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Original poster

Snotty reply from ‘friend’

160 replies

TheOpalFox · 12/12/2025 00:13

If you asked someone what there up to and they replied what do you think I’m uoto at this time.
Would you be annoyed ? That’s a snotty reply in my eyes ?

OP posts:
Squirrelsnut · 12/12/2025 09:39

It's a bit churlish.

Nancylancy · 12/12/2025 09:43

On the surface it sounds rude, but more context is needed.
How close are you?
What ran up to the text - had you been asking how they are, or having a chat or did you just lead with that?
Do they usually stay in on an evening or go to bed early?
Do you usually text asking what they are up to? If so how do they usually reply?
Could you have woken them up? Are they annoyed that you ask this a lot?

My gut would be that the person found your text annoying because you should already know what they are doing at 9pm at night, and you either woke them up or you are asking a silly question.

Only you know your friend though!

TeaBiscuitsNaptime · 12/12/2025 09:44

It sounds like she had got herself all stressy trying to do something and she thought that you would notice. Not your fault whatsoever. I dont think it's personal. You could empathise with her or if you're in the position, you could ask her if she wants some help or a cuppa! Otherwise just give her some space!

Paganpentacle · 12/12/2025 09:48

ScaredOfFlying · 12/12/2025 00:51

what were you trying to achieve by sending the message? It’s a really lazy way to communicate- makes the other person feel obliged to write a coherent response but you haven’t offered a single bit of info about yourself or said what it is you want to talk about. I’d send you a snotty reply too.

I'd probably not arse myself to answer...

Catladywithoutacat · 12/12/2025 09:49

That’s rude and unnecessary

LucyMonth · 12/12/2025 09:52

Alondra · 12/12/2025 06:12

It's not weird. I often text friends saying "what you're up to" or "how are you? I don't expect an immediate answer, it's a simple way to keep in touch by letting them know I'm thinking of them. Nothing more.

People have busy lives but being rude when a friend is trying to keep the friendship connection alive, is plain discourteous and bad mannered.

Edited
Show quote history

There is a big difference between…”Hey how are you? What have you been up to recently? Did you go to that thing you told me about last time we got together?” and…

”What you up to?”

BauhausOfEliott · 12/12/2025 09:54

If your messages to your friends are anything like the way you’re communicating on this thread, my guess is that conversing with you by text is hard work.

If someone just messaged me “What are you up to” with no context or reason I would think “Why?” and be mildly irritated. If you try to start a conversation like that you’re basically indicating that you haven’t really got anything to say for yourself, but you’re bored and are expecting the other person to do all the conversational work to entertain you. It’s small talk by text and feels awkward and irritating to a lot of people.

Ellie1015 · 12/12/2025 09:54

Bit of a weird message for you to send too. Not really how my friends and I catch up or speak to each other. Might ask "how are you?" Or "what have you been up to?" Followed by some chit chat about what I have been up to. Asking wjat you are doing right now is weird. Sounds like you seen her out and are questioning it.

LoyalMember · 12/12/2025 09:59

TheOpalFox · 12/12/2025 00:13

If you asked someone what there up to and they replied what do you think I’m uoto at this time.
Would you be annoyed ? That’s a snotty reply in my eyes ?

Yes, it's a bit wanky. Absolutely no need to reply in a tone like that. I'd be annoyed.

TittyGajillions · 12/12/2025 10:04

Do you text like you're replying here because that would be really annoying. Maybe work on your communication style!

once1caughtafishalive · 12/12/2025 10:05

This is the kind of thing you'd ask your friend at aged 12.

Id find this so weird if a friend messaged me this now, kind of intrusive and expectd you to answer immediately. Nuanced, but very different from "How are you doing?"

I too, would feel annoyed if I received a message like this.

Bamfram · 12/12/2025 10:06

"What are you up to?" is the sort of text I might get before a "do you have time for a chat?" text from a friend.

Similar to "how's things?" "hows tricks?".....definitely the language of close friends.

MadTurkey · 12/12/2025 10:09

Well, you have t given any context other than the time, so it needs to be not be rude at all. It could mean ‘That’s a weird question’, ‘I’m doing the thing you will know perfectly well I do every Thursday night at 9 (drinking red wine, just after a Zumba class, seeing my FWB, whatever), or ‘I’m in bed because it was a shit day’. Or any number of other things.

