Newborn circumcision

[Mumtobe2025x3]

Hi all,
my son is five weeks old. My husband is Muslim and I’m COE. When we were pregnant we had discussed having my son circumcised when he was a couple of weeks old due to my husband’s religious beliefs, which I agreed to.

Of course marrying a Muslim man I knew of what came with it when it came to having children etc. we have discussed our sons upbringing and he will be taught both cultures, religions and celebration Christmas and Eid etc. my husband is quite westernised so he’s not exactly a strict Muslim.

I suffered quite bad baby blues and when it came to discussing the circumcision at around 10 days old I lost it and said that I couldn’t deal with it right now and my husband said not to worry now and we will revisit at a later date.

I thought i was ok with my son being circumcised but now he’s here I’m actually not. It’s been brought up again today and it’s not helping that my husbands pushy family keep asking about when it’s happening. I’m really not ready for this. We’re already having issues with his family calling my son by a different name because they don’t like the name we’ve chosen as it’s not an Arabic name!

I’ve told my husband I’m not ready yet and he accepts this, I can tell it bothers him.

Am I being unreasonable about this? Obviously I know what I married into, but as his mother and he’s here, it now doesn’t feel right to put him through a procedure that’s totally unnecessary as he’s not a medical issue.

You are right to refuse allowing someone to mutilate your son’s genitals. Circumcision should be illegal, it’s abuse. Well done mama for protecting your baby.

Circumcision is not obligatory under Islamic rulings, rather, it is 'preferred'. Your son does not need to be circumcised and if you don't want it, then put your foot down. If they do not like the name then tough luck. He is your son. They had the chance to name their own. I say this as a mother of 2 circumcised boys. I did it through my own choice. Muslims are fixated on certain aspects of the religion as being non negotiable. Tell your husband there Is no compulsion in religion

I'd be worried that if he's left alone with them, they'll take him and get it done.

Not in the slightest bit suitable analogies. Similar would be whether you have a baby Christened or not. And no, if he had made a commitment to it, I don’t think he should back out of that either.

Christening doesn't involve an invasive physical procedure. This one is also irreversible, which is much, much more serious.

Everyone should be able to change their mind about things like this once it moves from the theoretical to the reality.

Absolutely not!

There was a baby boy local to me who died from circumcision several years ago now. Why anyone would risk their child’s life for a non essential medical procedure is beyond me!

My son had to be circumcised aged seven for medical reasons. Poor boy was in so much pain; I would never willingly put any boy through that for anything other than medical necessity. Your baby son does not need it, please protect him.

You’re absolutely entitled to your opinion. As am I. I wouldn’t have my boys circumcised but if I was married to someone whose religion specified it as a requirement and I agreed to it, I wouldn’t go back on that agreement.

Just get it done and over with and he'll have zero memory of it anyway. Better that than him needing it done for a medical reason when he's older and knowing exactly what's happening!

My CoE DM said she’d leave my Muslim DF if he pushed the point with my DB and he dropped it. YANBU.

Yes hurry up and mutilate your child op! Ffs 🙄🙄🙄

Oh don't be so ridiculous!

That must've been the window cleaners 5th cousin 6 times removed who cleaned the windows for some ones granny's aunts dogs pals neighbour 🙄🙄

It's not less traumatic for newborns - they just tend to shut down in response to extreme pain.

We used to literally perform surgeries on newborns with no anaesthetic because of the belief that they feel less pain/aren't traumatised. SPOILER: it is traumatic even if they can't express that.

It is awkward that you changed your mind, but you're not wrong and I could never let anyone do it to my sons. Also, babies absolutely feel pain so I wouldn't accept the "it hurts less when they're younger" cause that's rubbish

@handbagsandholidays “I am muslim and pro-circumcision. Both my sons have been circumcised, however I would be upset by the total disregard of my views and beliefs if I didn’t agree with my child being circumcised“
You'd be upset at your views and beliefs being disregarded but you’ve been ok to disregard your children’s.

He also knew what he was marrying into when he married you, so why does his beliefs trump yours?....I think circumcision is cruel and unnecessary for whatever reason, and i would never agree to hurt a baby in that way. Please stand your ground

Vile

What is the likelihood that he would need to be circumcised for a medical reason later in life? That doesn't sound like a good enough reason.

And doing it now specifically because he's too young to "know what is happening" is definitely not a good enough reason.

It isn't mandatory for male muslims to be circumcised, though his family will no doubt tell you otherwise. Don't let them bully you into to this. Your son may bitterly regret this later and wonder why you didn't protect him.

Just because you chose a muslim doesn’t mean you have to submit to his rule. How absurd.

He knew what he was choosing when he moved to the West and married you. Why should You change for him? You are not the second parent, and you are not Less Than.

You are also allowed to change your mind about things! having babies changes all of us. You will need space to evolve.

CofE folk also perform a ceremony on children without their consent ie baptism/Christening. Admittedly only a few tears, all done and no body parts removed! - but it’s still without their consent. Adult/believers baptism is a conscious decision, a choice.

Circumcision on children without medical necessity is abhorrent and I don’t care what religion it offends but if you mutilate your children because said religion tells you to then you should be ashamed. So, yes, revisit it at a later date, like when your son is an adult and can make his own mind up about his own penis.

YANBU. There’s no way I’d agree to this unnecessary medical procedure to my baby. Be firm, consistent and polite. It cannot be done without your consent. Hugs

Pouring some water on a baby's head isn't quite the same as removing their foreskin, is it?

I don't care that I was christened, it's meaningless to me and I can just forget about it as a non-religious adult. I would care if I'd had part of my body removed though because I couldn't just grow it back when I moved away from religion.

You are absolutely not being unreasonable.

The only body anyone should have bits chopped off of (excluding medical need) is their own.

My husband was ritually circumcised at 14 as was the norm in his culture at the time. His idea of compromise was to have any sons we had circumcised at birth. I told him you even try it and I'll divorce you. He said they won't be accepted as men in his tribe and I said I don't care if they are or not.

We eventually agreed that it would be their choice as adults.

They are in their 20s now and their choice remains leave my penis alone. Funnily enough not one of their relatives has asked them to drop their underpants for inspection.

There is no good reason to chop skin off a baby when it is not a medical need. It's barbaric and the sooner people stop thinking its an acceptable thing to do to an infant the better.