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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have asked my parents for a lift home?

620 replies

coldabdtired · 10/12/2025 19:08

I’m 25, and live at home with my parents. I drive but use public transport for work because it’s cheaper than parking.

tonight the bus home is delayed by 45 minutes. I worked 9-6:30, I was hoping to get on the 7:15 bus but it won’t be at my stop till 8.

i texted my family chat saying I know it’s cheeky but was anyone able to give me a lift if I walked to a different stop and got on a different bus because it was cold and I left the house before 7. My mum has come back and said that I’ve been really selfish to ask as they’re in their pyjamas but they’re going to feel guilty for saying no now because they know I’m tired and cold.

AIBU to have asked? I never ask for lifts anywhere, I drive or get the bus.

OP posts:
Original poster
coldabdtired · 10/12/2025 22:50

JollyPotter · 10/12/2025 22:48

No, I’m not the mum!
She’s fine to ask her mum, of course, but I don’t like the tone amongst the repliers that a parent should drop everything immediately and pick their adult child up because… the child asked? they feel entitled? they’ve given lifts previously?
There are other options. I suspect the OP doesn’t like spending her money on reliable transport options so this is where she’s at.
Won’t pay for parking on a regular basis or for a taxi as a one-offf?
Again, it’s fine for her to ask for a lift but vey unreasonable to encourage this pile-on against her parents.

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But if I did pay £75 a week for parking and £40 a week for fuel you’d be criticising that as a waste of money!

OP posts:
Bungle2168 · 10/12/2025 22:51

If you usually give your parents lifts, then their refusal to reciprocate is rather mean indeed. I would be rethinking that arrangement. You scratch my back and I’ll scratch yours, after all.

DemonsRocks · 10/12/2025 22:52

I hope you're going to cut down on lifts for them. Cheeky sods.

Amybelle88 · 10/12/2025 22:52

So you didn’t even expect to be picked up from work, you were going to get another bus and just wanted picking up from a different stop?

They’re mean. I hate mingebags when it comes to offering lifts. I’d be there in a shot for either of my kids and I’d tell them not to be worrying about getting a different bus, too!

Blacksheepcat · 10/12/2025 22:54

Also… I think @JollyPotter really isn’t very jolly at all! 😂

Fgfgfg · 10/12/2025 22:55

coldabdtired · 10/12/2025 22:50

But if I did pay £75 a week for parking and £40 a week for fuel you’d be criticising that as a waste of money!

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I think it's best to ignore @JollyPotter now. It's probably past her bedtime and she's getting a bit fractious.
I'm the same age as your mum and think she's a bit mean. You sound like a nice person and don't deserve some of the crap you've had on here. Hope you're feeling warmer now.

Tryintobe · 10/12/2025 22:55

I wouldn't think twice about it if I was able too (no wine or medication etc) I'm 100% sure my Dad would still pick me up in that situation and I'm mid 40s lol

MustTryHarderAndHarder · 10/12/2025 22:55

coldabdtired · 10/12/2025 19:14

I think what’s annoyed me most is I give my family lifts a lot. Every week I drive my dad to golf, I was giving my mum lifts a week after I had surgery and I regularly get drunken calls from my brother to pick him up in the middle of the night. But nobody could drive 15 minutes to me

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Well you need to stop giving them lifts.

They are v selfish.

Pleasegodgotosleep · 10/12/2025 22:55

You were not unreasonable at all. They were within their rights to say no BUT they know it wasn't kind or fair when you regularly drive them. They felt guilty at their own selfishness so had a go at you, even more unfair. No more lifts to golf etc for them 🫠

Original poster
coldabdtired · 10/12/2025 22:57

Amybelle88 · 10/12/2025 22:52

So you didn’t even expect to be picked up from work, you were going to get another bus and just wanted picking up from a different stop?

They’re mean. I hate mingebags when it comes to offering lifts. I’d be there in a shot for either of my kids and I’d tell them not to be worrying about getting a different bus, too!

No.

I have two options - I can get the bus outside my work (there were no buses there tonight, due to the accidents etc), or walk about 40 minutes to the next stop, which I tend to do because it gets some steps in, gets me some fresh air and gets me active. I had just about arrived at the bottom stop when I realised just how delayed it was. (Yes, this was probably poor planning on my behalf, but I would’ve been waiting a huge amount of time anyway. I figure it is best to walk and get some steps in rather than stand around not doing that).

I then text my parents and suggested I got on another bus which was going halfway and I could meet them there (which would then be a 15 minute drive for them). They said no so I just sort of walked between a couple of stops to keep me warm and then just waited.

OP posts:
Ohnonotthisagain2025 · 10/12/2025 22:58

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

FoxtrotOscarKindaDay · 10/12/2025 22:58

coldabdtired · 10/12/2025 22:32

Rent is about an average of £750-850 here. I make £24k a year so after pension etc I bring home £1,600 a month. After rent, bills and council tax I’d be left with about £300 a month for literally everything else - transport to work, food, etc etc. it’s not feasible at the moment.

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You live with your parents and are 25 years old. Do you not have significant savings by now?

You'd likely get UC for help with rent in that case.

singmoon · 10/12/2025 22:59

I'm 61 and would definitely pick up my child in this circumstances. I'd be delighted to have the chance to make their life easier in a small way.

