Husband building up resentment

[Jamans]

I hired a decorator recommended by someone I know. My husband wasn't keen on him and wanted someone else but I went with my friend's recommendation.
It turned out to be a disaster; the final cost was double our estimate as we had to get someone in to fix the mess.
We've taken a big financially hit and it's set us back.

However my husband is seething. He won't initiate conversation with me and tends to avoid me as much as possible. I don't know what to do. I've apologised. He's taken no interest in the house or our finances.
Ive apologised and there isn't much more I can do.
i think he needs to come to terms with what's happend so we can move on.

It says DH wasn’t keen on him - likely because of bad reviews or because of shoddy job he’s done previously.
Or maybe like every other person has agreed on this thread that the workman sounded dodgy and therefore you’d not use him.

If it’s such a minefield then you would get several quotes - which DH had booked into to do.

But no OP needed it done straight away and didn’t care about her DHs opinion.

I admire OP for her honesty but he has every reason to sulk after being financially ruined by OPs recklessness.

Your husband was right to want quotes. You've been very bull headed.

Absolutely. This idea that if someone says sorry you must immediately get over it even if it’s a £15 bloody k mistake is mind boggling! If my DH did this to me, I would be so thoroughly and profusely apologetic and give him time to get over it. He would, because he’s a good man and accepts that people make mistakes, but no man is a saint and he would need time and my reassurances that nothing like this would ever happen again. I suspect the biggest barrier to forgiveness here is her attitude to it all. Quite frankly, if she has past form for this type of behaviour and has now managed to clear out their savings she would be on shaky ground if I were her DH.

Sulking is a major major flaw in anyone's character. I wouldn't put up with it for one minute. I don't blame him for being angry, she's been a twat. She has now learned that a tradesman who says he can start immediately, offering a less than 'extortionate' price is to be avoided.
I should point out that I come from a very large family of tradesman & women & would take their recommendation over anything but I wouldn't expect any of them to be able to start straightaway. If you're any good, you've got 18 months of work in front of you!

He may actually not be sulking. He may be planning to leave, ill with stress, simply does not know how to cope with the situation, totally over dealing with someone who seems to have no common sense whatsoever, or any combination of the above.

OP you sound bloody useless. I’d be fuming with you too. You’ve spent all your (DH’s?) hard earned money. Actually I’d feel completely deflated and think what’s the point. As he is. You’ve absolutely wasted that money. Poor DH.

This is definitely on you. Even if he was recommended, did you go and look at his work?
To have to cash in your ISA’s shows how irresponsible you were not to discuss it further before going ahead. Surely you knew what his reaction might have been?

Yes, you could well be right. The story has moved on considerably since I posted that!

What??!! OMG I’m not surprised at your husband’s reaction. Good grief.

How do you define sulking though.

If this was me I would need space and time to figure out whether I want to continue with the relationship or not.

Obviously it depends on how long it’s been and if it’s been months then DH needs to decide one way or another if he forgives her or not.
But if it’s only been a couple of weeks then he has every right to still be upset.

The complete disregard of my opinion would be more upsetting to me than even losing all of that money (although that is awful).

Depends on whether you have a pattern of overlooking his opinions and insisting on having your own way. If this is an ongoing issue crystallised by a financial hit, I'd be on his side.

In the name Odin's cock....how much!

What was the original quote?

I'm guessing you are an argumentative woman.

Totally with DH on this one - I would be so pissed off with you. Especially if I had people lined up for quotes and you completely ignored me. I would feel sick at £15k being wasted - poor man!

Is my right to be sulky. You don't like it, there is the door, is ok.

This can’t be real

£15k for a painter??!!!

you can get a new kitchen for that

Is refreshing to see someone disagreeing so respectfully and giving valid reasons not silly one liners. I see what you say, but you have to understand that people are different. Some like to shout it out, some like to retreat in their shell. It has to do with background and past experiences. My house was shouty and full of emotions so we like to shout it out. But i know people that grew in household lacking warmth and emotions and learn to deal with things by internalising their emotion. There is no good way or bad way, we are just different. You can not tell anyone how to grieve and you can not yell anyone how to feel or how to process feelings. I strongly feel this but I respect and understand your point as well.

I doubt it was painting only. For me decorating is a lick of paint but maybe there were significant changes like flooring, windows/doors, kitchen cabinets or bathroom. Otherwise how can you pay extra 15k on painting? Fuck me if i messed up that bad i would take time off and redo it myself instead pf spending more money. I think with these money (the whole 30k) if you stretch it a bot you could build an extension. It would be good for the OP to come back to see what the decorating involved but I strongly beelieve we scared her off.

Actually, on reflection, I consider the OP’s behaviour grounds for divorce.

I would struggle to move on from my husband ignoring my wishes which resulted in an extra £15000 pounds!!

That is ridiculous. If the work was so bad why have not claimed money back / why did you pay?

It is sensible to get more quotes regardless of recommendations or not.

Yes you have apologised but that’s not something to just move on from. Are you just apologising to move on? Do you regularly ignore his requests and just di what you want?

I would be annoyed with you too. £15k is a lot just for decorating and if he expressed reservations and had other people lined up to quote and you overrode him and just went with this scammer then you were foolish. You don’t say when this happened but I think you need to allow him some time to get over it. I personally wouldn’t trust you with decisions going forward at all.

Why does he have to grow up?

Sorry of this has been answered, OP, but when this happened?
Was a couple of weeks ago, months?
With all the money and your insistence of moving on added to him taking sick days I think he is crearly rethinking all the relationship. If this happen months ago he should have move on naturaly.
Tbh we don't know the day to day on your life but by your post I would be very pissed off if I were him. I wouldn't want someone who has made a big mistake annoying me to move on and I probably would be thinking is living like this what I like for my future.

The amount of idiots who seek to make the man the villain in any situation on this site never fails to annoy me.
He had quotes lined up, she barrelled ahead anyway, and they're 15K in the hole. It's affected him to the point he's had to take sick days, so his mental health has suffered.
But he's childish, sulking and needs to grow up? Anyone who's said that on here need to fuck off.

Honestly, it doesn't sound like sulking to me, it sounds like depression.