To have asked my parents for a lift home?

[coldabdtired]

I’m 25, and live at home with my parents. I drive but use public transport for work because it’s cheaper than parking.

tonight the bus home is delayed by 45 minutes. I worked 9-6:30, I was hoping to get on the 7:15 bus but it won’t be at my stop till 8.

i texted my family chat saying I know it’s cheeky but was anyone able to give me a lift if I walked to a different stop and got on a different bus because it was cold and I left the house before 7. My mum has come back and said that I’ve been really selfish to ask as they’re in their pyjamas but they’re going to feel guilty for saying no now because they know I’m tired and cold.

AIBU to have asked? I never ask for lifts anywhere, I drive or get the bus.

Îd have picked my kids up after a long day at work even if it wasn’t cold and there were transport problems

I'd do it in a heartbeat @coldabdtired - 61yo mom here to a young adult. Im always happy to offer lifts, no matter on time of day or night - I'd much prefer everyone was home safe and it's always a lovely opportunity for a chat and catchup.

Wow, that's just so shit of them. Sorry.

It’s never unreasonable to ask. I think your family were mean - especially as you give them lifts when needed. Even if you’d asked and they’d said ‘sorry - can’t help this time’, that would be ok - but to say you are selfish for asking seems bizarre. Sorry you had such a long wait and maybe match their energy in terms of helping out.
Part of the essence of our family is supporting and helping out if needed - sounds similar for many others. If I could help, I always would.

I can understand if they both been drinking then yes they cant pick you up. I don't have children but if I did and drove then i would have picked them up regardless their age. Todays world is very different I dont feel safe at night on my own on cold dark streets anything can happen I would really worry for your safety. Or my own safety I remember once some years ago I was stranded had no money to get a taxi so I walked at 7pm at night to friends house to use her phone to call home my mums she wouldnt want me walking alone at all on the streets home. I lived a good 3 hour walk away from town to my home address with no phone battery. My mum was so please I called for help at friends house to get picked up she was bothered for my safety and wouldnt let me walk home alone for hours in the dark. It doesnt matter what age you are or your children are it's your well being and safety comes first

several times a year I text my mum and dad and ask for a lift. I don’t live at home, I am a 45 year old married mum of one. I’m always on the last train. I am normally 3 wines in. Once I fell asleep on the train and ended up end of line, dad drove to Margate at 2am. Once I got on the wrong train and ended up in fucking gravesend, mum came to get me. With a friend, at midnight. I have form. They love me. It’s like an annual adventure. I do a lot for them too. It’s what parents do for kids.

Yes I would pick up my DD (mid twenties) at the drop of a hat if she needed it. She doesn’t live with us now but when she did I was pleased to be able to do that sort of thing for her. DH would have done the same too.

Our kids are independent adults now but I love the opportunity to help them out in some way. I’m so sorry you got this response when you asked OP.

@Fruitbatdancer I think you’re abit cheeky, I’d expect someone in their 40’s to sort out their own transport. But hey, if they’re willing to do it. 😂

You need to give them a piece of your mind. Cheeky f cadging lifts off you and not wanting to return the favour. I'd give them a proper talking to.

Ignore the shitty replies. This is disappointing and a sign you should look out for yourself. Good luck

Even though they're all now over eighteen, I tell DC if I'm able, I'll always pick them up. I say I might not be delighted, but no questions asked, I'll be there. This is what parents do, or at least it is in my circle.

Agree.

I’d throw on my coat but my DM never would have and nor would we have asked.
Not all parents are happy to do lifts

Lifts were always normal in my family. My parents loved it when I learnt to drive so I could give my brothers lifts on a night out instead of them! I offered to drive my nan to her tea morning every week because the taxi she'd booked to take her forgot to turn up TWICE. Stuff happens, buses are late, trains get cancelled etc. and family are supposed to be there for you when that happens if they can!

My parents wouldn't even pick me up from college after work. It was a really long walk in the dark to the nearest bus stop but only 10 minutes to home by car. We have ferried our girls everywhere within reason.

I agree with this 100%.

If a family member asked me for a lift in the nice way you did, OP, id either say “Yes” or say “Sorry im in my PJ’s/had a wine/off out (insert other reason) and hope you get home soon”.

The comments about you being selfish to ask and that youve “made” your mum feel guilty by doing so are emotionally immature and just not an acceptable way for an adult to communicate with a loved one, in my view.

I would try hard to move out because you want to put boundaries up around this style of communication. But it’s hard to do that when youre living in your parents home.

but these ones are happy to ASK for lifts.

Be sure to buy some pyjamas before next time.

I know a lot of selfish people who will defend themselves and say well I've had a long day, or I'm tired, or I'm cold, you know what? I'm also tired and cold and have had a long day. So I'm 25 years younger than you are, so what? Does that mean that I should wait outside in the cold in the dark for 45 minutes, if you can pick me up and give me a lift home? No. That's what family's for. Not to be your whipping boy but to be a support for each other. They sound selfish. Tell them I said so

OP, let me pick up on something. You said, almost in passing ' I regularly get drunken calls from my brother to pick him up in the middle of the night.' This is a huge red flag. What this means is that you're regularly their to as a 'cleaner' for THEIR SON who has such a serious drinking problem that he's incapable of getting a Uber or taxi (or bus or lift from the designated driver or whatever).

What you described in your post are symptoms of the underlying problem.

Rather than focusing on who gives who lifts what I would suggest here is that you read the riot act to the alcoholic entitled brother and move out. Leave them to it.

Is the weather the same all over the UK?

Who knew?

Did she have a boozy lunch out? If so, she should have just said she'd had a drink. Otherwise put a coat on and pick your child up! My dcs are adults and very self sufficient but sometimes they need something, as do we as their 61 and 65 yo parents.

I'm glad you're safe and home now. Yes, it's cold.
Trying to find an upside: maybe the way they are has made you the way you are.
If you don't like the way you are treated listen to that.

Retired at 63 and can’t be bothered to come and make sure her cold daughter gets home safely in December in the dark as a one off??? Breathtaking. Let me guess, you’re the scapegoat of the family, OP?

@JollyPotterIm in the UK and it HAS BEEN COLD TODAY where I am up north. It was -3.5° on my dog walk earlier