JustSawJohnny · 12/12/2025 10:12

I'd just back off.

I wouldn't bother messaging her and wait for her to make contact. How she does so would affect my response.

There really is no excuse for such rudeness. Even if you had (foolishly, IMO) messaged post midnight (which you didn't) and she had kids (she doesn't) and she had been asleep, she could have ignored the message and turned her notifications off or, if determined to reply, just said 'In bed, mate'.

Done.

Just no need for the snark, especially when there's little uniformity in what everyone is doing at 9pm.

Especially now I'm a Celeb has finished 😁

I do agree that it's a bit of a pointless question, though. Most nights my answer would be 'Errrrrr, filling the dishwasher' or similar.

Hardly engaging, interaction wise, and likely to make the recipient feel a tad shit about their boring-ass life, if they're anything like me!

Are you messaging that a lot? Maybe friend had reached a bit of a small-talk saturation point?

Depends on your relationship with the mate in question, I guess. I wouldn't open dialogue with that but if I did I expect I'd likely get back a 'Trying to get these kids to fuck off to bed so I can have some wines. The feckers are doing my head in!' 😆

purplecorkheart · 12/12/2025 10:17

To be honest it was a weird question. Were you asking what she was doing at that exact moment or were you asking what she was up to in general?

If she took your question as general I can understand the reply ie getting ready for Christmas, busy with end of year at work etc.

MadTurkey · 12/12/2025 10:23

purplecorkheart · 12/12/2025 10:17

To be honest it was a weird question. Were you asking what she was doing at that exact moment or were you asking what she was up to in general?

If she took your question as general I can understand the reply ie getting ready for Christmas, busy with end of year at work etc.

Yes, this may be some kind of cultural difference. A significant proportion of Mners think it’s normal and a sign of being a good friend to send ‘checking-in’ messages periodically, but I’d find an otherwise contentless text asking what I was up to quite weird. If I were checking in on someone I’d probably say what had been going on for me, ask about how something in their life had gone since we’d last spoken, and suggest a time to talk on the phone or a drink or something.

chaosmaker · 12/12/2025 10:30

@TheOpalFox maybe they only replied because if they didn't you would continue to send meaningless texts to them.

ThomasinaHardy · 12/12/2025 10:33

Have you replied to her?

If not, I wouldn't. There is no need to be so rude and it is appalling that so many posters think rudeness is acceptable. No wonder we are sinking into a the grubby mire.

Let her contact you and if she doesn't-well, much loss.

BarryBannan · 12/12/2025 10:45

I'd find receiving a text saying what are you up to utterly pointless.

JudgeJ · 12/12/2025 10:46

TheOpalFox · 12/12/2025 00:13

If you asked someone what there up to and they replied what do you think I’m uoto at this time.
Would you be annoyed ? That’s a snotty reply in my eyes ?

You asked a question and your friend asked the same question back, why is the reply deemed 'snotty' but your question isn't?

Eyeshadow · 12/12/2025 10:47

Yes it’s a rude response unless you knew that she was out doing something specific.

Me and my friends always ask the other what we’re up to.
It’s just a conversation starter and to gauge whether they’re free to chat or not.

She sounds like a twat.

Ginburee · 12/12/2025 10:47

It was a rude answer but also none of your effing buisness.
I wouldnt repond at all to that as its nosy and intrusive.

Eyeshadow · 12/12/2025 10:48

How old are you OP?

I am wondering if the posters who think you were rude or intrusive are much older, as this is a standard message amongst my age group and younger.

Goinghome2late · 12/12/2025 10:48

If she is a friend I would just laugh and guess something ridiculous, if she is not then ask her? what? what are you doing? with some stupid emojis.

Eyeshadow · 12/12/2025 10:51

LucyMonth · 12/12/2025 09:52

There is a big difference between…”Hey how are you? What have you been up to recently? Did you go to that thing you told me about last time we got together?” and…

”What you up to?”

Show quote history

But presumably they had spoken recently which is why she didn’t ask what she’d/he’d been up to.

Or they do this if they’re going to ring each other to make sure the other one is free first.