Original poster
coldabdtired · 10/12/2025 22:59

Fgfgfg · 10/12/2025 22:55

I think it's best to ignore @JollyPotter now. It's probably past her bedtime and she's getting a bit fractious.
I'm the same age as your mum and think she's a bit mean. You sound like a nice person and don't deserve some of the crap you've had on here. Hope you're feeling warmer now.

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I am, thankfully. The electric blanket is probably the best thing I’ve ever purchased.

OP posts:
IamtheDevilsAvocado · 10/12/2025 22:59

Soashamed60 · 10/12/2025 19:19

I'd cut down on the lifts. Let your brother fend for himself & pay for a taxi! They're walking all over you & are mean i'm sorry to say xx

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This..

When they ask for lifts -

Tell them you're following their example.

And tell them they're selfish.

Who the hell puts on PJs at 7.

And so effing what?? Chuck a hoodie and sweatpants over it and drive 15 mins

Sorry they're so selfish

Original poster
coldabdtired · 10/12/2025 22:59

FoxtrotOscarKindaDay · 10/12/2025 22:58

You live with your parents and are 25 years old. Do you not have significant savings by now?

You'd likely get UC for help with rent in that case.

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I’m not here to discuss my financial situation because to be honest I’m not bothered if people think I’m wrong for still living at home - I do and that’s that. But I’m not eligible for very much help at all.

OP posts:
Soashamed60 · 10/12/2025 23:00

JollyPotter · 10/12/2025 21:57

Hmm.
You chose not to drive but expect your parents to drive to sort out a particular transport problem of yours. Maybe start driving to and from work from now on so this will no longer be an issue?
Where are you in the country? It’s not cold tonight. (Last night would have been a different issue entirely with the storm.) Even then, I might have thought twice about asking anyone else to come out & pick me up.
I didn’t drive until my mid 30s. A delay of 45 minutes on public transport was annoying but I wouldn’t have expected anyone else to help me out, if that was the only issue.
The hate towards older people is strong on this site.

Nobody's hating on old people. They're hating on selfish family members who are quite happy to accept favours, but won't reciprocrate, whatever age they are. Their age is irrelevant, and I'd hardly call 63 ancient and too old to nip out for half an hour.
Are you a mother yourself? If so, god help your children having an ice cold hearted mother like you. Loving families help each other out no matter what age they are.

JollyPotter · 10/12/2025 23:00

coldabdtired · 10/12/2025 22:41

I’m not entirely sure why you’ve taken such a dislike to me.

I text to ask for a favour. I didn’t expect. I didn’t demand. I acknowledged in my message that it was cheeky but I was chancing it. I didn’t kick off in the chat when they said no. I thumbsed up the message and left it at that.

I could have paid for a taxi, yes. But it would have meant walking back along the sea front (because in small towns we don’t have apps like uber!) and probably paying £30-£40. Was I cold and uncomfortable? Yes. Was I grumpy? Yes. Was I hungry? Yes. Was I all of those things to the degree that I would spend that sort of money ten days before payday in December? No, I wasn’t.

Show quote history

Honestly, I haven’t taken a dislike to you.
You were not wrong to ask for a lift.
But neither were other people wrong to refuse.
I hope you’re home and warm now.

FoxtrotOscarKindaDay · 10/12/2025 23:01

Don't see why you didn't just get on the bus that was going half way regardless instead of complaining about waiting in the cold for hours.

If it's a 15 minute drive it's a 15 minute taxi.

Flatandhappy · 10/12/2025 23:02

I would have come get you, I regularly pick up DD if she will have a long wait for a bus or something goes wrong and I certainly would not have said no if asked outright but I do think if you regularly give your brother lifts that he should really have been the first one to say yes. DD and DS regularly work out stuff like that between themselves now they are adults.

GoodQueenWenceslaus · 10/12/2025 23:02

She’s fine to ask her mum, of course, but I don’t like the tone amongst the repliers that a parent should drop everything immediately and pick their adult child up because… the child asked? they feel entitled? they’ve given lifts previously?

I don't think people are saying OP's parents should drop everything immediately. The general view is that, in OP's parents' shoes, they would give a lift because, well, they like their children and like to save them from a horrible long cold wait for public transport when the inconvenience to them is minimal.

Original poster
coldabdtired · 10/12/2025 23:04

FoxtrotOscarKindaDay · 10/12/2025 23:01

Don't see why you didn't just get on the bus that was going half way regardless instead of complaining about waiting in the cold for hours.

If it's a 15 minute drive it's a 15 minute taxi.

Edited

Because a fifteen minute taxi from the bus station is £16. I would’ve been waiting the same amount of time, but the bus station is a lot quieter and a lot more dodgy when it’s dark than the main road.

OP posts:
Firefly1987 · 10/12/2025 23:05

Your parents suck. I'd move out then go NC. And well done for taking public transport and cutting down on traffic and pollution. It's what we all should be trying to do where possible.

HereintheloveofChristIstand · 10/12/2025 23:05

They sound horrible and selfish OP. I bet they will be expecting you to drive them around when they are old and need taking places. Might you 'be in your pyjamas that day?'
No you won't be, because you sound decent.

JustMyView13 · 10/12/2025 23:06

I think their response is very strange.
Honestly, I group chat the family for lifts all the time, as do they. If we’re free, we’re lifting.
If we’re in PJ’s we’re throwing on a coat & coming out.
My dad is also the kind of person that would fly half way round the world to pick us up & bring us home. It’s just the way he is, and I appreciate we’re very lucky with that.