To have asked my parents for a lift home?

[coldabdtired]

I’m 25, and live at home with my parents. I drive but use public transport for work because it’s cheaper than parking.

tonight the bus home is delayed by 45 minutes. I worked 9-6:30, I was hoping to get on the 7:15 bus but it won’t be at my stop till 8.

i texted my family chat saying I know it’s cheeky but was anyone able to give me a lift if I walked to a different stop and got on a different bus because it was cold and I left the house before 7. My mum has come back and said that I’ve been really selfish to ask as they’re in their pyjamas but they’re going to feel guilty for saying no now because they know I’m tired and cold.

AIBU to have asked? I never ask for lifts anywhere, I drive or get the bus.

It's a one off, you're clearly very independent and don't ask otherwise. If i was in my 60s, retired and my DC asked for a lift I would just drive in my PJs. Xxx

IT’S NOT BEEN COLD TONIGHT!!
Which is why this seems like a very goady post.

I didn’t expect. I never once said “I expect you at X place at Y time”. It’s 11 degrees here but with wind chill has apparently been down to 2 or 3, which was really cold to stand in! I don’t drive into work because I work at a hospital and I’m not entitled to a free permit. So I’d have to pay £15 a day to park, which is £75 a week. It’s £25 a week on the bus.

I'm 66 and my 26 Yr old son still lives at home. I give him a lift to the station (15 min walk away) every morning and pick him up in the evening, every day. He tells me not to, but I like to do it because I'm retired and so usually am not doing anything else - and I love him

It absolutely has. I’m on the south coast. With each storm we get absolutely battered and it was absolutely freezing out there tonight.

Well no more lifts for them.

I’m also firmly in the camp of ‘I’d be out of the door like a shot’ if it were my DD.

I'd pull waaaaay back on giving them lifts.

Tell them they're being selfish for asking as that seems to be how they deem people asking for lifts.

I’d have chucked a coat on and come to get you for sure.
If asked for lifts in future I’d reply with rubbish excuses. “Oh sorry I can’t I’ve got to do my nails/eat my crisps/finish my crossword” etc until they get the message.

I’m 5 years older than your Mum, I would have come and picked you up.

Oh OP I’d be knocking giving lifts on the head!
Sorry you’ve been made to feel that way tonight, but at least you now know where you stand.

I would definitely pick my 24 year old son up. Your mum is being pretty unkind.

And we wonder why there’s a “snowflake” generation.
Let your adult children sort their own transport issues out. (Not just addressed to the OP.)
Yes to help in absolute emergencies, of course, but this is not the case. It’s just the sort of shitty delay you get when using public transport.
It’s actually the reason I finally learnt to drive!

it sounds like a cold tiring commute - id be fed up too.

next time they need a lift def be busy.

As I’ve said I can drive, I just can’t justify £75 a week parking (plus the £40 a week in fuel!) when the bus is £25.

I sorted myself out. I just thought I’d reach out to them and ask because it was bloody cold.

Next time just tell them you’re in your pyjamas and can’t do it.

All these people saying they'd just drive in their PJs, you do you, but I'd dress before picking up my kids. Often been stopped by the police, not for doing anything wrong, but they often pull people over for drink drive checks in December, and sometimes have made me (or whoever is driving) sit in the back of their car. I wouldn't want that in PJs. Also, that would be the time my car broke down, or I got in an accident.
It might be your parents aren't feeling very well, or felt bad, so that's why they said what they said. My kids are young, but when I've been messaged to collect them for any reason, I feel guilty if Dad or I can't get there straight away due to work. Parent guilt is real!
Some are saying don't give them lifts/help them OP. Your choice, but I'd be wary they'd maybe say while you're under our roof you should help out. Many 25 year olds would struggle these days if they had to immediately move out, I don't know if you have a partner/your financial situation. It's not my business, but I would be careful in case something like this happens.

I think your mum was being mean. She could have said “sorry can’t tonight” or “sorry I’m in my pyjamas” and left it.

I'm so sorry none of them came out to get you OP (it seems your DM's guilty conscience didn't trouble her that much then? 🙄 ). Well, I do hope the next time one of them asks you for a lift (which seems to happen weekly, at least with your DF's golf) you reply "Oh, I thought we were one of those families who believe that asking for a lift is 'selfish'? No, I won't give you a lift now I understand this family 'rule' that I was previously unaware of." See how they like it! 😉

Can’t believe no one came to get you @coldabdtired, you think that’s really mean and I would genuinely have a chat with them about why it’s ok for you to give regular lifts but not ok for you to have one lift when you were stuck. There’s something off about that …

I’m forever giving my nephews and niece lifts. They are all in their 20’s but don’t drive and public transport is shite where we live. We’re family. We help each other out.

Put the car off the road or get rid of it, save on fuel, road tax etc. Unless you are in Brighton is it really much more than £1k a month for a 1 bed rental?

What term do you use for someone who lacks empathy and compassion?

I agree with the majority and would have picked you up. I often go out with a coat over my nightie to pick DS up or drop him off if he has an early start. Surely that’s just what you do for your kids? Of course if I had plans or am at work then I can’t do it - but I wouldn’t sit at home and say No unless I’d had a drink!

Definitely re think how many lifts you’re prepared to give op.

Lazy gits, They are sinking into old age, richard ozman's magnetic pull too strong

Rent is about an average of £750-850 here. I make £24k a year so after pension etc I bring home £1,600 a month. After rent, bills and council tax I’d be left with about £300 a month for literally everything else - transport to work, food, etc etc. it’s not feasible at the moment.