To have asked my parents for a lift home?

[coldabdtired]

I’m 25, and live at home with my parents. I drive but use public transport for work because it’s cheaper than parking.

tonight the bus home is delayed by 45 minutes. I worked 9-6:30, I was hoping to get on the 7:15 bus but it won’t be at my stop till 8.

i texted my family chat saying I know it’s cheeky but was anyone able to give me a lift if I walked to a different stop and got on a different bus because it was cold and I left the house before 7. My mum has come back and said that I’ve been really selfish to ask as they’re in their pyjamas but they’re going to feel guilty for saying no now because they know I’m tired and cold.

AIBU to have asked? I never ask for lifts anywhere, I drive or get the bus.

And of course with that territory goes the answer that the OP was wrong to have EVER given a lift to other snowflake family members like her parents. Everyone can go fuck themselves whilst all the cars sit on the drive.

I think it was perfectly in order for you to ask and your mum was being mean. I expect she's sorry now.

In the real world, a delay of 45 minutes is long enough to make most people start looking for transport alternatives.

Also in the real world, parents coming to pick their adult children up is quite normal.

You’re not the OPs mum, are you?

Christ, that makes me want to pop out in the car to get you. In my family lifts are always offered, and never begrudged. No matter of time or distance.

Supporting and loving each other are part of everyday family life. Support and love are not reserved exclusively for failing an exam, or breaking up with a partner, or whatever.

You’ve also said you don’t drive to work to save money on parking. So for a one-off pay for a taxi?
You are an adult. Unless it’s an emergency, your transport arrangements are up to you.

Well I'd be knocking all those lifts you give on the head from now on.

Dad? Your mum can give him a lift, she's retired, she has the time to do so. And it's only golf.

Brother? In the middle of the night, you're in your pyjamas (and probably asleep), he can jog on. Or phone your mother. I'd probably be blocking his number too, because that really is dickhead behaviour on his part.

Mum? Absolutely not and it's really selfish of her to ask.

Consequences. Your mother was a complete twat tonight and now she gets the consequences of her behaviour. Don't you DARE give her a lift again! I am ballpark her age and you are ballpark my son's age and I'd have come and fetched him. In fact, I've picked him up for less reason, simply because I can and I see no reason not too. Her little diatribe of "... said that I’ve been really selfish to ask as they’re in their pyjamas but they’re going to feel guilty for saying no now because they know I’m tired and cold." just takes the fucking biscuit. Just throw a coat on and your shoes and go and get your tired and cold daughter you lazy selfish cow!

You are the OPs mum and I claim my five pounds…

It’s just picking you up - shove a coat over the jammies and get it done. Of course you weren’t unreasonable to ask.

I think you should say to your mother that you really were not trying to make her feel guilty that she didn't want to p ick you up. Explain that you won't feel guilty if you have to refuse lifts in future.

I’d be hurt, if I were you. I reckon you asked nicely, and it wasn’t really a big ask. They’ve given you some clarity about how and when you do future favours though…

I’m not entirely sure why you’ve taken such a dislike to me.

I text to ask for a favour. I didn’t expect. I didn’t demand. I acknowledged in my message that it was cheeky but I was chancing it. I didn’t kick off in the chat when they said no. I thumbsed up the message and left it at that.

I could have paid for a taxi, yes. But it would have meant walking back along the sea front (because in small towns we don’t have apps like uber!) and probably paying £30-£40. Was I cold and uncomfortable? Yes. Was I grumpy? Yes. Was I hungry? Yes. Was I all of those things to the degree that I would spend that sort of money ten days before payday in December? No, I wasn’t.

Yes I 100% would and have done it for my children and I wouldn't mind.
We love each other and I wouldn't be comfortable knowing after a long day I could help out.
I feel so sorry for people like the OP, what a horrible nasty response from her mother.

You need to be a lot less available for giving lifts yourself.
No wonder so many hate living at home when they are treated like that.
If it was every other day it would be different, but it was an aberration so yes her family should have tried to be kind.

Maybe they’d had wine with dinner?

You have to be able to ask a simple favour from your family, and it sounds like you were reasonable in the way you asked - and didn't kick off when they said no (even though their no was quite stroppy). I can't see you've done anything wrong... The family dynamic does sound a bit unequal, though - if you're often giving lifts but it isn't reciprocated.

I have young adult children, one at home, one not, we give each other lifts if needed. I’d have probably picked you up but I think it’s a bit odd to choose to use public transport when you’ve got a car but then ask for a lift when it’s inevitably delayed. Ds dropped me at the pub earlier, I was running late and my hair goes fuzzy in the damp, I walked home because I knew he’d be in his stinky dressing gown.

Then why didn't OP's DM reply to that effect, rather than "we're in our pyjamas"?

Says the poster writing all the goady posts.
By snowflakes, I assume you mean the parents who frequently demand lifts for no particular reason and are so pathetic that they refuse to leave their house at 7pm in a warm car after doing nothing much all day.

They don’t tend to drink (none of us do), but also don’t eat until 7:30

😂😂 Are you serious? You do realise that temperature varies across the UK? And - get this - sometimes it rains in one part of the country and is COMPLETELY DRY in another. It’s like magic.

Maybe they are secret drinkers and don’t want anyone to know :-)

I’d pick my daughter up no questions if she asked.

No, I’m not the mum!
She’s fine to ask her mum, of course, but I don’t like the tone amongst the repliers that a parent should drop everything immediately and pick their adult child up because… the child asked? they feel entitled? they’ve given lifts previously?
There are other options. I suspect the OP doesn’t like spending her money on reliable transport options so this is where she’s at.
Won’t pay for parking on a regular basis or for a taxi as a one-offf?
Again, it’s fine for her to ask for a lift but vey unreasonable to encourage this pile-on against her parents.

I'm older than your mum, and I've picked my sister (my age) and my son (your age, lives at home) at short notice much later than you needed a lift.
It's not about "snowflakes", it's about treating people as you'd want to be treated.
If you were my daughter, I'd have picked you up.....