other people - no one has too, but it's bloody rude to change your mind.

It didn’t for one second occur to me that someone would take seriously a light hearted comment from a stranger on the internet. You live and learn…

How is the XW of the BILa stranger to OP?

So your BIL is proposing to bring a very shy girlfriend whom you don’t know, and whose family don’t even celebrate Christmas. I would be massively unimpressed.

But it's not Christmas day - it's a 4-5 day visit with OP having to find a bed for the gf.

I would be fine with this, firstly i'm more the merrier but also I have been single for many years, Christmas can be lonely even when you are surrounded but lots of people. I'm guessing you H trusts his brother to bring someone who will fit in and just wants to make him happy. I can't imagine they will want to come for the whole time or that they won't want to go out on there own.

I think we should take seriously a comment about "giving a sharp slap to your partner" to strangers, and not ever accept to even pretend that domestic violence is acceptable or widespread.

No, we don't give " a sharp slap" to our girlfriend, anymore than we'd "rape" them - even as a joke.

It's not funny.

Is Christmas lonely if you don’t celebrate it? I’ve never found the 8 nights of Hanukkah lonely, seeing that I don’t celebrate it.

I am sure the brother will be ok to share a bed with his girlfriend 😂

Well I think that its obvious you don't agree with it so maybe the OP should just listen to you and not ask anyone else.

Of course not, the woman he was married to was not a stranger to his wider family. The new girlfriend literally is - the OP and her husband have never clapped eyes on this person before and didn’t even know her name until her visit was announced.

and how do you know partners if you never invite them?

MN is the weirdest place. For most people I know, friends or families, the occasion to first meet partners was birthdays, Christmas, weddings.. any family event and family holiday when the family was gathering?

But it's MN, the idea of hosting someone for a night (or dear lord, FOUR nights) is an impossible and horrible ordeal😂

If nothing else, much easier and pleasant for everybody to be in a group than an intimate dinner for 4.

I've never met anyone so unwelcoming in real life.

My thoughts too, it’s one thing to invite someone who you don’t know for the day but entirely different if they’re staying for several days.
I’d be perfectly happy for her coming for the day but not staying. It would make things very awkward I think.