Husband building up resentment

[Jamans]

I hired a decorator recommended by someone I know. My husband wasn't keen on him and wanted someone else but I went with my friend's recommendation.
It turned out to be a disaster; the final cost was double our estimate as we had to get someone in to fix the mess.
We've taken a big financially hit and it's set us back.

However my husband is seething. He won't initiate conversation with me and tends to avoid me as much as possible. I don't know what to do. I've apologised. He's taken no interest in the house or our finances.
Ive apologised and there isn't much more I can do.
i think he needs to come to terms with what's happend so we can move on.

100% agree

Even though it's cost a total of £30k?

I’m with your husband. I suspect you put a message on facebook and a mere acquaintance made a recommendation. Tbh if my husband did what you did, I’d be considering divorce.

Everyone knows you get quotes first. That way, you give out the ‘take it or leave it’ vibes which puts off the conmen. Also, you get to suss their clothing, manner, accent, transport - to judge whether they’re trustworthy types. Absolutely right that your husband would want to be there for it. NO ONE says ‘I’d like it done quickly’ to a tradie.

Do you live in some kind of mansion? Who spends 15k on decoration anyway? You ended up spending 30k. Wow. I’d be offering to pay the 15k back out of my own pension and also promising never to make rash, massive decisions unilaterally ever again.

The word 'sulking' is such a loaded word, used to convey emotional immaturity, petulant or controlling behaviour. It immediately frames the OPs husband as the villain. Maybe 'pissed off' would be a more apt and justified description?

So how is he allowed to express the anger that you begrudgingly allow him to feel and for how long? One good shout and then he needs to be over it and get back to work to re-earn all that wasted money?

I would imagine his feelings are negative and all over the place atm. Withdrawing and keeping quiet whilst he sorts them out really isn't that bad.

15k? Christ on a bike. Do you live at Chatsworth? Was the paper and paint from Harrods?

I would divorce someone for this. You wiped out the family savings. Do you have young children?

I wonder how long it took to earn that money? How many hours of your lives? Time away from family, time spent with stress not relaxation?

Your husband is so affected by this he has taken time off work. You seem incredibly flippant and you’re downplaying this massively even on this thread.

If you cause this much devastation just because you were in a hurry to make the house look nice for a birthday party, what else are you capable of??

This. OP you are so unreasonable and seem to have no concept of the level of distress you have caused your DH.

One question is why it cost so much to put right. If it was decorating then could they not have lived with it until they had the funds to redo it? In which case, the op's husband bears some of the responsibility.

I suspect it was more than just decorating. New kitchen perhaps

Even then unless it was dangerous or wildly impractical then there's no reason they couldn't have changed it when funds allowed. I note that op specifically hasn't mentioned repairs at any point which would suggest it's all to do with appearance.

its possible that A) it was stuff that needed fixing....plumbing, electrics, building work or B) he didn't get a choice about that either and the poster just dived into the savings and did it....she speaks as though the second might be true but maybe both.