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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Snotty reply from ‘friend’

160 replies

TheOpalFox · 12/12/2025 00:13

If you asked someone what there up to and they replied what do you think I’m uoto at this time.
Would you be annoyed ? That’s a snotty reply in my eyes ?

OP posts:
sandyhappypeople · 12/12/2025 08:38

I would assume that she had plans that she had told you about and you've clearly forgot, rather than her just being rude for the sake of it.

It may be my age, but I'd hate an open text like that though, as it implies you want an immediate answer/engagement from her.. I much prefer a more casual text style that can be replied to when I'm free.

5128gap · 12/12/2025 08:42

Lots of variables. Is that the usual type of message you send her? At that time? Is it a long standing relationship with someone you're confident with? Does she text 'accurately', in terms of expression or is she a bit slapdash (as in she could have forgotten the emoji that makes it a joke)?
Messages always have to be taken in the context of what you know of a person.
I'd have replied "Yeah, silly question! Hope all well with you".

Imdunfer · 12/12/2025 08:42

TheOpalFox · 12/12/2025 00:13

If you asked someone what there up to and they replied what do you think I’m uoto at this time.
Would you be annoyed ? That’s a snotty reply in my eyes ?

My first reaction would have been to wonder if I'd been a twat and forgotten something that she'd told me she would be doing at 9pm every day. Like sitting down with a glass of wine after getting the kids settled.

Alternatively, if you routinely start conversations that way, offering her nothing of yourself but expecting entertainment from her telling you about herself, then she may just be pissed off with that.

I had a friend who would routinely start conversations with "What do you know, Imdunfer?" God that was annoying!

Onelifeonly · 12/12/2025 08:43

I wouldn't have answered rudely but if busy, I wouldn't have responded to such a message, at least not immediately. It's a pointless question. What do you want them to say: having a wee, watching TV, eating crisps or whatever?

When I message a friend I either give them a bit of news, ask about something I know is going on in their life or suggest meeting. That then leads to a bit of conversation - though not necessarily immediately.

While there was no need for rudeness from your friend, I don't think your communication was great op...

thatsgotit · 12/12/2025 08:44

Icanflyhigh · 12/12/2025 00:18

If you sent that in the last 20 mins, even the last hour, you'd have got the same reply from me!
It's late, they're in bed trying to sleep!

Blimey, some of these responses. I take it people do realise notifications can be snoozed? And, come to that, that volume can be muted, and phones even turned off altogether if a person doesn't want disturbing? Radical!

Oh, and 'what are you up to?' is a fairly common opening gambit these days between friends chatting.

OneCleverPinkFawn · 12/12/2025 08:46

That was unnecessarily rude from her, 9pm isn't that late imo and it really depends on how your chats usually look. If there is nothing unusual, then that's a really rude reply.

YourOliveBalonz · 12/12/2025 08:53

NineteenSeventies · 12/12/2025 07:41

I don't see that as forcing conversational effort. It's a polite conversational opener, the expectation isn't that you give a detailed answer to 'how are you?' although if it's a close friend in whom you'd normally confide issues, it's valid to reply that things aren't going well if that's the case. Otherwise, the expected response is along the lines of 'I'm well thanks, and you?'

Show quote history

Sorry but I disagree. This works if you meet in person where conversation needs to be made (although even in person the question ‘how are you’ or some variation of that just means hello these days). I know texting a friend isn’t a formal communication but it requires a bit more effort and structure, it’s initiating a conversation that you wouldn’t be having if you hadn’t decided to message. Going back and forth with how are you, fine how are you over messages is pointless and banal.

Goditsmemargaret · 12/12/2025 09:04

Well are they snotty in general? I would have sent that reply in an excited tone as I wanted to tell you some news.

GAJLY · 12/12/2025 09:07

I'd honestly find it odd if you texted me late at night asking that question. I thin I'd reply, what do you think too?! As in I'm in my pyjamas and getting kids to bed! In the day time would be different. Perhaps you could change the question to, hi, how are you? For a better response.

ComfortFoodCafe · 12/12/2025 09:09

At 9pm i would imagine they are unwinding for bed, yabu.

GiveafuckGertrude · 12/12/2025 09:10

ScaredOfFlying · 12/12/2025 00:51

what were you trying to achieve by sending the message? It’s a really lazy way to communicate- makes the other person feel obliged to write a coherent response but you haven’t offered a single bit of info about yourself or said what it is you want to talk about. I’d send you a snotty reply too.

