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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have asked my parents for a lift home?

620 replies

coldabdtired · 10/12/2025 19:08

I’m 25, and live at home with my parents. I drive but use public transport for work because it’s cheaper than parking.

tonight the bus home is delayed by 45 minutes. I worked 9-6:30, I was hoping to get on the 7:15 bus but it won’t be at my stop till 8.

i texted my family chat saying I know it’s cheeky but was anyone able to give me a lift if I walked to a different stop and got on a different bus because it was cold and I left the house before 7. My mum has come back and said that I’ve been really selfish to ask as they’re in their pyjamas but they’re going to feel guilty for saying no now because they know I’m tired and cold.

AIBU to have asked? I never ask for lifts anywhere, I drive or get the bus.

OP posts:
MrsCillian · 10/12/2025 21:26

You need to say no next time one of them wants a lift. I'd have collected one of my friends if they'd asked, never mind my child!

Namechangerage · 10/12/2025 21:28

coldabdtired · 10/12/2025 19:14

I think what’s annoyed me most is I give my family lifts a lot. Every week I drive my dad to golf, I was giving my mum lifts a week after I had surgery and I regularly get drunken calls from my brother to pick him up in the middle of the night. But nobody could drive 15 minutes to me

Show quote history

Stop offering lifts right now. If they ask for one say “well it’s really inconvenient but you’ve made me feel guilty so I suppose I can”

Wrenjay · 10/12/2025 21:36

Time for lifts to be rationed, i.e. family members now have to ask for lifts. Do not be your family's taxi service automatically. They have disrespected you and it's time to return the favour. I know it's being petty but that is what they are.

momager1 · 10/12/2025 21:37

I would do anything for my kids... as they would me. When I lived in the same country as them, Five years ago, our daughter called us on new years eve at 2 am. She had not planned on drinking ..was going to be Designated driver as her husband and two tweens were with them. She caved to some lovely mixed drinks. They had been trying to get a taxi but failing lol. 2 am. minus 18 and snowing (Ontario Canada) I threw on my snow boots over my pj's and my husbands snowblower coat (very warm) Husband would have gone but he did have a few beers that night. I went across town, picked them up, and dropped them off to their house...NEXT DOOR to us lol. That is what family is for. I am sorry that your parents are shit. Never pick them up anywhere again..they can take the bus or train

Newtothis10123 · 10/12/2025 21:38

They are your parents. Asking them for a lift is completely fine. My parents would have picked me up rain or shine (didn’t ask enough to take the mick), and I will for my kids.
I really do worry that people begrudge helping those they love in today’s world. God stay in your pyjamas and go picked up your loved one.

LivingwithHopenowandforever · 10/12/2025 21:39

God OP I am really going to try & be polite about your parents but what the actual f**k!!!!!!!

I have 2 daughters in their early twenties and I will be honest with you they have never taken a bus. Not because they are privileged or anything but because they have never needed to.

As a family everyone’s safety is paramount especially in this day & age. My Mum speaks to me and the girls everyday. If she knows the girls will be out the very first question is how are they getting home. If they are not coming home by Uber then Mum dispatches a member of the family. My Dad would be flying out the front door if we let him. He is not so great driving at night & my parents live in another town.

My point is every member of the family can call upon anyone for anything. To use the excuse that they are in their pj’s just blows my mind. You are their daughter! How can they just sit there the whole evening knowing full well you are still making your way back and it’s late and dark.

This is seriously not acceptable OP, maybe you need to be rethinking about how much you are doing if this is the response you are getting. I am livid on your behalf, do they not care about your safety. I cannot drive for health reasons but if their Father was not at home I would have told them to order a Uber & that is also something they do not pay. My youngest works in London and there’s been times when there have been issues with tubes and her Father has always told her to order a Uber as he does not want her waiting around.

This is nothing to do with being mean, it’s like you are not a priority and you should be!

You are their daughter and you are precious. Everyone’s children are but it’s the lack of care for you that is really sending me into a rage. In this current climate women and girls are not safe and to have parents such as yours………

Please OP start taking your car to work, you need to think of your own safety if no-one else will. You should not be walking down roads that are unsafe in the dark alone. I hope you got home safely and are having a hot drink to warm yourself up.

hidinginthebathroomagain · 10/12/2025 21:39

thats proper mean. Everyone is our house would have got you. My dad was still offering me lifts when he couldn’t walk let alone drive bless him

diddl · 10/12/2025 21:40

I'm wondering why you are often giving lifts when there are two retired adults at home with a car!

Well I suppose you can ask & they can say no.

Your mum was very rude though.

someonethatyoulovetoomuch · 10/12/2025 21:43

My dad’s 71 and we don’t live together anymore, I know without even having to ask that he would pick me up in these circumstances, or any time I was stranded. He used to get up at 6am to drive me to shifts in winter so I didn’t have to walk in the dark, he’s an angel of a man. I’m sorry your family (or at least your mum) are shit and I hope you’re home safe & warm now.

