To have asked my parents for a lift home?

[coldabdtired]

I’m 25, and live at home with my parents. I drive but use public transport for work because it’s cheaper than parking.

tonight the bus home is delayed by 45 minutes. I worked 9-6:30, I was hoping to get on the 7:15 bus but it won’t be at my stop till 8.

i texted my family chat saying I know it’s cheeky but was anyone able to give me a lift if I walked to a different stop and got on a different bus because it was cold and I left the house before 7. My mum has come back and said that I’ve been really selfish to ask as they’re in their pyjamas but they’re going to feel guilty for saying no now because they know I’m tired and cold.

AIBU to have asked? I never ask for lifts anywhere, I drive or get the bus.

I didn’t ask to be born?

I'd definitely still go get her. If I was on a night out or something then obviously not, but ifni was just sat in my house, I'd go.

I love car chats with mine!! DS1 is 25 now and doesn’t go out as much as he has his own home with rent and bills to pay. When he was younger though I regularly picked him and his mates up after nights out. I have some very fond and funny memories of them all drunk in the car.

What horrible parents remember when they're older and need help.

I also agree with this - to an extent. But. As other people have said it's tough getting on the property ladder. I left home at 26 and I only got housing as I was offered a council house in a very hard to let area. I was not in the position to buy.

My wee brother moved back in with my mum in his 40s after a very horrible break up. He was treated very badly by his ex who abused him really badly after the break up - his ex threw him out in the clothes he was standing in and did a lot of really awful things to him after that

She was happy to have him around so that he could save for a deposit on a flat. He did a lot of things for her while he was there - DIY. Giving her lifts. He's good to her (and me).

I don't think it's as easy to say that the parents are fed up with them. They are getting lifts to places. They are getting rent. The brother is the one taking the piss in my view.

I do think the OP shouldn't have come in slamming the door and just going to bed. If you have issues with family - talk it through

No. This is a terrible take. You don't cut your parents off just because they wouldn't give you a lift home one night.

I've not read every response, but all of the ones I have read are about whether or not the poster would pick up their own adult offspring. I thought it was quite clear from the OP it wasn't the "no" thst upset her as much as the way it was delivered... Also wondering where people have been loving the last ten years to think it's abnormal for a 25 year old to be living with parents.

(Although I do think the no in itself is harsh when they weren't doing anything! 100% sure if I'd text my mum at that age to say I'd be home late because of the buses so that she wouldn't worry, she would have offered! In fact she still would now and I'm 40+!)

When I speak to my mum, she invariably says is there anything I can do for you? I always say no of course. She is 82!

I’m definitely not going to cut them off.

But I am going to reconsider how much I put myself out for them. For example, weekly lifts to golf because my dad doesn’t want to get the bus (no reason he can’t, he’s not so elderly it’s overwhelming for him or restricted mobility etc. he just doesn’t want to), no more picking my mum up after a dinner out when I’m exhausted. I have some health things going on too and I think I’m going to prioritise myself a little bit for a while

I think it’s fine for you to match their energy. Be a bit less available to help out. Be tired and cold and rest indoors.

Op, myself and DH are your parent’s age. Dd is similar age to you and living at home.
We are a city bus route, but buses can be unreliable at times.
First; I enjoy having her at home, for as long as she wants to stay.
Second: I would definitely pick her up. Coat over jammies and off I go. If I couldn’t or it didn’t suit me, I would just say no kindly.

I think your mom was mean with her words.
Probably because she knew she was being mean not helping.

None of us are perfect. So if it was out of character just put it behind you. Otherwise make yourself less available. Consider turning off your phone if you don’t want a call late at night, or having your own arrangements which clash with times they may need a lift.

That's completely fine. But would you have re considered if not for this thread? They are also perfectly entitled to ask you to move out. They are doing you a favour housing wise - maybe what you need is your own space.

I mean, I think not seeing your child homeless is pretty low on the list of things a parent should do.

They don't have to accommodate you. You're an adult in full time employment You've said previously that you are paying far less in rent than you would be in your own space - they are doing you a favour. You're talking about restrictions on what you do for them - how do you think that's going to pan out? I personally wouldn't have wanted to stay at my mums much past 25 or 26-because at some point you need your own space.

Likewise. I never understand families that wouldn't do this. I've picked family members up from evenings out in the wee hours of the morning. Their comfort and safety is important to me - and the same the other way too.

How old are you? Out of interest

Another vote here for it being mean of your mum not to come get you. I would do this in a heartbeat for my DD.

That's completely none of your business. If you are trying to suggest it was easy for me to find a flat when I wanted to move out of home - nothing can be further from the truth. I couldn't afford to buy on my wage and I took a council flat in one of the worst areas in my home town that no one wanted to live in or I would still be waiting now

If you don't wish to put the work in to raise a child, don't have kids. You don't get a medal for doing a job you chose to do.

Only on Mumsnet can you ask a reasonable question and get goady responses dissecting your whole fucking life!

Well it is because housing is more expensive than it used to be.

Getting a council flat is also not easy these days. I have looked into it - if I chose to leave the house knowing I couldn’t afford to, I’m classed as voluntarily making myself homeless. If I leave due to a familial fall out the first thing that they would do is attempt to reconcile the family.

OP, I don’t know anybody who would not give their daughter a lift if they could. I’ve all sort of friends my age, we are in our 50s. We are all close to our kids. We want them to become independent and launch from home

. But we will support them until that point. Some of the parents here are weirdly selfish. There is an odd attitude on Mumsnet that when a child becomes 18, suddenly they should be fending for themselves and kicked out.

I would hazard I guess that our kids are successful because they have had the love and support at home in order to develop their skills and confidence to make it on their own.

Right?!

You don't refuse your kid a lift home just because you've put on pyjamas

😂😂😂 you couldn't afford to buy most young people now buying isn't even on their radar!! Most have to rent! You got given a council flat?? Good luck getting one now. You may have had it hard but this certainly is much easier than young people have it now so take your tone down