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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Snotty reply from ‘friend’

160 replies

TheOpalFox · 12/12/2025 00:13

If you asked someone what there up to and they replied what do you think I’m uoto at this time.
Would you be annoyed ? That’s a snotty reply in my eyes ?

OP posts:
DaisyChain505 · 12/12/2025 16:46

TheOpalFox · 12/12/2025 16:21

Yes I didn’t mean to put this .

I didn’t reply to her

she’s always sending me really weird messages so maybe I should just cut my losses as her friend :( I’m sad

How long have you been friends?

Has she always behaved this way or have things changed?

Christmas2025 · 12/12/2025 16:57

Barrenfieldoffucks · 12/12/2025 06:50

Yes, this. I can't explain why it is so irritating.if it is literally just an opener, it's very childish perhaps.

For me it's because it soon becomes clear they don't want to talk to me, they want to talk to someone, anyone, they're just looking to be entertained or to trauma dump on someone .

Same with people you never speak to any more who call you up after a year or more. They never really want to know how you are or what's going on with your life, they're always on maternity leave or off work long term sick or their partner is away for work/in hospital and they're just bored. Having exhausted all their friends, they start calling up the rest of their contacts hoping to find someone not at work during the day or spending time with family in the evening and be entertained for a while. Afterwards you never hear from them again until the next time they're bored a few years later. It's completely pointless and a waste of my time. I cull my phone about once a year now and if I don't have any contact with someone for 18 months I delete them off my contacts list, then I'm not tempted to answer and get dragged into being used like this, which I actually find pretty hurtful. Like, I'm not good enough to stay in contact with but they'll happily use me when they're bored. No thanks.

NemoSaltatSobrius · 12/12/2025 17:03

Look - you asked a damned fool question with no context at an unreasonable time. You have to admit it's a damned fool question. If someone sent me that I wouldn't have replied at all. Ever.
I rather suspect this isn't the first time you've sent this poor person the exact same text.

MaplePumpkin · 12/12/2025 17:04

Is there any more context or back story to this?

Is it usual for you to just message a friend at 9pm asking what they’re up to? Was that just your way of starting a conversation?

Christmas2025 · 12/12/2025 17:19

YourOliveBalonz · 12/12/2025 08:53

Sorry but I disagree. This works if you meet in person where conversation needs to be made (although even in person the question ‘how are you’ or some variation of that just means hello these days). I know texting a friend isn’t a formal communication but it requires a bit more effort and structure, it’s initiating a conversation that you wouldn’t be having if you hadn’t decided to message. Going back and forth with how are you, fine how are you over messages is pointless and banal.

This.

I had a friend who was constantly using me to moan at. I decided to stop putting effort into her. So she'd text me "hi how are you?" And I'd reply "fine, thanks, how are you?" She'd say she was fine too. Then nothing! A few weeks would pass and she'd do it again. This went on for a year then I stopped replying, because it was clear there was nothing there any more.

She eventually called me to ask how I was and when I said fine, she sounded pissed off and said she'd sent me a few texts. Which she had, every few weeks "hi how are you?". I said I'd been busy and it slipped my mind, but that I didn't see much point in texting each other that every few weeks anyway. Eerie silence down the phone, so I asked if she wanted anything and she started moaning on about her latest woes, so I told her I didn't have time for a long chat, got her off the phone and blocked her number then did the same on Facebook.

A few months later I got a message from a sibling, who wasn't on my Facebook friends, didn't have the same last name as me and who my friend had never met. She'd somehow learned who they were, tracked them down and was wanting them to pass on a message asking how I was, demanding to know why she couldn't get in touch with me. Batshit!

I advised sibling to steer well clear and when they received another message asking how I was a few weeks later, they blocked her too.

Don't be the creepy demanding "friend" OP.

Christmas2025 · 12/12/2025 17:23

Netcurtainnelly · 12/12/2025 16:35

Just no.

She should be thankful shes got a friend that cares enough to text her?

Wanting to be entertained by someone is different to caring about them.

BarryBannan · 12/12/2025 17:48

Christmas2025 · 12/12/2025 16:57

For me it's because it soon becomes clear they don't want to talk to me, they want to talk to someone, anyone, they're just looking to be entertained or to trauma dump on someone .

Same with people you never speak to any more who call you up after a year or more. They never really want to know how you are or what's going on with your life, they're always on maternity leave or off work long term sick or their partner is away for work/in hospital and they're just bored. Having exhausted all their friends, they start calling up the rest of their contacts hoping to find someone not at work during the day or spending time with family in the evening and be entertained for a while. Afterwards you never hear from them again until the next time they're bored a few years later. It's completely pointless and a waste of my time. I cull my phone about once a year now and if I don't have any contact with someone for 18 months I delete them off my contacts list, then I'm not tempted to answer and get dragged into being used like this, which I actually find pretty hurtful. Like, I'm not good enough to stay in contact with but they'll happily use me when they're bored. No thanks.

Brilliant post.

ChuckleClass · 12/12/2025 17:55

TheOpalFox · 12/12/2025 16:21

Yes I didn’t mean to put this .

I didn’t reply to her

she’s always sending me really weird messages so maybe I should just cut my losses as her friend :( I’m sad

What sort of weird messages?
What's your frienship with her generally like?
Why are you sad to cut her off? Is she a good friend then?

Flibberteegibbet · 12/12/2025 18:25

I sometimes think I’m in a parallel universe on these threads. My closest friends and I text any time between 05:30 (rarely on my part!) and 23:00 - some of us are early birds, others are definitely not. Sometimes it’s literally just saying morning, other times we might just ask what each other is doing or where we are. My closest friend and I don’t live close by each other unfortunately but communicate several times a day, nearly every day of the week. Sometimes our replies are a one word answer, other times it’s like war and peace or we don’t reply for hours, it depends what we’re doing but I can’t remember in 20+ years ever taking offence at short replies or no replies at all.

I find all these responses about the OP being out of order for sending that message very strange 🤯

Ceriane · 12/12/2025 18:34

To be honest I hate being asked what are you up to at random times, I had a friend who used to do this a lot and if I saw the message my stress levels would go up because it normally meant she wanted something and expected me to drop everything, so I always felt it was invasive and made me feel like I was put on the spot.

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