To have asked my parents for a lift home?

[coldabdtired]

I’m 25, and live at home with my parents. I drive but use public transport for work because it’s cheaper than parking.

tonight the bus home is delayed by 45 minutes. I worked 9-6:30, I was hoping to get on the 7:15 bus but it won’t be at my stop till 8.

i texted my family chat saying I know it’s cheeky but was anyone able to give me a lift if I walked to a different stop and got on a different bus because it was cold and I left the house before 7. My mum has come back and said that I’ve been really selfish to ask as they’re in their pyjamas but they’re going to feel guilty for saying no now because they know I’m tired and cold.

AIBU to have asked? I never ask for lifts anywhere, I drive or get the bus.

My DD lives at home and guess what......doesnt pay any rent because I dont want her to! I do however insist that money is saved every month instead.
I suppose that makes me a terrible parent 🙄

I'd still go out at any time of the day or night and pick her up wherever.
In fact, I've gone out at 2am and driven for 2 hours to help her friend whose car had broken down and was stranded.
My daughter would do the same for me.

I'm sorry OP about the abuse you are getting.
You were NOT unreasonable to ask and your parents were VERY unreasonable not to have helped you out!

I would absolutely have picked my child up in that situation, and in this climate I’m sure they’ll still be living with me too. Kindness costs nothing. Your parents seem mean, as do some mumsnetters. I can imagine them posting on here in a few years asking why their children barely contact them.

It's relevant as to why they might, rightly or wrongly, think they're owed lifts while not giving any. I'm mot saying I agree with them, I'm suggesting how they maybe see it. I do give my son lifts, frequently, but grew up in a car-less household, so couldn't even ask. I've waited for a lot of delayed buses and trains in my lifetime. I do drive now though.

No, I'm suggesting that's how her family might see it, not how it actually should be seen.

Op was left to wsit alone in the cold & dark for 45 minutes. Wherever she waited or walked to it was deserted or not many people about. In these days of increased attacks/harrassment on women, I'd have picked up my adult dd in a heart beat.

Another cold hearted so called mum who cares about her principles than the welfare of her own dd. It is ok for families to help each other out, even when they're adults.
Did you miss the bit where she says she regularly gives her family lifts to help them out, but they're not reciprocating???

Jesus, some "mothers" on here have hearts of stone 🙄

Taxi?

I would be busy the next time any of your family need a lift Op.

Oh well done OP. You've encouraged a couple of frothing lunatics to call your mother - who you live with FFS - a selfish fucker. What a delightful child you are

People are calling it as they are seeing it.

The refusal of the lift is really not the issue here. It's the response she got for asking.

They sound a bit mean

Exactly how I feel! I love helping mine who are a similar age - it’s what ‘normal’ families do and it’s reciprocated.

@coldabdtired- I hope you got back ok. It’s so miserable after a long day and public transport is cancelled or delayed, especially in this weather. Don’t be guilted into thinking you’re the selfish one, you’re definitely not. Do stop giving them lifts though (or as many as you do). Don’t let them take advantage of your much kinder nature.

OP didn't "expect" her parents to drive. She simply asked, making clear that there was no pressure to comply by acknowledging that her request was cheeky. The point is surely not that her parents said no, but that her mother made a wholly gratuitious big deal about the request being "selfish", purely because they were in PJs by 7pm.

I didn’t expect it or demand it though I literally just asked on the off chance. To be honest I was more hoping my brother would be finishing his shift at work and offer to come and get me!

When you said they were in their pj at 7 I though they must be a lot older but your mum is 63 and retired ffs. To call you selfish when you drive family around without qualms is really off.
As peeps have said up thread, be a little less available when she needs help and is able to drive herself but doesn't want to.

If I put that on the family chat I would have got 2 if not 3 offers of help.

I used to commute by train and once there were issues with my line so I got the train to the station near my sister's work and then she drove me to my station to collect my car before driving herself home. Turned her journey home from 20-30 minutes to 60-90 minutes.
Another time my dad has offered to come and pick up from the city centre when there were train issues I needed to do a long journey to see in laws that evening. It wasn't necessary as it was resolved in time but I had said if by X time the train isn't running can you get us?
My dad once picked up my sister from the city centre when trains were cancelled and not only gave her a lift home but also a woman my sister had got talking in the station too who lived in their town also.
I could list dozens of other examples, we are very much a family that does what we can to make others days easier

Yeah, bit mean, considering how often you make yourself available.

Even when your parents are raging lazy slops - it's still your fault for having expectations that they be decent and kind to their children.

Bugger me there are some joyless people on this thread. It is ok to ask for help! It doesn’t make weak, a sponger or anything else.

Are u ok hun? Is everything ok at home?

Bloody hell. What type of a comment is this? Mumsnet has gone crazy.

No YANBU for someone to come out and give you a lift as you clearly do the same for them.

How horribly selfish they are.

Wow theres some really nasty replies on here. And the judgement of you for living at home is astonishing!

Some people really do live in bubbles. I'm happy for my boys to stay with me as long as they like.

I'd do it in a heartbeat for my two unless it was very late and then I'd get them an Uber. Maybe you could stop giving them lifts?

Agreed - some comments on this thread are sad to read if they are really reflective of actual family relationships.

It is ok to ask for help and it is ok to say no. What is not ok is being mean-spirited and childish about it as OP’s mother was. What’s wrong with replying “So sorry, darling - im already in my PJ’s. We’ll have the kettle on for you”.

I would always rather have fifteen minutes' personal mild inconvenience than have my child spend hours being tired and cold, whatever their age. Also, I frequently drive my daughter to work in my pj's and I'm a single parent aged 69. It's not illegal!