Yeah, I really dislike a ‘what are you up to’ message too. At 9pm if you’re at home surely there is no interesting answer? Do you really want to know that I’m on the sofa watching TV, or mopping?

Bamfram · 12/12/2025 09:18

Very rude.
Wouldn't text her again.

PartiallyStars · 12/12/2025 09:19

If someone texted me "what are you up to" at 9pm on a weekday I would think they were insane. The only time I would expect "what are you up to" is if the texter was then going to say "because if you're not doing much I could pop over" or "I'm in town at the moment, want to grab a coffee"?

PartiallyStars · 12/12/2025 09:24

Actually the more I think about it the more annoying I think "what are you up to" sent at that time is. I can well imagine thinking that answering "not much", which would be the case, would be the cue for them to launch into a full blown conversation, which I wouldn't want. I would probably ignore it andf not reply at all until the next day.

CraftyPlayer · 12/12/2025 09:25

Rude. I wouldn’t bother messaging her again.

Smiless · 12/12/2025 09:26

QuickPeachPoet · 12/12/2025 01:04

Absolutely shit excuse for being rude.
If she doesn't want to be nice, she can just not reply. OP would have got the message that she doesn't want to talk.
And calling her 'mama' to make it sound cute does not make it any better. Reproducing does not give you a green light to be a twat.

Edited
Show quote history

Of course you are right @QuickPeachPoet but OP asked for opinions so we're all just fielding suggestions.

SleepingStandingUp · 12/12/2025 09:28

it depends on the fitness. you're inferring tone.

if I text my mate that and got that reply I'd probably reply "omg did you just stop having sex to read my text??" or similar jokey reply. I wouldn't assume any of my friends would be sending it in an arsey tone

Thepeopleversuswork · 12/12/2025 09:29

Yes its rude but more background is needed: how well do you know this person, what is going on in their life at the moment, whats your relationship with them like at the moment?

Messaging a close friend who you speak to a lot to say: “What are you up to?” is fairly benign and I would respond in kind.

If someone I don’t know messaged me out of the blue with that I would find it odd and a tiny bit lame. Is that really the most interesting thing you can say and does it merit them dropping whatever they are doing to formulate a response? Probably not.

I would have let it go, personally, but would probably have been mildly irritated by it. Unless you live in one another’s pockets.

SleepingStandingUp · 12/12/2025 09:32

SouthernNights59 · 12/12/2025 04:47

I sometimes wonder if many some MNers actually live in the real world! I have friends who would give that response and I've never found it rude or disrespectful. Just chill out.

this.

posters replies blow my mind.

"it's accusatory" , "I'd never text her again" etc.

how do some of you have actual deep real friendships in the real world?

clarrylove · 12/12/2025 09:33

Could be and in joke or a humourous way to encourage chat? Is that the time she cracks open a bottle of wine and slumps on the sofa with a bag of crisps? 😄

Reply with something witty and see what she says. 'Knowing you, you'll be legless at some Xmas party or other by now! 😛'

Thepeopleversuswork · 12/12/2025 09:35

SleepingStandingUp · 12/12/2025 09:32

this.

posters replies blow my mind.

"it's accusatory" , "I'd never text her again" etc.

how do some of you have actual deep real friendships in the real world?

Show quote history

It is astonishing how much people overthink stuff like this and the collateral damage this sort of drama has on friendships.

TeatimeForTheSoul · 12/12/2025 09:35

Is this out of character for the friend?
If so, stop over-thinking, apologise for possibly disturbing them, and ask if they’re ok.

shhblackbag · 12/12/2025 09:36

Tighteningmybelt · 12/12/2025 07:48

You literally just messaged her ‘what are you up to?’

What did you want her for?

This. I wouldn't even have answered.

Delatron · 12/12/2025 09:38

PartiallyStars · 12/12/2025 09:24

Actually the more I think about it the more annoying I think "what are you up to" sent at that time is. I can well imagine thinking that answering "not much", which would be the case, would be the cue for them to launch into a full blown conversation, which I wouldn't want. I would probably ignore it andf not reply at all until the next day.

I agree. It’s such an annoying text and I would be pissed off to receive it at that time of night. I’d think ‘what do you want?’ I’d either ignore it )most likely) but I don’t think your friend was out of order. It’s a fair enough response to an annoying text.

thecatneuterer · 12/12/2025 09:38

ChampagneJen · 12/12/2025 00:53

There’s clearly more to this story, though it’s probably not a page-turner…

Brilliant 😂. I'm going to steal that.