Newborn circumcision

[Mumtobe2025x3]

Hi all,
my son is five weeks old. My husband is Muslim and I’m COE. When we were pregnant we had discussed having my son circumcised when he was a couple of weeks old due to my husband’s religious beliefs, which I agreed to.

Of course marrying a Muslim man I knew of what came with it when it came to having children etc. we have discussed our sons upbringing and he will be taught both cultures, religions and celebration Christmas and Eid etc. my husband is quite westernised so he’s not exactly a strict Muslim.

I suffered quite bad baby blues and when it came to discussing the circumcision at around 10 days old I lost it and said that I couldn’t deal with it right now and my husband said not to worry now and we will revisit at a later date.

I thought i was ok with my son being circumcised but now he’s here I’m actually not. It’s been brought up again today and it’s not helping that my husbands pushy family keep asking about when it’s happening. I’m really not ready for this. We’re already having issues with his family calling my son by a different name because they don’t like the name we’ve chosen as it’s not an Arabic name!

I’ve told my husband I’m not ready yet and he accepts this, I can tell it bothers him.

Am I being unreasonable about this? Obviously I know what I married into, but as his mother and he’s here, it now doesn’t feel right to put him through a procedure that’s totally unnecessary as he’s not a medical issue.

I agree with you. Dh was circumcised in similar circumstances and he resents his mother for not standing up to his dad.

It's an unnecessary procedure, which has no reason to be (at least at this point).

Your ds can always decide to get himself circumcised as an adult, but it can't be reversed.

No you aren’t being unreasonable. I disagree with circumcising anybody unless they medically require it. It’s cruel and unnecessary!

It’s just so bizarre that you are being harassed by everyone to cut off a part of your healthy baby’s body. Yanbu at all- it’s so wrong.

Yanbu. This is one to really stand your ground on. It’s a barbaric practice.

It’s a disgusting thing to do, you need to put your foot down and tell your husband and his family that you will not allow anyone to cut bits off your child for no reason.

Boys should only be circumcised if they have phimosis. The UK should ban circumcision on healthy baby boys.

There is no need to put your baby through an unnecessary procedure. Circumcision is not one of the basic conditions in Islam. Yes it's more common in the community like the Jewish but it does not have to be done at all.

He can choose to be circumcised as an adult if he so desires, unless medically necessary it shouldn’t be allowed on children, whatever culture demands

I am muslim and pro-circumcision. Both my sons have been circumcised, however I would be upset by the total disregard of my views and beliefs if I didn’t agree with my child being circumcised. I understand why they are suggesting it being done earlier than later as the younger they are the less traumatic and the easier the recovery but if it’s not something you want doing at all then that should be a discussion between you and your husband. They have no right to interfere or push you into something you’re uncomfortable with. Also islamically your child need not have an Arabic name- simply a name with good meaning therefore they are incorrect. In fact, they are sinning by not calling your child by his given name! I suspect they are very cultural rather than actually religious.

Yes you married a Muslim but equally your husband married a Christian. His beliefs don’t trump yours. It’s understandable to be ok with these things maybe when it all feels a bit hypothetical but the reality is different now baby is here and your mothers instinct is to not put him through unnecessary pain.

You need to tell your husband that you don’t want it done at all so he can process and move on rather than letting him think you just need more time.

NO is a complete answer, but you need to be very firm and clear about this, not be wishy-washy or give a 'maybe' answer that suggests you'll be open to reconsidering this in another few weeks. You can simply say, "Now that he's been born, I've reconsidered my stance on circumcision and I don't want to do unless it's medically necessary. Cultural or religious reasons are not enough for me to put him through a painful medical procedure he does not need. If he wants to do it when he's older, I'll respect his choice, but until he can decide for himself, the answer is NO and I will not be revisiting this." Then make sure that it's explicitly written into your son's medical records that you don't do not give your consent for this procedure, in case your husband or his family should decide to do something drastic.

That sounds very hard to deal with especially at a time when your emotions are all over the place. You are allowed to change your mind, you are allowed to be uncomfortable about anything to do with your son, you are allowed to ask for time to think.
You might find it useful to do a bit of research into pros and cons, not to make you change your mind but to help you argue your case. If there is a good medical reason for things that is one thing, religious convention not so much.
You say you had agreed to bring him up to know and understand both faiths but it doesn’t sound as if you are either of you particularly devout so do not need to do things just to please the church or your in laws.

Why on earth did you get into this situation . Who in their right mind would mutilate a baby . Poor child .

Just be honest and tell your dh this isn’t going to be happening at all as you’ve changed your mind. Also talk to your Health Visitor, tell them your in laws are pressuring you over this. Where would this be done anyway? In my area no qualified Dr will do this unless for medical reasons, none of the private hospitals will offer it.

I don't agree with circumcision but, to be fair, OP had indicated she was on board and I don't think her DH's family are aware of her change in heart and are just wanting to know when it is.

Please don’t let anyone cut a piece off your baby.

Over my dead body would anyone mutilate my baby

YANBU. Stand up for your son and do not allow this barbaric thing to happen.

Yanbu. Mutilating a baby's genitals without good medical reason is abhorrent.

There are some religious practices that are abhorrent, such as circumcision and FGM. Do not let your husband force you into needlessly subjecting your baby to this unnecessary procedure.
If his family keep using the wrong name for your baby, tell them to bugger off and don’t let them see him!

YANBU. There is no religious imperative for a Muslim boy to be circumcised as an infant. It's fine to wait until he's old enough to choose for himself.

I reckon if he's old enough to choose to get a tattoo then he's old enough to choose to have his foreskin removed, but there's precedent in children consenting to procedures at a younger age if medical staff feel that they're competent. The key is that it's his body, not yours or your husband's or his family's or the wider community's.

When you and your husband married, you both have to accept different cultural and religious practices, and the need to be accepting/flexible. However, agreeing to the removal of an important part of your baby's body is not something anyone should reasonably expect you to agree to!

You should both agree that your son can decide for himself when he's 18. That's the type of flexibility/acceptance needed here.

Although not anti circumcision he’s almost too old. Best done much earlier.

Not unreasonable and stick to your guns. This really is something you should have worked out before you had children though. I’m Jewish and obviously circumcision is traditional in most forms of Judaism. It’s something Dh (atheist, not raised Jewish) and I were made to discuss as part of our premarital counselling by our marriage officiant. She asked us to decide how we’d handle it and it became really clear that neither of us were comfortable with it. Our ds is not circumcised.

Don't back down. It's an awful practice that needs stamping out. Religion is no excuse and his cultural beliefs aren't more important than yours.