Newborn circumcision

[Mumtobe2025x3]

Hi all,
my son is five weeks old. My husband is Muslim and I’m COE. When we were pregnant we had discussed having my son circumcised when he was a couple of weeks old due to my husband’s religious beliefs, which I agreed to.

Of course marrying a Muslim man I knew of what came with it when it came to having children etc. we have discussed our sons upbringing and he will be taught both cultures, religions and celebration Christmas and Eid etc. my husband is quite westernised so he’s not exactly a strict Muslim.

I suffered quite bad baby blues and when it came to discussing the circumcision at around 10 days old I lost it and said that I couldn’t deal with it right now and my husband said not to worry now and we will revisit at a later date.

I thought i was ok with my son being circumcised but now he’s here I’m actually not. It’s been brought up again today and it’s not helping that my husbands pushy family keep asking about when it’s happening. I’m really not ready for this. We’re already having issues with his family calling my son by a different name because they don’t like the name we’ve chosen as it’s not an Arabic name!

I’ve told my husband I’m not ready yet and he accepts this, I can tell it bothers him.

Am I being unreasonable about this? Obviously I know what I married into, but as his mother and he’s here, it now doesn’t feel right to put him through a procedure that’s totally unnecessary as he’s not a medical issue.

Hi,
I'm CoE married to a ( completely non religious) Muslim man.
I have 2 sons.
We had quite a few heated debates about this in pregnancy.
But when I actually had the baby DH never actually mentioned it at all. So obviously it never happened!
My SIL ( DH sister) also has 2 sons and didn't circumcise either.
We just didn't enter into any conversation about the subject with the mother in law.
It's really not the done thing to do in the UK. So actually you have to put a bit of effort in and as I manage all medical things in the family and certainly was not going to do it , it just somehow never happened. SIL just copied my lead.

I don't agree with non-medical circumcision, but I have no sympathy for you in this situation as you didn't argue your points earlier.

Just curious , why too old ?

Circumcising a little boy as a baby is something that needs outlawing, and has no place in the 21st century, but the posters comparing it to FGM, PLEASE STOP! The two are nothing alike. That's like comparing someone taking 2 adult teeth out of a 12 year old's mouth, (under anesthetic,) to someone pinning a 12 year old down to a chair, and smashing all their teeth out with a hammer (with NO anesthetic!)

Nowhere near the same thing.

At all.

I do think though @Mumtobe2025x3 that it's not a good idea for 2 faiths to marry and have children. Especially when one of them is a very strict religion.

Sorry pro was probably the wrong word to use. I meant that I’m in agreement with circumcision as I can understand the reasons for it and had my boys circumcised, however I feel that if the OP doesn’t wish to have her child circumcised, her wishes should be respected and her rights as a mother taken into consideration.

I think it's a form of child abuse. Stick to your guns Op.

Hi can you please explain why? I am not baiting like I said in my earlier post I am genuinely curious and cannot get my head around it at all.

You conveyed my thoughts in a much more eloquent way than I could!

Whatever other people’s opinions are the fact is it’s not illegal in this country and is an important of the culture you signed up for when you married a man of another religion. I know very few inter faith marriages that have actually been successful long term especially ones where the other religion has been your husbands. It’s fundamentally too different - circumcision being one of those differences

Op, un popular post that will be disputed by some but this is more cultural then religious. Dispite what ppl think they know, this is not compulsory in Islam. Its a big misconception ,look it up and show your hubby. See what he says. The bbc has done a couple of stories on this.

Please don’t do this. His beliefs and wishes as a Muslim do not trump yours. Infant circumcision is an unnecessary, painful and cruel procedure. Although rare, it can lead to complications and problems later. Please protect your baby son and don’t allow him to be mutilated. He can choose to have it done later, if he so wishes

It's child abuse, tell him to piss off.

Can you take baby and go somewhere you can't recover, get looked after and not get harassed?

You were both pregnant? Gosh. Why don't you chose for the baby you gave birth to and he can choose for the one he gave birth to.

Exactly, you do realise it’s not done under general anaesthetic, as well.

@Rosealea it has happened, it made the news. The baby bled to death. We have had children end up on PICU because of circumcision. There is a doctor in my area who does them and he has a high rate of complications.

Respect is earned and any culture or religion that promote the ritual mutilation of infants are child abusers and lose their right to respect.

Call it by its name: genital mutilation. It's barbaric and should be illegal in a civilised country.

There are health benefits to infant circumcision which outweigh the risks. A quick look on Google will explain them. I wouldn't destroy my marriage over this one.

Plus I'm married to an adult who had one done a few weeks ago and not only did he have to use dangerously strong steroids while he was waiting for the op but it isn't a nice thing at all for an adult to go through. Much easier for a non mobile baby.

No you aren't. It's probably going to be annoying for your husband that you agreed, but there you go.

I think it would be best if you call it now and say it isn't something you are now comfortable with. Better to rip the plaster off now (sorry) than have it go on, as that's not fair on DH.

Also, he needs to tell his family to stop calling your child by a different name right now. They don't have to like his name, but they do need to use it.

TBF if this destroys her marriage it's not much of a marriage

I'd probably be OK with it, but the OP isn't, and that is that.

He might have no memory but the body keeps score.

Yours is the better position by default as it doesn't involve harming a baby (or anyone not old enough to consent).

It bodes well that you're able to change your mind on this, you're mumming hard & your responsibility is to your son and absolutely no one else - not your DH & not his family.

Stick to your guns, be calm & clear & confident that YOU are right in every single way on this one thing. There's no battle to be had cos there's only one possible outcome - your son not being butchered.

OP try to read up about the reasons circumcision is done in Islam. Contact an Imam to understand the religious reasons behind it. I do think it’s outdated like so many religious requirements from all religions, but it will serve you well to have facts when being questioned by the in laws.

Also from their perspective, as annoying as they are (which is amplified after having a young baby) they probably are worried that it’s not in line with Islam.

Speak with your husband. When you don’t communicate it can blow up into much bigger problems. I’m sure you accommodate a lot so your husband will be understanding. Good luck!

It's mutilation no different to FGM.It needs to stop and only mothers can lead the way. Using religion as an excuse for barbarism is not ok . do not back down.

It's very different to FGM. It's not about a patriarchy trying to preserve virginity or reduce sexual enjoyment. It does have health benefits.