Husband building up resentment

[Jamans]

I hired a decorator recommended by someone I know. My husband wasn't keen on him and wanted someone else but I went with my friend's recommendation.
It turned out to be a disaster; the final cost was double our estimate as we had to get someone in to fix the mess.
We've taken a big financially hit and it's set us back.

However my husband is seething. He won't initiate conversation with me and tends to avoid me as much as possible. I don't know what to do. I've apologised. He's taken no interest in the house or our finances.
Ive apologised and there isn't much more I can do.
i think he needs to come to terms with what's happend so we can move on.

No, she has free will. Let's not start blaming the tradesman.

Of course I can tell the difference. I'm not a fool. My comment stands nonetheless.

I dont think op is coming back.

Always the men in the wrong as per comments but people forget to remind you that this is a Joint decision and when one chooses to go with their own, it's never a good idea.

This was the biggest mistake as far as such things go and I hate to say it, if this was him doing what you did, responses would have been different.

And not financial abuse towards him when you spent shared finances on your own decisions?

Did you miss where she said she wanted different quotes? and OP just chose the first person and whatever cost it came with?

This is not how things work and joint finances need joint decisions.

Men hating is tolerated way too much even when the men on the topic are not in the wrong

I just panicked and thought I had to agree right there and then. It was a mistake on my part.

OP - is this your first time using tradesman? they all tell you or make you feel like they are overly booked, it's a skill they hold so you think they are very good and you need to hire them right away

So you fell for the biggest con in the book, cause panic for fear of missing out. No wonder your partner is upset, I thought every adult knew if they put pressure on, you immediately back off.

Oh well, what is done is done, but now you've got try and do damage control. I don't know if anyone else has suggested this but I think you should take the first guy to small claims court to claw back from him any money you can, especially to cover paying the new guy for fixing his mess. If you do this, you can hopefully put some money back in your bank and you can show your partner you are taking your mistake seriously and trying to fix it.

So you're moving back from the "wanted to get it done quickly" and "it was the only personal reccommendation" justifications? It's almost not your fault is it?
Might I suggest that if you are so inept at negotiating with tradespeople then you leave it to your husband in the future?

Please don't quote me if all you have are silly insults. This is a discussion board not a playground. Being notified you've been quoted, only to come back because someone seeks to insult rather than discuss is irritating and a waste of time.

I'm with him. He was doing everything the right way, the adult way. And he asked you not to go with the bloke that someone you know said was good and who was telling you that if you didn't decide by Friday he'd take anotheir job.

And you thought, "No, I want it done now. Fuck him. What's he going to do?"

And then it all went wrong and cost a fortune that ate into his ISA.

What was your question again?

I know, I should know better 🫣

I'll quote who I like, thanks. Your quotations of my posts didn't offer any substantive discussion either. Let's drop it now.

How much did this cost? It sounds like 10s of thousands.

Why did you pay the first decorator if he was that bad? Can you take him to small claims court? Did he actually cause damage to your home or did you just not like the wallpaper, paint,, etc

As for your husband, you still haven't told us how long ago this happened. If it was fairly recently, all you can do is apologise and give him some space to calm down. If it was months ago, I would suggest couples counselling.

It ended up costing us £15k more.

bloody hell so 15 k MORE and what was the actual cost you agreed to???? I mean unless you are really minted that's a deal breaker!

When did this happen @Jamans ? Days ago or weeks?

FFS! thats a bit of a drip feed...

Thats a huge amount of money.

I think i would have to consider my relationship if my partner done something which cost that much.

yes. The normal process is to keep looking until you find someone you both agree on and go with them

TBH he is being childish, but maybe he just feels that you went against him on this and he doesn't really know how to address it without making things worse. Have you really deeply and honestly apologised enough? or are you minimising because you know you were wrong but have entrenched yourself in a position?

Learn and move on.

How can decorating cost an extra £15k to fix.

How much in total was spent? And what proportion of annual household income is it.

What's the plan for replenishing the savings?

15k? How is that possible?
If it's that costly, why wouldn't you want to both be on board before starting?

Jesus OP. No wonder he's pissed off.