LivingwithHopenowandforever · 10/12/2025 21:44

coldabdtired · 10/12/2025 21:16

I am! I just slammed the door and went upstairs to get under my electric blanket because I’m cold and tired and grumpy

Show quote history

OP order yourself some food and eat it in your bed. You must be so cold & knackered. Don’t act any different but from now on you are not available to give lifts. You are either out or under the weather in your pj’s. Glad you got home safe.

HomeTheatreSystem · 10/12/2025 21:47

Unless there is a backstory that's missing, it's an odd reaction from your parents to call you selfish for merely enquiring if one of the family might help out with a lift given the bus situation. All you can do is return the favour by letting them make their own way to and fro for the next week instead of helping them out with lifts as you have been.

ArchieStar · 10/12/2025 21:48

I’d just say “ok, I know where I stand, and where you stand when you next need a lift off me”

LeBonBon · 10/12/2025 21:48

Glad you are home OP.

Seriously come back to update us on the thread when you've next been asked for a lift. I'd love to hear that you called the asker selfish and said no.

Sure it won't be a long wait!

Xmasbaby11 · 10/12/2025 21:49

I think it's mean too. That's a long delay in miserable cold and dark. Not a huge effort on their behalf to make a big difference to you.

Are they usually kind or is this unusual for them?

As pp say, I would be less keen to help them with lifts etc.

Ellie1015 · 10/12/2025 21:50

Yanbu to ask, especially when you give lifts to others. You didnt insist or expect a lift, you dont ask often and you would do it for them.

I would have collected my dd or sister in your situation. I dont think they are unreasonable to say no, but having a tantrum about you asking is ridiculous.

I would not be available for lifts very often in future, just enough to keep things amicable as you live with them.

Elphamouche · 10/12/2025 21:52

No more lifts for them!

ThatJollyGreySquid · 10/12/2025 21:54

I am always giving lifts. I’d never see someone cold and waiting ages.

justasking111 · 10/12/2025 21:56

Everyone in our family gives lifts.

TeatimeForTheSoul · 10/12/2025 21:57

Hope you warm up soon @coldabdtired and that they at least bring you a warm drink.

If there’s a next time, maybe to switch how you contextualise the request e.g. instead of suggest you’re ‘being cheeky’ at the start, try for something like ‘my turn to ask for a lift’. That’ll give you the right to respond in kind next time they ask.

JollyPotter · 10/12/2025 21:57

Hmm.
You chose not to drive but expect your parents to drive to sort out a particular transport problem of yours. Maybe start driving to and from work from now on so this will no longer be an issue?
Where are you in the country? It’s not cold tonight. (Last night would have been a different issue entirely with the storm.) Even then, I might have thought twice about asking anyone else to come out & pick me up.
I didn’t drive until my mid 30s. A delay of 45 minutes on public transport was annoying but I wouldn’t have expected anyone else to help me out, if that was the only issue.
The hate towards older people is strong on this site.

tilypu · 10/12/2025 22:00

As a parent of people in their late twenties - I'm fully on your side.

You are definitely not unreasonable to ask - it's not like you were making a demand. It was a request that they were fully capable of refusing.

And fwiw I would absolutely have given you a lift unless I had a good reason not to.. And imo being in PJ's isn't a good reason.

Glad you are back home. Sorry that your parents have been dicks about this.

Epidote · 10/12/2025 22:03

Asking for a lift is not an issue. Denying the lift for whatever reason is not an issue. Making all the above into a guilt trip is a big issue in my opinion. Your mum was over the top.

LivingwithHopenowandforever · 10/12/2025 22:07

HeddaGarbled · 10/12/2025 21:09

What’s family for if not to support and love each other

But commute delays are just part of everyday life, aren’t they? It’s not failing an exam or breaking up with a partner or whatever.

Mine would have messaged: “buses delayed, gonna be late” and then just dealt with it like the independent adults they are.

What’s being ‘independent’ got to do with this?

She asked her parents to come get her, a completely normal thing to ask one’s parents.

That does not make her ‘dependent’ on them.

Any decent parent knows if their child is experiencing travel disruption & has already looked at other ways for their child to get home safely as that is called parenting.

Parenting does not stop when your child turns 18 as they still have a lot to learn about people and the outside world.

MrsElijahMikaelson1 · 10/12/2025 22:07

I’d be reducing the number of lifts you give. I certainly wouldn’t be getting up at night to fetch your brother. Turn your phone off. YRNBU to ask the question. I’d have fetched my DD

LoveItaly · 10/12/2025 22:08

My Dad would have picked me up whatever the time, especially in winter when it’s cold and dark and the bus is unreliable. I do the same for my children too, really don’t understand not picking up in situations like this. Well OP, you know what to do when they stop driving and need lifts to places.