To have asked my parents for a lift home?

[coldabdtired]

I’m 25, and live at home with my parents. I drive but use public transport for work because it’s cheaper than parking.

tonight the bus home is delayed by 45 minutes. I worked 9-6:30, I was hoping to get on the 7:15 bus but it won’t be at my stop till 8.

i texted my family chat saying I know it’s cheeky but was anyone able to give me a lift if I walked to a different stop and got on a different bus because it was cold and I left the house before 7. My mum has come back and said that I’ve been really selfish to ask as they’re in their pyjamas but they’re going to feel guilty for saying no now because they know I’m tired and cold.

AIBU to have asked? I never ask for lifts anywhere, I drive or get the bus.

They are just being mean!!! Star researching nursing homes on your bus journey home !

This is 100% me.
When they are out late on big busy nights, like boxing day, NYE, I stay off the vino deliberately to be available to collect them and make sure they get home. We are urban but still getting taxis can be tricky on mad nights.
I always tell them text me to collect you as I will sleep better knowing you are safe. I would drop their friends home as well.
I just cannot fathom calling a child selfish for asking for a favour when they are stuck, after a long day.
Says so much about them, not the OP.
Parents wonder why children are a bit ambivalent of them when they reach adulthood?
Responses like that could be why.

i/DH would for sure. We (well, dh as I don’t drive atm for medical reasons) would pick up adult DC from the station/friends if needed. They are early 20s and we’re mid-late 50s so not much age difference.

We would’ve been there like a shot OP. We’d do anything for our adult DC and they for us. I don’t understand parents like this at all. Hope you slept well.

OP, a tip I was given for dealing with a tricky boss might help you in future. Don’t set the scene for them by saying “I know this is cheeky” etc, you set them up with an out or a reason to complain. Simply state your ask, and leave it to them to decide if it’s unreasonable or not. I found that stopping myself giving outs (for example no problem if not I can xyz etc) changed the dynamic of interactions for me and perhaps could help you in future too.

Your ask was not cheeky. You say you regularly give lifts etc. It wasn’t very late. You had no reason to cushion it for them.

I hope my DC always gives me a call if I can do something that will help make their day a bit easier or more pleasant.

My daughter is in her 40s and doesn't live with me but I have regularly picked her up from work and taken her home after work if its raining/cold. I am 69 and retired 2 years ago. She doesn't ask, I offer. Cannot bear to think of her trudging home in the rain. Sounds like you have done it for them so you are not being unreasonable.

Even if I was in my pjs, I'd say yes, pop on some joggers and pick dd up. It would be a non issue for me.
I'd scale back on the lifts you give to them op. They sound selfish.

The irony now is that my DM expects lifts everywhere when she never gave them when we were growing up!

My kids are grown up and live in their own properties but I would have dropped everything and collected them.
Don’t be available next time they need a lift. Hope you’re ok now it sounded miserable standing there so long. Can’t understand some people on MN having a go at you. Suppose it takes all kinds

Thanks everyone. I still feel a bit jaded this morning but there’s no point dwelling on it I guess. I’m definitely going to restrict the lifts I give though!

So your parents subsidise you?

Who wouldn't pick up a family member is this situation. Stop with the golf lifts op. Your parents sound very selfish

I'm probably close to OP's parents' age. My parents often gave me lifts and would help me out when needed, not just absolute emergencies. And we do the same for our kids as yong adults. Of course, we all need to learn to be resilient if needed but part of a lovign relationship is also helping one another where we can.

I’ve just got back into bed after taking my son to work at 0630!
I’m 63 and work shifts, my son is 23 and isn’t driving yet.
My husband and I take it in turns to take him and pick him up!
Do we moan or mind? Not at all!!

Just to say hope you got in okay and saw some of the horrible comments my goodness! I’m older than you, I don’t live at home but I would absolutely still text family for a lift in a situation like that and they would come to get me (or just respond nicely if they couldn’t) I thought families helped each other if they could.

Perhaps they would have said that though.

I'd think fine for you to ask, fine for them to say Yes or No

What is it with Mumsnet and this constant criticism of young people? Yes, I live there at lower than market rent and yes I’m very grateful for it. I’ve never said I wasn’t. It’s also entirely irrelevant to this situation because it’s not about that. If I was demanding lifts everyday then yes I’d understand but I probably ask for lifts about four times a year total - and most of that is when I’m off on a trip and would be parking at the train station for a week or longer. Rent is expensive. Mortgages are expensive. Life is expensive and it’s just the way it is.

I would get my dd in those circs if I could but to be honest our text conversation would go like this.

"Hi mum, no buses"
"Shall I come to pick you up?"
"Don't be silly I've ordered an Uber - see you in 20 minutes".

I wouldn't have said no, providing I hadn't had a glass of wine but conversely, dd is 27 and wouldn't have dreamt of asking. So I think you and your mum are being a bit unreasonable.

I have an adult dc living at home. It wouldn’t even occur to me not to pick up from work if they were stuck waiting in the rain. Your parents sound selfish.

The worst thing imo is to say you shouldn't have asked as now they feel guilty. Fuck that. People should learn to say no to things they don't want to do, and owning that, rather than saying no one should ask for help on the off chance they prick someone's conscience. Which is only going to happen if they know they're being selfish. I'm not one of these people who say "I'd do anything for my kids" because I think on the whole they need to learn to stand on their own two feet, but then If you were being always being a CF, constantly asking for lifts, or never put yourself out for others then i would not have the least guilt in saying no.

Perhaps they were worried it would become a habit? So didn't want to offer. Perhaps you need to look at your boundaries for giving lifts? Perhaps you're being too generous? Maybe you could say no to them sometimes, if they ask why, then bring up yesterday.

That’s what’s pissed me off this morning. She’s obviously free to say no (and I’ve never said she wasn’t!), but it was the whole “you’re making us feel guilty by asking” bollocks that she pulled.

I was simply clarifying the situation.
Perhaps this is why they, rightly or wrongly, ask you for help with lifts sometimes?
It's not irrelevant.

It is. I asked for a lift (which I’m allowed to do), I got a snarky guilt tripping response from my mum. That’s not made okay by the fact I live with them?